Disappointed in myself

[AbbyStar]

I'm at my lowest point ever! I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm so upset I just want to crawl into a hole and hide away forever!

I thought I could get better improve myself and make my mom and dad proud but I was wrong. I'm useless and no good for anything. I've tried so hard at everything, tried so hard to improve myself but I'm still the same hopeless girl and now I realise I always will be.

My mum and dad have been amazing, my shining stars! They've given me so much love and help and now I've failed them. I had one other sister and she passed away which was so unfair. She deserved to live a happy long life.
I have brothers but they don't understand me at all. I'm so alone.

I feel like I'm on the journeys end. I can't process anything. I'm frightened all the time and worry about everything especially the future. I get pains and feel.. just awful all the time
And now I've started hearing things and feel confused about everything and have confusing thoughts and feelings

I feel like such a burden and have cost my family so much happiness. I've given it all my best but I'm so disappointed in myself and low now after failing time and time again.

I'm a terrible terrible person and have no one else who understands me.

I was hoping someone here might know a little of what im feeling today. I don't want to be this way anymore but I feel trapped and can't get free.But I understand if you don't wanna talk to me. I'm a monster
Im going for a nap now

 

[Raphael Outcast]

I'm a terrible terrible person and have no one else who understands me.

I was hoping someone here might know a little of what I'm feeling today. I don't want to be this way anymore but I feel trapped and can't get free. But I understand if you don't wanna talk to me. I'm a monster
I'm going for a nap now

Yes, I spent most of the 1990s feeling pretty much as you describe.

If your parents have been so good to you for so long, they probably won't suddenly cease now. They probably still love you. It's kind of what parents are programmed to do anyway.

Brothers are not good at understanding sisters, so that's normal enough!

You may feel trapped, and I know that feeling, but time always does move on (even if it moves painfully slowly...) and this current situation will alter. I personally guarantee it.

Some of us with A.S.D. are too complicated for those around us to understand, and so this does tend to feel pretty lonely; but you may not be quite so alone as you fear.

What on earth has happened to make you feel this way, so low and so negative, right now?

 

[Wolfnox]

Yes i know that feeling all to well. My advice push forward. It may not feel like it. But there is a purpose for you. I imagine you bring your mother and father a lot of happiness. I live with a good family too. Think of myself as a monster for not being able to help them like i should. But sometimes simply being there is enough. Even though you feel unworthy and make mistakes.

 

[Streetwise]

What were you taught is right !what were you taught you should be !your parents probably just want you to be happy ,I’m not a parent but that’s what I hear, how do you stop feeling the way you feel Sometimes I pray ,sometimes I just lie down and suffer, sometimes I stare at the window when it’s sunny, remember because you’re autistic you’re going to feel everything intensely a good idea is to go out for a walk not a I’ve got to get the place as fast as possible walk! but I’m just going for a walk,I don’t !have !to !do !anything !and that’s !why! I’m walking !walk!,Keep talking to us don’t shut down keep telling us what you feel ,whatever !you feel! tell us.
There are members on this forum of every !age! from just about every country !so there’s always! somebody !awake don’t pretend you are happy if you aren’t if you’ve already started to do it get used to not doing it.

 

[Sarah S]

Check youre pm youre NOT alone and you most defenetly arent a monster or freak or failure. DONT give up

 

[clg114]

I'm at my lowest point ever! I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm so upset I just want to crawl into a hole and hide away forever!

I thought I could get better improve myself and make my mom and dad proud but I was wrong. I'm useless and no good for anything. I've tried so hard at everything, tried so hard to improve myself but I'm still the same hopeless girl and now I realise I always will be.

My mum and dad have been amazing, my shining stars! They've given me so much love and help and now I've failed them. I had one other sister and she passed away which was so unfair. She deserved to live a happy long life.
I have brothers but they don't understand me at all. I'm so alone.

I feel like I'm on the journeys end. I can't process anything. I'm frightened all the time and worry about everything especially the future. I get pains and feel.. just awful all the time
And now I've started hearing things and feel confused about everything and have confusing thoughts and feelings

I feel like such a burden and have cost my family so much happiness. I've given it all my best but I'm so disappointed in myself and low now after failing time and time again.

I'm a terrible terrible person and have no one else who understands me.

I was hoping someone here might know a little of what im feeling today. I don't want to be this way anymore but I feel trapped and can't get free.But I understand if you don't wanna talk to me. I'm a monster
Im going for a nap now

To begin with, you are not a monster. It just feels that way. The teens and early twenties were the hardest part of my life. This is very common for young people on the spectrum. I was lucky in that I had loving and caring parents. You have the same advantage. Everything that you expressed in your post, you should make known to your parents. If one of our kids (We have five.) came to us with feelings like yours, we would help them or get help for them. They love you and they will help you. Seeking advice here is not a bad idea ether. Most of us are on the spectrum and all of us were your age once.

 

[Nervous Rex]

It seems like perfectionism is a common autistic trait (this is just my observation, not science). When we fall short of our own expectations, we beat ourselves up.

Give yourself a break. Be at least ask kind to yourself as you would be to someone else in the same situation.

Give yourself compliments at every opportunity. Celebrate every little bit of progress and every achievement, no matter how small.

 

[Thinx]

This sounds tough, I am sorry you are feeling so low. Yes I can recall feeling this way at your age, too, and it was hard to know if I would ever be successful or how that could happen. I actually found things gradually improved through my teens, so hopefully you may find that too.

I am so glad you have good parents, nevertheless it can be stressful when you want to get things right for them, but can't always manage it. I recall failing all my exams except 2 at your age! I did better gradually, got more help and found ways forward that suited me, did fine eventually, and I feel sure you will too. Anyway I realise looking back I was up against a lot, with high autistic traits or Aspergers that does throw extra worry and challenges at us.

Hang in there, you will get through ok. Keep on posting and letting people know how you feel, we all have been through some of what you are up against. Tell us what you enjoy and what your hopes are too!

 

[Nervous Rex]

Keep on posting and letting people know how you feel, we all have been through some of what you are up against. Tell us what you enjoy and what your hopes are too!

That is terrific advice!