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Do you feel you have to explain yourself to others?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by CJinherPJs, Aug 2, 2010.

  1. CJinherPJs

    CJinherPJs Professional Weirdo V.I.P Member

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    I'm probably one of the worst offenders. I feel I have to explain or justify myself in situations where I don't have to, and it happened a lot at school. It was a bit of fun for my peers. They used to ask me questions that made me feel uncomfortable and I would try to answer them, not wanting to come across as rude or ignorant, but I always felt I had to explain myself because I worried too much about what they thought of me. But I got flustered when I tried to answer and sometimes struggled to find the right words, and they laughed at me. I still feel I have to explain myself now because I feel like I'm a bad person if I don't, and I worry that the other person thinks I'm an arse hole or something.

    Anyone else feel the same?
     
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  2. KinksFan

    KinksFan Well-Known Member

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    I feel that I'm constantly explaining myself, to my coworkers and the people at my clubhouse. I want them to know, where I'm coming from.
     
  3. CJinherPJs

    CJinherPJs Professional Weirdo V.I.P Member

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    I explain myself to try to get my point across too. When other kids used to turn the things I said into innuendo, I got embarrassed, and I tried to tell them what I'd actually said but they didn't want to hear it. They were having too much fun laughing at me. :rolleyes2:
     
  4. MissConstrue

    MissConstrue Well-Known Member

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    This happens to me all the time but it just makes it worse. I find myself getting too verbose (a problem I'm still fighting) and having to explalin myself n a way that makes sense to everyone. If I say things in short, I often get misconstrued or wrongly interpreted.
     
  5. Cazzie

    Cazzie Well-Known Member

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    Yes all the time.
     
  6. CJinherPJs

    CJinherPJs Professional Weirdo V.I.P Member

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    Same here. I wonder if it's a common problem among those on the spectrum?
     
  7. Firnafth

    Firnafth Mammalogist V.I.P Member

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    I explain myself sometimes. As to whether this is necessary - that's another story.

    It's most awkward when I say something that I realize was not so nice (I can give backhanded compliments, for example). Then I try to fix it by trying to explain. This generally results in me digging a deeper hole for myself, and I have to stop talking before it gets worse and worse.
     
  8. MissConstrue

    MissConstrue Well-Known Member

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  9. lyricalillusions

    lyricalillusions Well-Known Member

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    I'm always having to explain my behavior to others, in nearly every social encounter I have, because they don't understand it. Even explaining it to them does no good because they still don't understand.
     
  10. Heritor

    Heritor Well-Known Member

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    I am constantly explaining myself. It’s pretty much an obsession with me. I prefer people to have no doubts as to why I performed any given action. When I got out to eat at a restaurant, I ask for no ice in my drink. Instead of leaving it at that, I always explain to them, “I have very sensitive teeth, so I don’t like things ice cold if it can be helped.” When eating with a new crowd, after dumping salt over my food, I say, “I have a very weak sense of smell, so I don’t taste things very well. I have to add tons of salt to get much flavor out of it.”

    Throughout my life, I’ve just had this intense longing to be understood. So many people either express confusion from things I do or say, or take things completely the wrong way. My exchanges with neurotypicals have been rough, for the most part. Because of this, I began doing the only thing I could think of to fight this- explain my actions at nearly every opportunity that isn’t perfectly clear. If I do something that may make people wonder, it’s hard to explain, I just experience this slight pressure in my mind until I get my intentions out in the open.

    My father and grandmother discourage this. They tell me that people don’t care about things like why I don’t want ice in my drink. The thing is, they may not care about hearing it, but I care about saying it. I’ve heard them in many discussions, and they make their points clearly enough. They don’t understand my constant struggle to get my point across in so many issues. There have been times that I’ve neglected to explain myself, and I feel badly a good part of the day. I don’t like leaving my action’s intent up the imagination, as my thoughts will frequently consist of worry. “I hope they didn’t take that the wrong way,” I’ll think to myself.

    So yes, I truly feel I must explain myself to others. I grew tired of the misunderstandings and taking action against that became more than a habit. I want the paths I take clear to those around me. When I step forward, I want no one’s view of it to be cloudy at all. When I do something outside the norm, expect my voice to ring out for clarification, whether it’s asked for or not. I grew tired of just hoping I would be understood. I finally decided to do something about it, and now I feel much more at ease with my behavior.
     
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  11. Simba

    Simba Well-Known Member

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    When it comes to talking to others, and making new friends, I tend to want to explain myself, but I get embarrassed I know that it's nothing to be embarrassed about, but still. I would like people to be able to understand me, and to be able to see the world through my eyes for once. I will try to do this if I meet any new people in the future. I don't see why I can't, I mean I have no trouble explaining my heart defect. I think it's because If I told anyone I would think that they would look at me different.
     
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  12. Kit

    Kit Well-Known Member

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    Hell ya and it pisses me off when people don't believe me. I also wish they take what I say word for word.
     
  13. zantene

    zantene Well-Known Member

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    Since I am older than most of you, many people over the years have noticed that I am different and can not do things that others do. I will explain to others mainly teachers and doctors and neighbors and friends the problems that are associated with Visual Perception and other autism traits that I have
     
  14. nintendogurl1990

    nintendogurl1990 Well-Known Member

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    Yes. I do have to explain myself because other people my age just assume that I'm "slow" or "retarded" or "mentally challenged", but I'm not any of those things. Just because I'm on the autism spectrum doesn't mean I'm mentally challenged or anything.
     
  15. LgndKllr24

    LgndKllr24 Well-Known Member

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    I don't know why, but I do feel the need to explain myself sometimes. I guess I just feel like if I'm too general, the main point will go over the person. I probably talk longer than I need to. Other times though, I'll probably be too vague and leave things out.
     
  16. xxjoleenxx

    xxjoleenxx Well-Known Member

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    I am frequently explaining myself for whatever, even if no explanation is necessary. I don't know why, its like I feel it is just something I got to do. I usually just want someone to see my view. I also can be vague and confuse people when I talk, not all my thoughts come out when I try to speak, leaving the person to think I am a little weird because I will stop talking in mid sentence and expect the other person to know where I was coming from or go on about something pointless. I have also made some backhanded comments that came out way wrong, then I have to try and justify and it usually just ends up a mess. Usually I am pretty quiet or soft spoken unless it is people I am familiar or most comfortable, because I don't want my words jumbled or to come out wrong or someone to perceive me a certain way.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2011
  17. xrobertxdavisx

    xrobertxdavisx Well-Known Member

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    I usually just let people think what I come accross as, in the past I tried to apologise for things that came out wrong and such but they person didnt beleieve me and said "well you said it you must of meant it" so since then I dont bother anymore.
     
  18. jaws

    jaws Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I too am often overwhelmed with the need to explain myself. It is like I know that others don't think like I do and I try to help walk them through my thought processes so they can understand my conclusions/actions. This often backfires though as I tend to come across as condescending...which I guess I sort of am, because I feel that others think differently then I do. It just seems so necessary to me.
     
  19. Arashi222

    Arashi222 Cuddling Vampires V.I.P Member

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    I just love this place. I feel the same way. I feel like I am always trying explain myself. I explain and explain then I get frustrated because people take things really wrong or see it as manipulation when I am just asking for helping in a social situation that I don't understand or don't have a script for. Like at work I know how to act with customers. I know what i am supposed to say and do most of the time (I've worked there for 11yrs). Its harder when its friends because they throw me for a loop, often when they invite me places and then tell me I can't go because of (insert stupid reason they said). So I always am feeling like I have to explain why I said something or why I can't just disrupt my routine for them without proper notice.
     
  20. Needtobreathe

    Needtobreathe Well-Known Member

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    Since people know I'm oblivious AND sheltered and have high character and morals(Biblical) they'll as or do things that bother me twist my words against me