Did you grow up wanting friends?

[Bikutoso]

It's a difficult topic for me to write about.

No, not while growing up.
But something I feel I need it today.

 

[George Newman]

As a child, friendships came easily. Those were uncomplicated years; as we’re my friendships.
When I became more self aware, friendships became more complex. Life became more complex.
All thru my teen years I managed well and had a few friends. I had no friends in college that I recal. Many aquaintenaces but no friends.
Once into marriage and career, friendships became very complex given the politics, motivations, agendas, etc. I just can’t/don’t seem to work it all out very well. I manage to a lesser degree than what I might think is average.
I am acquainted with many people. I am an unconditional friend to probably two. I feel confident that I’d do anything for anyone if they called on me though.
I don’t necessaliary attribute my lack of real friends to HFA. First, I would attribute my lack of friends to me being a man. It seems that as men we may prioritize unconditional friendship less and focus our efforts more on alliances; conditional friends. Maybe?
This does remind me to try harder at being a friend. Let’s all purpose ourselves to renew unkept or spark new friendships during this holiday time and into the new year. True unconditional friendships.

 

[SusanLR]

I didn't develop the natural desire to befriend or play with other children.
I prefered playing alone or being with animals/pets.
Up to age 6, there was a neighbor girl the same age as me and my Mom tried to get us to be together.
Sometimes she came over to our house, but, I never really cared doing anything with her there.
I had my own special interests even then and it was my own little world.

We moved to Missouri when I was to start school and the first few days were a disaster.
I didn't want to go, cried, didn't interact with other kids. There were two classes for first graders.
I was stuck in the one for "trouble kids." I finally accepted it, but, at recess stayed to myself.
Usually swinging as high as possible pretending I was flying into the clouds or just sitting at the edge of
the surrounding woods. I did like one boy there and we played cowboys and Indians, explorers and such.
I learned I had interests more like the boys.

I was not good at sports in school and the girls, I didn't get along. I tried the usual girl stuff,
but, just couldn't get into it. Tea parties, dress up, chatty-Kathy types.
So again, my pets, interest in nature and learning all I could, collected toy dinosaurs and Mom played
board games with me.
Anxiety attacks struck at age 13 and I was home schooled for high school.
I then went to the University close by so I didn't have to live there. No friends even then.

I didn't take an interest in boyfriends until I was 24.
But, never wanted marriage or my own family. I was content where I was living at home.
I worked long hours as a pharmacist and fill in delivery driver.
Went to the gulf and fished every weekend with my parents and read a lot in my spare time.
I wasn't really comfortable when I went places with my boyfriend.
The term boyfriend implied a little more attraction and emotion than what I would call
a friend. I've heard the term "emotional affair". Even though I am asexual,
I would call the boyfriend relationship that.
There have been acquaintences that I enjoy talking with. But, I think I would
be hard pressed to know how to describe a true friend.

 

[Gracey]

If memory serves,

I just rolled with it.

No desire or feelings of missing out.

I played out, with brothers or not.

First school (early 70s) - I escaped and walked home a lot.
It was a Roman Catholic school run by nuns. My behaviour got me punished, slippered, assaulted, humiliated...
... because that would convince me to stay in school right?
Not !


Brilliant headmaster in next school got me on to sports teams, once I figured out my role on the teams, I was good at it.

I amused myself if I wasn’t in company.
I don’t remember a desire or longing to be with others.
I don’t remember feeling any way about it.
If they were there, they were there,
If not, I busied myself with something.

 

[Alis1998]

When I was in my teens I wanted friends, however I don't desire it now.
Alot of my so called old friends aren't really friends after all.

I felt like I wanted to belong, be liked and hang out with. But early on I discovered that people can be quite self centrict to the point of unhealthyness mentally. I find it annoying if it is all about them, and never was it about me.

All relationships are give and get, and I was the one that always gave but rarely get. I don't see the point of remaining friends with somebody that only wants to get things resoveld around them. But if somebody has a more balanced way of having a proper friendship, then I would say sure.

True friendship is hard to find, and therefore I l lost my desire to have friends. I rather be lonely then to keep continueing a friendship that only is one sided. I get that people can be in a hard place, but if it takes you months to reply, or you don't even care about my issues then I am done with it.

However I do like social interaction. I have that alot at work because my work excist of at least talking 30 minutes to a client and bassicly doing their hair in the main time. My boyfriend is very talkactive, and so is my mother. I don't miss social interaction but I would like to have somebody else where I can just share other things with, do other things. It doesn't nessarly have to be a friend.

 

[dhl02]

I'm a person on the spectrum that is also a people person....NTs hate that type of aspie. I'm super abrasive to hang out with because most of the time I am myself, and I have a problem not talking. I have a few friends who have learned to put up with it, but otherwise most just find me annoying.

 

[Mr Allen]

I'm a person on the spectrum that is also a people person....NTs hate that type of aspie. I'm super abrasive to hang out with because most of the time I am myself, and I have a problem not talking. I have a few friends who have learned to put up with it, but otherwise most just find me annoying.

Yeah I'm like that, it kind of goes against the "Hermit" aspect of some people on the spectrum, but it works for me, I'd rather surround myself with people than be totally on my own all the time, although there are times when I just think "stop the world I wanna get off!"

 

[Thinx]

I don't think friendship between adults is likely to be unconditional. Depending what unconditional is taken to mean. It seems more about what the conditions are for each person, and how that works for them? I find it hard to meet the conditions that are often wanted, because frequency of meeting and socialising seem too high, and there is not enough depth in the interactions. Then it may seem I am cool or unfriendly?

 

[aspieandconfused_87]

According to my mother I apparently never went out of my way to make friends as a child, I was perfectly content with spending time on my own, but I never wanted my parents to far away either, I think was more a fear thing, and as I got older my interactions with other children was almost always uncomfortable or they were mean to me, I was picked on a lot and had little to no friends during the critical time most kids are developing social skills and forming relationships so I had no desire to make friends after that and for the most part this has carried on into adulthood, also I almost always get along better with people older than me.

Friendships and relationships in general are a pain sometimes and depending on the person can require a lot of work to maintain, the majority of friendships I have ever had they usually reached out to me first and they consciously made an effort to connect to me and eventually I let them in or we just clicked.

A few key people in my life have really helped me come out of my shell and develop into who I am today, but sadly I am finding it more and more difficult to get and keep lasting friendships as an adult I have had several "best friends" in my life but eventually they all ended up moving on with their own lives. I sort of have 2 friends right now both female and both live far away, but no friends at all outside of them. I have people at work I get along with and generally enjoy their presence but not really anyone I would consider hanging out with outside of work, plus when you see someone all the time it gets old, for me it generally comes down to most people are just not interested in things I am or they just don't really connect to me.

This isn't generally a fault of theirs persay, I am just a hard person to reach and connect to as I tend to be pretty closed off since I don't really trust most people, but every now and then I meet some people who I just instantly have a connection with (unicorns) these people are then ones I usually end up being really close too, also they usually tend to be female and most other men I generally don't like or have anything in common with or feel comfortable with, I can't be close to guy the way I can with a female, females are usually easier to talk to and I can be more open and honest and feel less intimidated by, plus I was pretty much raised by a woman so that is probably a factor as well.

 

[2205]

I don’t remember wanting friends until about age 10. But I also didn’t refuse friends when someone initiated friendship. So I had some friend-like relationships in school and some kids in my neighborhood but when puberty hit, I suddenly felt I didn’t belong anywhere. Or maybe I just realized then what real friendship looks like on others (like sharing personal stuff and hanging out together a lot) . I just didn’t have anything like that with anyone. (And didn’t have any understanding how this kind of thing could even happen). For me there were just people to sit next to in school or to talk about some homework stuff.

In high school I again thought I had a few friends until I realized that it wasn’t a friendship. I didn’t share anything personal with anyone and I felt I wasn’t “that one person” to no one. So in my 20s I tried just to network a lot, in hope some relationship would magically happen. It didn’t. Now I’ve given up.