Do they like you or is it a cruel joke?

[Meg]

Hi, anybody else ever have extreme difficulty in telling whether the person who like is returning the favor or just making fun of you? I felt this all through high school and college, it seems so unnecessarily complicated. I also have a couple of other questions: 1) Do they like me or is it a joke? 2)Also, anyone else ever feel like you just can't be your whole self around anyone, especially someone you like for fear that they will be annoyed or disgusted. I know I have always had trust and confidence issues, but darn those NT's are so confusing. 3) Does the thought of spending some much time with someone and being touched all the time ever turn you off?
Sorry about all the questions I am the only aspie I know in real life, it is a bit like trying to learn to ride a bike with training wheels and always falling, while everyone around you has taken off the training wheels and has big 10 speeds.

 

[Spiller]

Hey Meg, I'm the only Aspie I know too, besides my sister and we just thought we were normal. In answer to your questions:
1. I never have any idea whatsoever-can't tell if they're laughing with or at me.
2. I'm constantly afraid of not being accepted because of my intelligence, interests, ways of looking at things, manner of speech, bodily movements.. etc
3. I can't spend all my time with anyone, even my kids, so the thought of finding a partner who can accept this worries me.. not the touching though; I have issues with touch with lots of people, but never with a partner.
Yes, no training wheels; I got left behind at school and I'm still trying to work out things others take for granted.

 

[Ste11aeres]

It's not the norm for people to pretend to like you when they are making fun of you. I don't know how it is in highschool, but in adult life, they usually don't do that.
The more difficult question is are they being nice because they like you romantically, or nice because they like you as a friend, or nice because they're just being casually friendly?

 

[Meg]

It's not the norm for people to pretend to like you when they are making fun of you. I don't know how it is in highschool, but in adult life, they usually don't do that.
The more difficult question is are they being nice because they like you romantically, or nice because they like you as a friend, or nice because they're just being casually friendly?

This is true, what I think is most difficult is that those kind of differences within the realm of like, seem a bit, at times, to be subtle. Though, some people are very forward, I feel not as many are, and my rational, logical, direct way of thinking clashes. My mind thinks, "just say what you want, tell me the facts and I will tell you", but I understand that realistically not everyone feels that that is a "polite" way to interact. Social interaction is hard

 

[Cali Cat]

1) "Do they like me, or are they just being polite?" That's my question. Most of the time, I think it's the latter because I'm a bit intimidating and just plain weird. I can pretty much tell the difference now, though, but I've had a lot of practice.

2) I could never be my whole self around anyone except my mother when she was alive. It's not that I think people will be annoyed or disgusted, but I'll have to explain myself, and it will never be to their satisfaction. I fear confrontation. I have to be mentally prepared to explain, debate, argue or fight. That's why I have to get away from people in order to recharge. Being with people is like being on a battlefield to me.

3) I don't like to spend a lot of time with any one person, or people in general. That's one of the main reasons I didn't have children. You can't just walk away from them when you've had enough. I always like to be able to walk away. Touching is another big issue for me. I've always disliked it when a partner would "hang" on me all the time or has to hold my hand when we're out somewhere. I just never got the point. Cuddling or having intimate relations has a point, but the random touching often feels like an intrusion to me. Example: I hate it when my bf walks by an smacks my ass. He's doing it as a show of affection, but it just irritates me. Again, I have to be mentally prepared for the touching.

 

[AsheSkyler]

1. I have little idea if they genuinely like me or are just being nice. I can usually pick up when they're making fun of me, usually because people think I'm so dumb I won't notice. Those who try to be sneaky aren't all that sneaky, because their tone and smirk gives it away.

2. I don't think anybody is ever able to truly be themselves all the time, possibly not even when they're alone. I usually gauge my relationships by how much I have to hide rather than how much I can show.

3. I generally do hate being touched. But my husband is oddly an exception to many of my rules, including some I was never able to let my mother break. But he respects my boundaries and will let me be when I need it, and I do the same for him.

 

[Spiller]

It's not the norm for people to pretend to like you when they are making fun of you. I don't know how it is in highschool, but in adult life, they usually don't do that.
The more difficult question is are they being nice because they like you romantically, or nice because they like you as a friend, or nice because they're just being casually friendly?

Different life experiences here, I think, Ste11aeres, school and work throughout my 20s was exactly like that, as I would invariably later discover.
Romantic/friendly/casual relationships? Unless that person makes it plain and obvious, I'm totally lost!

 

[Meg]

Sometimes it is frustrating because I can see the details in most everything except people's emotions and motives. This apparently is important to some when interacting. To me I am reminded of something I read in the Aspergirls book, paraphrasing, I am an oval soul on a round planet. Though I am not particularly religious, this I feel speaks to me and transcends.

 

[gonz]

Hi, anybody else ever have extreme difficulty in telling whether the person who like is returning the favor or just making fun of you?

A girl did this to me once in middle school. Screwed up any potential for any kind of romantic relationship for years; I was so fearful of the same thing happening again that I automatically distrusted any girl who showed any interest in me.

Like, a couple years later in high school, I sat next to friendly pretty girl in my english class. We'd joke around, passing notes back and forth, seeing what we could get away with when the teachers back was turned, dumb stuff. At the end of the year, she told me we should hang out outside of school and gave me her number. I took this as her trying to mess with me and never spoke to her again. Dumb of me, someone might fake being nice for a day or two as part of a joke, but they're probably not going to keep it up for an entire school year unless they mean it.

Or another time, I heard that one of my sister's friends liked me. I happened to especially like her, but I didn't even consider the possibility that it might be true. I took it as a cruel joke and got very angry. Then, almost ten years later, she told me herself that she had been really into me back then.

It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I even considered the possibility that a girl might actually like me as something other than joke. And this was after a couple of relationships that, thanks (at least in part) to my attitude, failed spectacularly.