Do people change?

[tdrfreebird]

I have long held the belief that people don't change. They can change their habits or their appearance, or they can make an improvement in their temperament and/or attitude. But ultimately, people don't change from who and what they really are at their core. Admittedly, I'm a pessimist.

After being out of college and living with my parents for 5 1/2 years, I am finally moving out. My brother and I got approved for an apartment and we are moving out in a few weeks. Part of me thinks this could be a new beginning for me. I can be the man I want to be, stand on own two feet, and make my aspirations a reality. But a major part me knows this is wishful thinking and a pipe dream. I don't expect anything to happen overnight or some big epiphany, but maybe I would have a different perspective on life, or some new self-consciousness.

I had the same positive feeling when I left for college. As a fat, introverted, shy and weird mama's boy, I truly thought that I was actually this closeted social butterfly that would make a bunch of friends, talk to girls, get laid, and become the life of the party. I went to some parties, and found them to be overrated. I did make some friends, but mainly through one good friend. These friendships did not last more than a few months, and they only seemed to hang out with me when they were bored or their other friends had plans. I talked to girls, but I was consistently and firmly placed in the friend zone and I left college still a virgin. Overall, I spent the majority of my college years content with getting high, avoiding people and keeping to myself in my dorm room, getting fatter and more depressed.

And now here I am again: friendless, I still haven't been in a relationship, socially inept and awkward and off-putting, and severely depressed (sometimes suicidal). Needless to say, I don't feel positive about the future. Just because I won't be living at home doesn't mean I'll become this new and improved version of myself. I know what I am, and at the end of the day I'll still be me, miserable and alienated.

Additionally, I'm concerned about my brother. Growing up without many friends we spent a lot of time together, and he often took the role of my best friend (while he had no problems with making friends). No one in my age group ever thought I was cool and fun to hang out with, and I honestly often found myself wanting him to see me that way, rather than an older brother. With that said, he has a history of taking advantage of me, and still does occasionally (for example, he owed me $80 a few years ago and when I reminded him of it, he gaslighted me by claiming that he had been giving me little by little every Friday, and I had been smoking so much that I don't remember him doing so). He also has a history of irresponsibility and this worries me. He's already expressed some trouble in coming up with the money for the initial payment on the apartment, and I can't help but feel this going to become a recurring problem. I spent a good deal of our childhoods cleaning up after him, and even though he is older he still knows I instinctively want to help him out, and I fear he will continue to take advantage of me, whether he does it consciously or unconsciously.

So, if anyone is still reading this, I want your input. Do people change?

 

[Questella]

They're more likely to change if forced on their own, if you allow him to continually sap off you and clean up after him he won't have any real reason too.

 

[Gritches]

Of course people change, nobody stays the exact same forever, but that doesn't help very much in answering the spirit of your question. What I'm getting at is that the question of whether or not people change is a very broad question that covers many aspects of a person with some "yeses" and some "nos". Let me try to explain.

Personalities solidify in early adolescence. After that, the core of a person isn't going to change much. "Change" can mean many things, however. While somebody isn't likely to pull a complete 180 from their core personality and in that way "change", they can still change through personal growth.

If one can gain a level of self-awareness to understand what their personality contains, they can thus understand the very nature of their self and from that gain the very first thing you need in order to start solving any problem: a solid base of realistic fact from which to work forward; "what we know for sure."

Once you understand the facets that make up the "self", especially the (now solidified) personality traits that you find problematic, you've understood and accepted your "nature" and can begin to fight against it if parts of your "nature" are things you don't like. For example, is it in your "nature" to dominate conversation to the chagrin of others? By simply being aware of, understanding, and accepting that as something you can't change you can be mindful to make the conscious effort to be more inclusive and reciprocate. Actually doing that takes some good theory, practice, and application, and you'll have to do it consciously every time, but the point is that through that process of personal growth you don't have to be a slave to how you are and how the world made you; in theory, you can defy your very nature and become whoever it is you want to be. Your ideal self. Get it?

The point is, in that way people can change their behaviors without changing who they are at the core, which as I have said is impossible. So in that way, yes, people can change. However, on the opposite side of the coin, to actually use that technique to make yourself a better and stronger person requires no small amount of self-awareness, self-discipline, and self-motivation, all of which most people lack due to a lack of willingness or necessity to develop such skills. So in that way, no, people really don't change.

I hope that was confusing enough.

 

[SailorMars1994]

IMHO, yes, yes they can. But it takes a lot of work and determination. I beleive everyone at their core has good

 

[Suzanne]

Only if they want to and if they can change.

I take it your parents are not supportive of you? Because in truth, it is a bad idea to move out and move in with your older brother, for he will drag you down even further.

I always feel that to improve mentally, we have to strive for physical growth. You say that you are overweight? Why not focus on a goal of getting that weight down? Yes, it is hard going, but once you start to see results, the more encouraged you will feel.

Whether we like it or not, we are judged by our appearance and attitudes. When a person lacks a lot of confidence, they have an aura of that, and it does not incite others to want to get close. I know, because I do not incite friendships of my own age group and never had.

My brother, who I suspect in on the spectrum, has finally moved out of the house he was residing in with our sister. He spent years living there, under the notion that he could not survive on his own; he NEEDED his family around him, to remain sane.

Situation changed, where my sister had to move and started on a relationship and so, my brother, with the encouragement from a friend, found a tiny flat and actually, it appears he is using his "freedom" to renew a relationship he had before. He said that at last, at 42 or there abouts, he finally feels grown up and able to fend for himself.

Now, he does tend to talk big and rarely gets them into action, but he is a very talented man and has made some smashing furniture and is an artist, but all that tends to get lost, in the mire of his obessions with gadgets.

He can talk for hours on his latest purchase, which actually got me to wonder if he too is an aspie? But, we rarely chat and I do not think he would want to know.

I have been putting off seeing a psychiatrist and it came to me why; the very notion of being scrutinised makes me want to run in the opposite direction, but I see I have no choice. I suffer from chronic social anxiety and need a professional diagnosis, in order to get help financially. I have a lot of support from my spiritual mum ( we are of the same faith) and a few others.

It is very easy to be overwhelmed with all that we need to do and so, the best place to start is pen and paper and a plan of action and each one acheived, gets striked off.

I am horribly pessamistic too. I have all these amazing ideas, but often have no idea where to start and even the ones I do start on, I find they fizzle out very fast. I also find that when I am positive about something, I fail and when I have no expectations, I do not fail, so I do have a constant struggle going on!

But, again, it would be a mistake to move in with your brother.

 

[Bro'Freak]

Hello tdrfreebird,

Firstly I must say that you write very well. Secondly a lot of what you wrote is fairly familiar & I feel that you are on the right path with what you are about to undertake. It's all a learning curve that we've all faced & done so with the best of wishes I hope it works for you two

Sadly it I feel that you already know how the flat share will go, but who knows you may be able to grab the 'Bull by the horns' & guide your brother to be aware of his new responsibilities. As it'll take two to make the share work, because you can't & shouldn't be expected to carry all the burden of the flat. If you both worked or were both in still in education great, but if one's home all the time it could get messy.

Also I'd say that 'smoking' can stop people growing or catching a problem as it develops. I don't say that lightly as I have years of experience & am aware of it's ability to cloud clarity of purpose. Enjoy it as you would a drink but not as an alcoholic.

A friend once said that "People can change but it is less likely after the age of 40"... which I do kind of concur with. Though as SailorMars1994 said "it takes a lot of work and determination" which is the important truth needed to make deep changes. I realise I did a fair amount of rumination in this post & I feel that you have a great chance of moving forward, from 'Home life' to 'Your life'. With the move you'll have the chance to hold your own responsibilities, which are important to find & experience; for within such experiences of responsibility we find we have grown.

Good luck & all the best with the share.

 

[WereBear]

People can change to be a better (or worse) version of who they already are. They can't change into a different person.

As a fat, introverted, shy and weird mama's boy, I truly thought that I was actually this closeted social butterfly that would make a bunch of friends, talk to girls, get laid, and become the life of the party.

For instance, that is the kind of change that you discovered was not possible for you. I understand; as an early teen, I was shunned and bullied and I thought it could be solved if I became a cheerleader; the highest status a girl could achieve in my school.

But from studying them to learn more, I realized this ambition was impossible for me. There was no way a tall, gawky, brainy creature who wore a size nine shoe would become one of these busty, chattery, homework-scorning, athletic smaller people.

They came up to my chin. I might as well be a different species.

What did work in me deciding what they thought didn't matter, become better at "being me," and in high school the population pool became large enough for me to be accepted in the art crowd; who didn't care who you looked like, and treasured imagination and brains.

We don't improve when we find improving too challenging, or think it is impossible. For instance, your brother has to want to change.

 

[WereBear]

Here's a perspective on change from therapists:

Therapists Spill: My thoughts on change

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I have long held the belief that people don't change. They can change their habits or their appearance, or they can make an improvement in their temperament and/or attitude. But ultimately, people don't change from who and what they really are at their core. Admittedly, I'm a pessimist.

After being out of college and living with my parents for 5 1/2 years, I am finally moving out. My brother and I got approved for an apartment and we are moving out in a few weeks. Part of me thinks this could be a new beginning for me. I can be the man I want to be, stand on own two feet, and make my aspirations a reality. But a major part me knows this is wishful thinking and a pipe dream. I don't expect anything to happen overnight or some big epiphany, but maybe I would have a different perspective on life, or some new self-consciousness.

I had the same positive feeling when I left for college. As a fat, introverted, shy and weird mama's boy, I truly thought that I was actually this closeted social butterfly that would make a bunch of friends, talk to girls, get laid, and become the life of the party. I went to some parties, and found them to be overrated. I did make some friends, but mainly through one good friend. These friendships did not last more than a few months, and they only seemed to hang out with me when they were bored or their other friends had plans. I talked to girls, but I was consistently and firmly placed in the friend zone and I left college still a virgin. Overall, I spent the majority of my college years content with getting high, avoiding people and keeping to myself in my dorm room, getting fatter and more depressed.

And now here I am again: friendless, I still haven't been in a relationship, socially inept and awkward and off-putting, and severely depressed (sometimes suicidal). Needless to say, I don't feel positive about the future. Just because I won't be living at home doesn't mean I'll become this new and improved version of myself. I know what I am, and at the end of the day I'll still be me, miserable and alienated.

Additionally, I'm concerned about my brother. Growing up without many friends we spent a lot of time together, and he often took the role of my best friend (while he had no problems with making friends). No one in my age group ever thought I was cool and fun to hang out with, and I honestly often found myself wanting him to see me that way, rather than an older brother. With that said, he has a history of taking advantage of me, and still does occasionally (for example, he owed me $80 a few years ago and when I reminded him of it, he gaslighted me by claiming that he had been giving me little by little every Friday, and I had been smoking so much that I don't remember him doing so). He also has a history of irresponsibility and this worries me. He's already expressed some trouble in coming up with the money for the initial payment on the apartment, and I can't help but feel this going to become a recurring problem. I spent a good deal of our childhoods cleaning up after him, and even though he is older he still knows I instinctively want to help him out, and I fear he will continue to take advantage of me, whether he does it consciously or unconsciously.

So, if anyone is still reading this, I want your input. Do people change?

Hello. Well, the first step to change I feel is to admit you can do better in ways, and from I read you are admitting indirectly you are at least partially contributing to your inability to change, by getting high, avoiding people, getting more overweight, and by being depressed. So, I think you at least subconsciously know this behavior in not helping your desires of longer friendships, being more social, having more confidence, being in an opposite sex relationship, being fitter, and being successful.

So, it sounds like you have at least indirectly stated your goals and want to change, so that is a big start. The next step would seem to make sure those goals are attainable, and I can only say from a lifetime experience of being very shy, awkward and avoidant, and with no friends through school and college, yes I feel all of those goals you suggest are attainable, as the six goals seem like at most three: to increase social skills, confidence and lose weight, as the other three goals would happen naturally then. If you do not believe yourself those three goals are attainable, you need to break the goals down further, or you will not be motivated to change.

But, even less than three goals might be needed to accomplish the six goals, as changing just one of the just mentioned three main goals-to increase social skills, to increase self-esteem and to lose weight--could help the other two be reached easier. For instance, losing weight could naturally increase self esteem which could increase social skills. Or improving self-esteem through self-help could naturally make one want to lose weight to coincide with that healthier image, which could jump start social skills. Like the sayings go. "When one looks good they feel good" and "When one feels good, they look good." Pick the goal that would help the others tumble down easier.

The next step would seem to be to have a plan of action in order to reach that goal you want to accomplish first. These are not going to be improved on their own, but through self-help or medical or other professional. I chose the former:self-help. In other words, if you want to be more social, it is possible to find ways to build up your confidence. Resort to self-praise, repetitive positive visualizations of yourself being more social in all environments and with different people, and keeps changing negative thoughts to good to be more optimistic. Change your posture and expressions to trick your body to reflect the mood you desire. It does not take years to feel more confident, but several weeks if you work at it. It worked for me.

And then once your confidence is a bit better from more positive self image those mentioned ways, and from any weight loss, too, if desired, then increase self-esteem further and increase social skills by practicing talking in front of a mirror, if you have no trusted friend, making sure to keep socially appropriate expressions while speaking whatever you want in as calm, confident and pleasant manner. Eventually, then pick random prompt questions out of jar, that you or someone you know has made for you, and practice speaking your answers to those questions as best as you can. In time, the words should flow out smoother, be more relevant to the question, be longer, and seem more sincere and less programmed. This helps prepare one for real life conversations when you meet persons and they have some unexpected topic.

Let's say after doing these things after several weeks or more you feel confident enough now to meet persons, attempt to make new friendships, and feel more daring now in saying what you want, as you have better social skills and fear less rejection. Well, if you now have the motivation and energy to do all of that, too, and as you feel you will fit in more and have more to offer others, however, if you do not create opportunities to meet persons by going to the appropriate places, then those other changes or goals you desire cannot happen. Being in an apartment all day is not going to make in-person long friendships. Going to parties may or may not make long term friendships as that can be for many short term fun. That may satisfy one of your goals, but not many of the others.

If you want a quality friend, I feel you first have to find out what type of friend you are interested in and then search out those places. Do not expect a long term trustworthy friend if you want to hang around persons who get high. Do not expect a long term friend if you hang around persons wanting just sex. With increased self-esteem and social skills, and with healthier appearance, and by getting out in the public more, more people automatically should gravitate to you, so it seems like then you should not need to resort to self-destructive behaviors. Likewise, you need not settle for anyone, but those that you like the best. This is a better recipe for success I feel.

So yes, meaningful change can happen, and sooner than you think if you sincerely give it a daily effort. If self-help is not for you, by all means try professional assistance. That can help many persons improve their physical and/or mental states. Sometimes medication is needed to lessen anxiety and fear, or sometimes therapy. Each individual has to find what is best for them to be motivated to reach their goals, and to succeed in them. I gave some advice, but it has to come from you. You have the power to sift through all the information you get, and proceed towards your goals.

I am no longer abnormally shy, nor alone now. I am married to a very great and loving wife, and with two wonderful beautiful children, and I have some quality friends. If anything I am too healthy according to my wife now, and regardless how much money I make I consider myself a success. I am confident enough to take on systems, in a professional legal way, and I do not worry about rejection. So, yes, we all can improve dramatically the quality of our life through our extra efforts, energy, and wisdom, and by being more positive in life.

 

[SusanLR]

People can change to be a better (or worse) version of who they already are. They can't change into a different person.



For instance, that is the kind of change that you discovered was not possible for you. I understand; as an early teen, I was shunned and bullied and I thought it could be solved if I became a cheerleader; the highest status a girl could achieve in my school.

But from studying them to learn more, I realized this ambition was impossible for me. There was no way a tall, gawky, brainy creature who wore a size nine shoe would become one of these busty, chattery, homework-scorning, athletic smaller people.

They came up to my chin. I might as well be a different species.

What did work in me deciding what they thought didn't matter, become better at "being me," and in high school the population pool became large enough for me to be accepted in the art crowd; who didn't care who you looked like, and treasured imagination and brains.

We don't improve when we find improving too challenging, or think it is impossible. For instance, your brother has to want to change.

I hear you and it sounds like you grew up with the same attributes that I had starting in 7th grade.
Tall, awkward, brainy, glasses, zits galore for me, non-athletic, made fun of and called names by the other kids, especially the boys that came up to my chin too.
It hurt some, but, not enough to drive me away from my studies or be depressed over it all.
Just as you said, I turned the situation into becoming better at being me and it just didn't matter what "they" thought.
The only down side I've experienced from taking this attitude is it became like putting a wall around me which led more into not wanting or feeling the need to socialize. This led to not trusting and only feeling totally excepted just being me by only two people.. my parents. That led to a life of being complete only with them as the rest of the world I felt no bonding with. I made my own world and always felt I needed them to keep my sanity also. Just like this thread is about. The need to live at home and if not I didn't have the emotional security to want to or be able to make it on my own. Too late to change that feeling now it seems.

 

[SusanLR]

I have long held the belief that people don't change. They can change their habits or their appearance, or they can make an improvement in their temperament and/or attitude. But ultimately, people don't change from who and what they really are at their core. Admittedly, I'm a pessimist.

After being out of college and living with my parents for 5 1/2 years, I am finally moving out. My brother and I got approved for an apartment and we are moving out in a few weeks. Part of me thinks this could be a new beginning for me. I can be the man I want to be, stand on own two feet, and make my aspirations a reality. But a major part me knows this is wishful thinking and a pipe dream. I don't expect anything to happen overnight or some big epiphany, but maybe I would have a different perspective on life, or some new self-consciousness.

I had the same positive feeling when I left for college. As a fat, introverted, shy and weird mama's boy, I truly thought that I was actually this closeted social butterfly that would make a bunch of friends, talk to girls, get laid, and become the life of the party. I went to some parties, and found them to be overrated. I did make some friends, but mainly through one good friend. These friendships did not last more than a few months, and they only seemed to hang out with me when they were bored or their other friends had plans. I talked to girls, but I was consistently and firmly placed in the friend zone and I left college still a virgin. Overall, I spent the majority of my college years content with getting high, avoiding people and keeping to myself in my dorm room, getting fatter and more depressed.

And now here I am again: friendless, I still haven't been in a relationship, socially inept and awkward and off-putting, and severely depressed (sometimes suicidal). Needless to say, I don't feel positive about the future. Just because I won't be living at home doesn't mean I'll become this new and improved version of myself. I know what I am, and at the end of the day I'll still be me, miserable and alienated.

Additionally, I'm concerned about my brother. Growing up without many friends we spent a lot of time together, and he often took the role of my best friend (while he had no problems with making friends). No one in my age group ever thought I was cool and fun to hang out with, and I honestly often found myself wanting him to see me that way, rather than an older brother. With that said, he has a history of taking advantage of me, and still does occasionally (for example, he owed me $80 a few years ago and when I reminded him of it, he gaslighted me by claiming that he had been giving me little by little every Friday, and I had been smoking so much that I don't remember him doing so). He also has a history of irresponsibility and this worries me. He's already expressed some trouble in coming up with the money for the initial payment on the apartment, and I can't help but feel this going to become a recurring problem. I spent a good deal of our childhoods cleaning up after him, and even though he is older he still knows I instinctively want to help him out, and I fear he will continue to take advantage of me, whether he does it consciously or unconsciously.

So, if anyone is still reading this, I want your input. Do people change?

Hi tdrfreebird:
If you read the above response to werebear, you'll see a lot of my answer to can people change? I think some change does/can happen as time goes by just spontaneously. But, the core of self is self and really doesn't.
I felt like you about not wanting to move out, live alone, etc. So I didn't. I lived as I wanted and that was accepted by my parents. Dad took the attitude things would work out with me in time as I grew older. Didn't.
Mom fed my way of life by being the typical mother that never wanted to lose her baby girl and always squelched any ideas of moving out with a response of "but, we would be lost without you. Don't turn away after all we've done for you." And of course what was mine was theirs, so finances came into play.
I was forced on my own upon their death only. No other family to turn to, no close friends, not enough money to do anything anyway.
I was propositioned so to speak by one person I knew from the tennis club that knew my situation and that I was desperate for a place to live and not be alone.
It was a game of charades. The best face forward towards each other until the move in together came.
Then the real selves came out. He was controlling, demanding of monetary help which I didn't have enough to satisfy so caregiving and manual work was then expected. Platonic thank God. So be aware that people may not change and will take advantage.
I am still in this living situation due to lack of money, disabilities, and never preparing to be on my own. And of course, I've never had to live with someone who takes advantage of my situation and accompanies it with personal put downs. Alone alone is all I feel and oft times angry or depressed. But, I've got to have a place to live and trying to grow inwardly from what people can be like.

 

[WereBear]

Too late to change that feeling now it seems.

I am still in this living situation due to lack of money, disabilities, and never preparing to be on my own. And of course, I've never had to live with someone who takes advantage of my situation and accompanies it with personal put downs. Alone alone is all I feel and oft times angry or depressed. But, I've got to have a place to live and trying to grow inwardly from what people can be like.

Of course, that sounds like a very trying situation. I hope you can keep working on it. Are there any social services where you are now?

 

[Keigan]

People can change, change tells us that we are alive and shows our strength for most people are not brave enough to try.

Everyone can change. Change needs a starting place, a good approach, measurable results, feedback to adjust the journey, a destination that is of value. It only takes three weeks to change something within someone.

 

[Danny 74]

People can change i think...! Since my diagnosis ive seen a reduce in the way i was before, ive stopped getting into trouble, ive changed my diet. Make more of an effort with my wife, i exercise every day.. Everybody is capable of being a better person, just have to really want to change and be determined not to go back to old ways, keep looking forward and soldier on through the hard times.....!

 

[SusanLR]

Of course, that sounds like a very trying situation. I hope you can keep working on it. Are there any social services where you are now?

The Psychologist that diagnosed me says she is always there if I need help and has advised me of what to do and safe places to go if anything should turn physically abusive.
She doesn't know much about housing assistance or assisted living help so she gave a list of local elder affairs attys and organizations that I can get the local facts from. I feel stronger emotionally now and more ready to face what may become of this living arrangement.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

As drops of water slowly fills a jar
So a person who thinks good thoughts becomes a good person
Buddha Buddha Buddha (the robot out of buck rogers)

One positive decision is one drop of water, fill that jar.

 

[abby normal]

i'm still the way god made me. i have similar drives as i did when i was young.

 

[Lonelyaspie173]

I have long held the belief that people don't change. They can change their habits or their appearance, or they can make an improvement in their temperament and/or attitude. But ultimately, people don't change from who and what they really are at their core. Admittedly, I'm a pessimist.

After being out of college and living with my parents for 5 1/2 years, I am finally moving out. My brother and I got approved for an apartment and we are moving out in a few weeks. Part of me thinks this could be a new beginning for me. I can be the man I want to be, stand on own two feet, and make my aspirations a reality. But a major part me knows this is wishful thinking and a pipe dream. I don't expect anything to happen overnight or some big epiphany, but maybe I would have a different perspective on life, or some new self-consciousness.

I had the same positive feeling when I left for college. As a fat, introverted, shy and weird mama's boy, I truly thought that I was actually this closeted social butterfly that would make a bunch of friends, talk to girls, get laid, and become the life of the party. I went to some parties, and found them to be overrated. I did make some friends, but mainly through one good friend. These friendships did not last more than a few months, and they only seemed to hang out with me when they were bored or their other friends had plans. I talked to girls, but I was consistently and firmly placed in the friend zone and I left college still a virgin. Overall, I spent the majority of my college years content with getting high, avoiding people and keeping to myself in my dorm room, getting fatter and more depressed.

And now here I am again: friendless, I still haven't been in a relationship, socially inept and awkward and off-putting, and severely depressed (sometimes suicidal). Needless to say, I don't feel positive about the future. Just because I won't be living at home doesn't mean I'll become this new and improved version of myself. I know what I am, and at the end of the day I'll still be me, miserable and alienated.

Additionally, I'm concerned about my brother. Growing up without many friends we spent a lot of time together, and he often took the role of my best friend (while he had no problems with making friends). No one in my age group ever thought I was cool and fun to hang out with, and I honestly often found myself wanting him to see me that way, rather than an older brother. With that said, he has a history of taking advantage of me, and still does occasionally (for example, he owed me $80 a few years ago and when I reminded him of it, he gaslighted me by claiming that he had been giving me little by little every Friday, and I had been smoking so much that I don't remember him doing so). He also has a history of irresponsibility and this worries me. He's already expressed some trouble in coming up with the money for the initial payment on the apartment, and I can't help but feel this going to become a recurring problem. I spent a good deal of our childhoods cleaning up after him, and even though he is older he still knows I instinctively want to help him out, and I fear he will continue to take advantage of me, whether he does it consciously or unconsciously.

So, if anyone is still reading this, I want your input. Do people change?

OMG you just said what I think every day. We should talk.

 

[Blast off]

Been changing for 38 years, lately negatively for the most part. Moving out should be a good experience wether it's good or bad. Good luck !

 

[Calibar]

Wish I could have been more optimistic and offered some comfort but I feel pretty similarly myself. The brain defect we live with will not go away, it will plague us our entire life. I got to a point where I respect my opinion much more than that of others so I care little for their judgement, and yet in many ways it isolated me more. My strongest desires involve others and I am unable to fulfill them due to incompetence. While I have in some ways eliminated the bitterness of judgement, my life is joyless. Neither very sad nor very happy, an apathetic limbo. Perhaps persistently trying to succeed would eventually work... Don’t know if we have the courage to try it and deal with rejection along the way. I do find though that interacting with other odd individuals is easier. Due to their own shortcomings they may be more tolerant. Many others in our predicament exist and I think it would be mutually beneficial to satisfy our social desires among our kind. Finding them will not be easy, we like to hide in attics J