tdrfreebird
Well-Known Member
I have long held the belief that people don't change. They can change their habits or their appearance, or they can make an improvement in their temperament and/or attitude. But ultimately, people don't change from who and what they really are at their core. Admittedly, I'm a pessimist.
After being out of college and living with my parents for 5 1/2 years, I am finally moving out. My brother and I got approved for an apartment and we are moving out in a few weeks. Part of me thinks this could be a new beginning for me. I can be the man I want to be, stand on own two feet, and make my aspirations a reality. But a major part me knows this is wishful thinking and a pipe dream. I don't expect anything to happen overnight or some big epiphany, but maybe I would have a different perspective on life, or some new self-consciousness.
I had the same positive feeling when I left for college. As a fat, introverted, shy and weird mama's boy, I truly thought that I was actually this closeted social butterfly that would make a bunch of friends, talk to girls, get laid, and become the life of the party. I went to some parties, and found them to be overrated. I did make some friends, but mainly through one good friend. These friendships did not last more than a few months, and they only seemed to hang out with me when they were bored or their other friends had plans. I talked to girls, but I was consistently and firmly placed in the friend zone and I left college still a virgin. Overall, I spent the majority of my college years content with getting high, avoiding people and keeping to myself in my dorm room, getting fatter and more depressed.
And now here I am again: friendless, I still haven't been in a relationship, socially inept and awkward and off-putting, and severely depressed (sometimes suicidal). Needless to say, I don't feel positive about the future. Just because I won't be living at home doesn't mean I'll become this new and improved version of myself. I know what I am, and at the end of the day I'll still be me, miserable and alienated.
Additionally, I'm concerned about my brother. Growing up without many friends we spent a lot of time together, and he often took the role of my best friend (while he had no problems with making friends). No one in my age group ever thought I was cool and fun to hang out with, and I honestly often found myself wanting him to see me that way, rather than an older brother. With that said, he has a history of taking advantage of me, and still does occasionally (for example, he owed me $80 a few years ago and when I reminded him of it, he gaslighted me by claiming that he had been giving me little by little every Friday, and I had been smoking so much that I don't remember him doing so). He also has a history of irresponsibility and this worries me. He's already expressed some trouble in coming up with the money for the initial payment on the apartment, and I can't help but feel this going to become a recurring problem. I spent a good deal of our childhoods cleaning up after him, and even though he is older he still knows I instinctively want to help him out, and I fear he will continue to take advantage of me, whether he does it consciously or unconsciously.
So, if anyone is still reading this, I want your input. Do people change?
After being out of college and living with my parents for 5 1/2 years, I am finally moving out. My brother and I got approved for an apartment and we are moving out in a few weeks. Part of me thinks this could be a new beginning for me. I can be the man I want to be, stand on own two feet, and make my aspirations a reality. But a major part me knows this is wishful thinking and a pipe dream. I don't expect anything to happen overnight or some big epiphany, but maybe I would have a different perspective on life, or some new self-consciousness.
I had the same positive feeling when I left for college. As a fat, introverted, shy and weird mama's boy, I truly thought that I was actually this closeted social butterfly that would make a bunch of friends, talk to girls, get laid, and become the life of the party. I went to some parties, and found them to be overrated. I did make some friends, but mainly through one good friend. These friendships did not last more than a few months, and they only seemed to hang out with me when they were bored or their other friends had plans. I talked to girls, but I was consistently and firmly placed in the friend zone and I left college still a virgin. Overall, I spent the majority of my college years content with getting high, avoiding people and keeping to myself in my dorm room, getting fatter and more depressed.
And now here I am again: friendless, I still haven't been in a relationship, socially inept and awkward and off-putting, and severely depressed (sometimes suicidal). Needless to say, I don't feel positive about the future. Just because I won't be living at home doesn't mean I'll become this new and improved version of myself. I know what I am, and at the end of the day I'll still be me, miserable and alienated.
Additionally, I'm concerned about my brother. Growing up without many friends we spent a lot of time together, and he often took the role of my best friend (while he had no problems with making friends). No one in my age group ever thought I was cool and fun to hang out with, and I honestly often found myself wanting him to see me that way, rather than an older brother. With that said, he has a history of taking advantage of me, and still does occasionally (for example, he owed me $80 a few years ago and when I reminded him of it, he gaslighted me by claiming that he had been giving me little by little every Friday, and I had been smoking so much that I don't remember him doing so). He also has a history of irresponsibility and this worries me. He's already expressed some trouble in coming up with the money for the initial payment on the apartment, and I can't help but feel this going to become a recurring problem. I spent a good deal of our childhoods cleaning up after him, and even though he is older he still knows I instinctively want to help him out, and I fear he will continue to take advantage of me, whether he does it consciously or unconsciously.
So, if anyone is still reading this, I want your input. Do people change?