Did or does anyone wish the person they did not like, would just die

[Suzanne]

Just to reassure everyone lol that I know longer feel this way and when I did, I never actually killed anyone!

Now I see that I just did not understand emotions very well and so, my safety net, for when people were horrible to me or I just felt they were a heck of a burden to my life, but no way of getting away, I would often think: oh if only they would die and leave me alone!

Never took on any fantasies of how they would die, just die equaling: get out of my life, but I did not understand the concept.

I am terrible quick to both love and hate a person ie in the blink of an eye! My husband has said often when we are arguing (yes we do too often, sadly) that I have hatred in my eyes for him and it sort of throws me, because ok I feel hatred, but never realised it showed in my face!

 

[Harrison]

Just to reassure everyone lol that I know longer feel this way and when I did, I never actually killed anyone!

Now I see that I just did not understand emotions very well and so, my safety net, for when people were horrible to me or I just felt they were a heck of a burden to my life, but no way of getting away, I would often think: oh if only they would die and leave me alone!

Never took on any fantasies of how they would die, just die equaling: get out of my life, but I did not understand the concept.

I am terrible quick to both love and hate a person ie in the blink of an eye! My husband has said often when we are arguing (yes we do too often, sadly) that I have hatred in my eyes for him and it sort of throws me, because ok I feel hatred, but never realised it showed in my face!

I have had these thoughts/desires many times through life, and although I fully understood what death was, it didn't stop me from wishing it upon someone.

Now I am far more 'balanced' and happy within myself, plus nobody ever dropped dead because I wished it so it is pointless.

 

[daisychain]

For years when I felt trapped in an awful marriage, I would have elaborate fantasies of my husband dying. I imagined hearing the news, planning the funeral, even giving a really nice eulogy. I felt terrible for having these thoughts, but it was so nice to be able to envision a life without him where I didn't have to go through what I'm going through now (the divorce from h***).

Then I realized I didn't want him to die-- I wanted certain aspects of his personality to die -- to disappear. So that one day I'd wake up married to someone who didn't constantly criticize me, or blame me for everything, or make fun of me in front of our kids.

Finally, I divorced him. And now I hope he keeps on living because my kids need a father.

 

[epath13]

I told to a person who abused me that one day he's going to die like a sick dog (no offense to dogs ) and nobody's going to care. I didn't say it because I hated him, or because I wanted it to happen, I said it because I believed that the Universe, some strange power I didn't understand was going to make it happen. Years later it did happen the way I envisioned it. The only thing I felt is sadness and pain for myself and for people like he was - sick confused kid that never grew up and ended up crossing to the other side. So yeah... I can get angry and wouldn't hesitate to shoot a person if they attack me, and if I know that my life is in danger but I don't wish death to anyone because I always have the same thoughts about the reasons behind people darkest actions, and it's almost always pain...

 

[pushpin]

Yeah, I kind of look forward to my dad dying. But, the longer I spend not talking to him, the less I care about both his life and his death, which is preferable. I'd rather not care for him at all than wish him dead as wishing him dead shows that his hateful ways still have a hold on me.

 

[Judge]

I stopped having such deeply negative thoughts about others many years ago.

When I came to terms with the reality that to be that angry for much of any reason was first and foremost toxic to myself.

 

[photoaddict]

I've felt that way, though, honestly, I don't care whether the person dies or just disappears completely from my life. Either way works because people who disappear from my life might as well be dead, considering how much contact I have with them. Basically, I just want the people who cause me trouble to go away. If they won't do that by their own power, what option is there, besides death? I wouldn't kill anyone or even consider it. Heck, I won't punch someone. But I wouldn't be sad if they were gone.

 

[Kirsty]

Lol this thread is funny. Yes! I have wished that on a number of people in the past, especially the wicked stepmum!

 

[wyverary]

In the past, yes.I have held some serious grudges in my time. But then I came to the realization that what they do really doesn't matter to me, as long as I'm able to cut them out of my life, and these days I find it almost impossible to hold any grudge whatsoever. "Out of sight, out of mind," as they say. In my opinion, they are free to be whomever they are, do whatever they do; and hopefully, if they are harming other people in the way they have harmed me, those people have the good sense to do the same. Of course, I don't know what it's like (yet!) to have such a person who is constantly in my life, whom I cannot cut off completely. While I don't wish death on anyone, I can fully understand the feeling. Being trapped in a relationship (whether it be family or professionally or whatever) with a toxic person is, I can only imagine, a miserable experience, and I can't judge anyone for whatever feelings they might have towards that person. That said...murder is not a good idea. It's probably more trouble than it's worth to clean up the mess and hide the body.

 

[Suzanne]

My husband said to me one day, out of the blue: the trouble with you Suzanne, is that you do not separate the crime from the person and so, end up hating the entire person and wow that was like: some one hitting me, but not in a particularly bad and really got me pondering, because never, ever I had thought about it like that! It was actually a catharsis for me because I began to work on it and an occasion came about where a potential friend ( for me, that is pretty amazing) really wound me up and once again, I began to HATE her ie hated her voice and every thing about her and just was very basically polite to her. It hit me then, that I was doing it again, but I was so gripped with hatred, that I could not separate the two and then, something rather remarkable happened: SHE CAME TO SEE ME because she felt sure she had upset me and we actually TALKED about it and again, for the very first time in my history, I managed to explain why she hurt me and she actually cried and said she knows her jokes are unkind many times and that she loves me and really does not want to hurt me and we hugged (but as usual, might as well been a lump of wood, for all the emotions I get) and since then, I am improving and really am striving to separate the person from what I do not particularly like about them!

Since then, numerous times I do not like her very much and she is by no means, a favourite of mine, but strangely I do love her (in my way) which is all very new to me, for if any one hurt me in the past, that was it - good bye! It is all rather fascinating to me lol

 

[JCPHN]

Yeah, I kind of look forward to my dad dying. But, the longer I spend not talking to him, the less I care about both his life and his death, which is preferable. I'd rather not care for him at all than wish him dead as wishing him dead shows that his hateful ways still have a hold on me.

I feel the exact same way about my Dad, and some other people who've really messed with me in the past. But still, I think it's better to not think about those people at all, rather than to give them any power over you by even being an insignificant thought.

Edit: I also wanted to add that it's hard not to feel those kinds of animosities when the people they're directed at had more of a negative impact on you than less important people could have. I think it's frustrating to have to tone down the strength of some of your emotions when they are concerning a person or people who were or are a big part of your life, and that really sucks, but it's better in the end. Just wanted to point out that struggle in case anyone can identify with me.

 

[nowwhat]

Yes, but what if much of the time, that person has been me? And what if I've had lots of help with the wishing?

Like many of us, I hold grudges far too long. I'm trying to get better with that. There are very few people I'd wish something horrible and final on, though. Although I've had my moments....

 

[JCPHN]

I think if you are aware that you can hold grudges too long, like many of us, and you're also admitting you can be too hard on yourself at times, I would suggest maybe it's time to forgive yourself for some things and try and forgive some other people who have hurt you. But that's just what I would do, and I'm the first to agree it's easier said than done. But I just assume if we have awareness, it's a gift, and we should use it.

 

[AutumnRed]

Yes, yes, God yes, if thoughts could kill I would currently share the same corner of hell as Stalin. But that was in the past - before I started to get a handle on my life and when it seemed that every human being was put on earth to annoy me.

 

[AsheSkyler]

AutumnRed I'll be your bunk mate if you like! There are some very terrible people I've known or known of that I rather delight in the hope they have a slow, lingering, painful death if they do not make amends for what they've done. Some of the less evil people I don't wish to die, but I do think they should be removed. (In example, I presently wish to start a petition that will make all politicians go into early retirement to their golf courses and let us just start over with this government thing, I think we botched our first attempt.)

 

[Suzanne]

I hold grudges far too long.

I have come to the possible reason why we hold grudges for so long, because I am sooooooo guilty of this and for me, it is due to my long memory and so, the pain etc, caused to me, is always in front of me, so to speak; I have not cultivated the ability to put it in a part of my memory that forgets pain!

It also has to do with never dealing with it straight away, but being ridiculously polite, whilst seeing them in my mind's eye, flat out on the floor, from the heck of punch I gave them lol and so, I am trying now, to learn to deal with the hurt straight away and thus, the grudge cannot stay around, because I have the choice to forgive, but because they are sorry etc.

One cannot forgive in the person is not sorry!

 

[Suzanne]

if thoughts could kill

Many would have lost their lives I am so thankful that it really is in the past for me! Not sure at what stage, I started to not wish people dead, but it happened, I am applaud it, because it is not a nice thought!

 

[garnetflower13]

When my parents separated I was about eleven. My father was at times abusive towards my mother, and while I loved both my parents, I hated him for that. For a long time I carried a grudge against him and ignored his attempts to reach out to me. I even told people he was dead, or wished him dead a lot because of all the emotional damage I had experienced. As I grew towards adulthood, I began to look at things differently. I started to contact him every Sunday, and just chat. When he got ill and had to be admitted to a nursing home I was miles away but tried to stay in touch. I was able to tell him that I loved him, which was a big step for me. He died that same year, and I felt it was a clean grieving because I had made my peace with him.