Do you get Jealous easily?

[Frostee]

I do have jealously as an emotion quite often. It’s been something i’ve always had.

I can’t control it, or stop it. An example would be my aunt and her children. I’ve been going to my grandparents for years and years. I have a reasonable relationship with my grandmother, something which is rare.

My grandmother favours this daughter. Her children are treated favourably compared to other grandchildren - they have a Play Area (something we did not have), are looked after by my grandparents and are up there basically everyday. There are photos of them in my grandparents house (large photos, the rest of us have small photos in a shared roundel). They do not attend a Nursery (looked after by another aunt) and are invited to every family function.. some of which we are not invited to. (Growing up we were rarely invited to these functions.)

The physical things that differentiate her treatment and ours is not what I resent, the actual actions of treating her children favourably are what I resent.

When I am around her and her children I feel extremely resentful and do not talk or speak to anyone really. I go in on myself completely.

I also felt the same way around my newphews (as a child) with my other grandparents.

I do feel horrible that this is the emotion I have as an adult towards children. As an adult with Aspergers I don’t have much friends or people who I connect with so when I see this being taken from me I get jealous.

I wish there was a way for me to sort of move on from this, ignoring the special treatment and not feeling resentful. Reading this post makes me feel very childish and Juvenile for feeling these emotions..

I’m not sure what to think about this. It’s not something i’m proud of.. unfortunately i’ve had it for years.

 

[Progster]

When I am around her and her children I feel extremely resentful and do not talk or speak to anyone really. I go in on myself completely.

I think this is the key - you don't talk to her a lot and are cut off/distant, so she doesn't feel as close to you as she does to her other grandchildren. Perhaps try to talk to her more, open up a bit and strengthen your bond with her, you might find that she acts differently towards you and you won't feel so resentful. At the moment it sounds like a vicious circle that you need to try and break.

 

[Frostee]

I do talk to my Grandmother, although not when they are in the room.

 

[Judge]

I don't experience jealousy- or envy. Though I've also never identified this as being relative to being on the spectrum either.

I just know that from time to time my own lack of jealousy has gotten me into difficulty, particularly with former NT girlfriends who at times were expecting me to be jealous on occasion. Puzzling.

 

[Bolletje]

I don’t get jealous often. I did experience feelings of jealousy when my boyfriend had cheated on me. I was very anxious for a while and suspicious of his interactions with other women. That subsided though.

 

[Loren]

I don't experience jealousy- or envy. Though I've also never identified this as being relative to being on the spectrum either.

I just know that from time to time my own lack of jealousy has gotten me into difficulty, particularly with former NT girlfriends who at times were expecting me to be jealous on occasion. Puzzling.

I am the same, in that, I've not experienced jealousy/ what it feels like to be jealous (that I know of).

You mentioned that you 'haven't related it to being on the spectrum'... I wonder if it could be the result of Alexithymia, of which, most autistic people seem to experience, in some form or other. Some emotions can be experienced to an extreme, while others, to a lesser degree, or, not at all.

 

[Suzanne]

Sadly, yes, I am a sufferer of jealously, but do all I can to control it and today ( not literally), I am able to control it and when I couldn't, I would never hide the fact that I have a terrible jealous streak in me.

But, jealously is not without cause and like in what you describe, it is pretty much adults fault, for inciting it, by separation.

I was living with my gran and each year, when we went out for her to get xmas presents for the family, I was left out and I mean: my gran did not do anything to make sure I had a present too and I hated it, because I felt that presents were not supposed to be expected, but felt horribly jealous and well, resentful and when I did say something, all I got was: well, you live with me. Accept, I was her carer and did all the horrible things carers do ie wash and cloth her etc.

I know that it stems for feeling insecure.

 

[sisselcakes]

I do have jealously as an emotion quite often. It’s been something i’ve always had.

I can’t control it, or stop it. An example would be my aunt and her children. I’ve been going to my grandparents for years and years. I have a reasonable relationship with my grandmother, something which is rare.

My grandmother favours this daughter. Her children are treated favourably compared to other grandchildren - they have a Play Area (something we did not have), are looked after by my grandparents and are up there basically everyday. There are photos of them in my grandparents house (large photos, the rest of us have small photos in a shared roundel). They do not attend a Nursery (looked after by another aunt) and are invited to every family function.. some of which we are not invited to. (Growing up we were rarely invited to these functions.)

The physical things that differentiate her treatment and ours is not what I resent, the actual actions of treating her children favourably are what I resent.

When I am around her and her children I feel extremely resentful and do not talk or speak to anyone really. I go in on myself completely.

I also felt the same way around my newphews (as a child) with my other grandparents.

I do feel horrible that this is the emotion I have as an adult towards children. As an adult with Aspergers I don’t have much friends or people who I connect with so when I see this being taken from me I get jealous.

I wish there was a way for me to sort of move on from this, ignoring the special treatment and not feeling resentful. Reading this post makes me feel very childish and Juvenile for feeling these emotions..

I’m not sure what to think about this. It’s not something i’m proud of.. unfortunately i’ve had it for years.

I think your feelings are completely justified.

 

[Fino]

I'm not jealous often, I realize it's irrational, and when I am jealous it doesn't last very long, but occasionally I'm jealous when witnessing happy, healthy relationships between children and parents and briefly resent them, but I'm able to get out of it pretty quickly usually, often just by forgetting, making great use of my awful memory!

 

[Judge]

You mentioned that you 'haven't related it to being on the spectrum'... I wonder if it could be the result of Alexithymia, of which, most autistic people seem to experience, in some form or other.

Good point. I suppose that's entirely possible, though I haven't been aware of it being one of my comorbid conditions. But I'm not ready to dismiss such a notion either. Thanks...

 

[Sherlock77]

Guilty as charged... I struggle with it a lot, I'm not sure how to answer the question

With me it's seeing other people who are far more successful than me, compared to when I look at myself and how I feel like I have basically no real accomplishments to speak of...

Or like a guy I know, far more money than me, can easily afford fancy cars and fancy cameras, and knows how to take great photos with that fancy gear...

I struggle to just afford nice cameras for my hobby, and would love to afford a fancy car of any sort, something better than my rather humble sub-compact car which isn't even a close to being a nice sports car

But then I try to slap myself in the face, that we all have a different path through life, and comparing is the worst thing to do (repeat the cycle over and over)

 

[anxiety247]

I do get pretty jealous about things, I'll admit. It usually just depends on who I am around. If they are someone who treats me well and makes me feel like I'm worth something then I don't get jealous. If it's someone who clearly is trying to act like they are better than me then I feel like it becomes some kind of competition and I get jealous when they do/have stuff that I can't.

 

[Progster]

When I was a child and still emotionally immature, unable to understand and control emotions, I once got angry with a friend because she got Valentines cards, where I never got any. I just snapped (I started swearing) and I didn't even know it was happening until it was too late. I couldn't understand at the time where my angry outburst had come from, but my friend did. You're jealous, she said, and then didn't talk to me again. I apologised, but it was too late. We talked to each other, but she distanced herself from me and it was never the same again. That was a hard lesson to learn.

Now, I sometimes wish I have things that other people have, because, for example, more money would make my life a bit easier, but I don't feel anger or resentment towards the person because they have something I don't. I don't feel jealous. They have a steady income and seem to be living comfortably, seem happy - that's great for them. Everyone must do their best and make the most out of whatever they have in life.

 

[Streetwise]

I couldn't tell you if I get jealous I don't honestly know

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

I do feel some jealousy with my brother, but I usually just ignore it and go about my own business. If I'm jealous of him for something like getting longer holiday breaks, I just ignore it and go be jealous by myself.