Did my special interest impact me socially? Yep....

[Owliet]

My psych likes to review the past a lot as to why I react to certain events without knowing that I’m being triggered. One of the things that was touched upon was the difference between feeling accepted at university compared to when I was in school, and I mentioned that unlike the mainstream interests of boys, pop stars, music, fashion, makeup etc that my peers were into *i went to an all girls school in addition* my interests were not really “normal “ for fitting in.

For a start I was obsessed with dinosaurs and got into a fight (verbal fight, I got a detention for arguing back)with some girl who claimed that they had been put there by god as a fake to confuse people. I’d consume everything related to dinosaurs and would often ramble a list of facts to anyone around. In addition to this, I was obsessEd with the lion king *it was my Special special interest* and would listen to the soundtracks on repeat, collect everything related to it. I would also quote it endlessly and give facts about the film on loop. I’m annoying myself even thinking about it.

It’s NOT really surprising that I was bullied relentlessly for this and the additional obvious differences and I kinda hate myself that I just wouldn’t give something so mainstream “normal” a chance. The difference with university was that nerds were becoming more acceptable and I was not as obsessed with the lion king, I had broadening interests.

And then there’s now. I have interests that aren’t entirely mainstream like interested in certain bands or pop stars or actors but I am into nerd fandoms and still like Disney things. It’s annoying that this is more acceptable now but I’m riding that wave. But I think one of the reasons why I expanded My interests out as I got older is subconsciously because I’m trying to fit in still despite having other social related anxieties that even now my special interests are impactful *even if they’re more acceptable now.

I have had mostly negative responses to my special interests over the years, and they’re pretty tame compared to some others that I knew from uni. Has anyone else felt that their special interest has impacted them socially? Have they been perceived in A good way?

 

[Jordy]

Off-topic but I love your profile picture

 

[Neonatal RRT]

One, I think that what you are experiencing is not that uncommon, as most people do not have as intense a desire to share their special interests as much as a typical autistic individual, nor do most people take "deep dives" into a topic like we do,...especially if it involves topics around "entertainment" (books, movies, music, video games, whatever). Two, if there is going to be "negativity", it is more a function of the company you keep. Find other "nerds" like yourself and there will be acceptance.

My life has been full of special interests,...and I take deep, deep dives,...and spent 10's of thousands of dollars on them. If I am going to do something,...it's 110%,...above and beyond. My poor wife,...what a tolerant person. LOL! Having said that, my interests were more "mainstream",...auto racing, aquariums, fishing, bonsai, physics, botany, renewable energy, orchid growing, etc,...but even then,...I will start to monologue on a particular topic and loose people. Like, they will literally walk away.

In my experience, the vast majority of people will have NO interest in your special interests,...and you will have NO interest in their lives either. Trying to bond with someone on this level is almost prohibitive. My advice,...enjoy your special interests,...those are special to you,...embrace it,...but DO NOT expect others to reciprocate.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I don't think NTs can really understand ASD special interests / obsessions very well, so their reactions always seem to be a mixed bag. Even if they claim to have a similar interest, you're going to end up (even if accidentally) completely showing them up or bombarding them with information (at least in my experience, that's how it goes) and since everything has to be a competition with NTs (more or less, I know that sounds harsh) they're going to eventually just resent you for it, make jokes about it, or somehow make you out to be the bad guy / gal for having obsessions to begin with.

YMMV, of course. Hopefully it'll play out better than that for you, but that's kind of how it goes for me. The deep dive is a solo expedition, I guess?

 

[Owliet]

but DO NOT expect others to reciprocate.

Yes...I wish that I had understood that when I was younger. It would have saved me a lot of hurt. I’ve certainly learnt the hard way and try to keep my over interest in it relatively bottled up to avoid repeats — although that’s another issue entirely...

Even if they claim to have a similar interest, you're going to end up (even if accidentally) completely showing them up or bombarding them with information (at least in my experience, that's how it goes) and since everything has to be a competition with NTs (more or less, I know that sounds harsh) they're going to eventually just resent you for it, make jokes about it, or somehow make you out to be the bad guy / gal for having obsessions to begin with.

That’s very true. It’s one of the pitfalls that I have learned or currently learning because so,times I do slip up in my enthusiasm that when that happens, it isn’t on the same level at all and I look too much like I’m far too obsessed. Oddly, people really don’t like that either. It’s very odd to be having an interest in something but only have it on a surface level, not too deep but not deep enough.

 

[VictorR]

I've always liked old things. I've accumulated a whole bunch of random knick-knacks over the years. As a child (and even now), I loved visiting markets and antique shops. It didn't matter what it was - a postcard, a stamp, some old currency, a pin or button, etc - if it was neat and inexpensive, I was going to buy it, and learn as much as I could about it, and share it.

Naturally, most boys are more interested in sports, and in their high school years - cars and girls. Not random old things.

So I was always that eccentric kid with their weird interest, and whom sometimes carried things with me to school in case someone were to ask about them (almost never).

I remember one year, a classmate told me that his father had a collection of stuff that he could show me and perhaps sell to me. It might just take some time as his father worked out of town. And so we'd have to wait until his father next came before he could ask about them. And then his father needed to bring them on his next trip. And then his younger brother took them to show-and-tell. And the stories continued. It wasn't until the end of the school year that it dawned on me that perhaps I had been strung along for a year-long joke, though I was hoping that it wasn't the case, since it didn't make sense what incentive someone would have to make something up and keep the charade going for months.

This points to one of the issues with being on the spectrum - honesty, and tendency to take things at face value. It would yet me many years before I started to better understand that not everything is at it seems. And I'm still learning.

On the positive side of things, at least anytime there was some sort of trivia game, rather than being last to be picked, I would usually be one of the first, since I was full of what would normally be very random and mostly useless factoids.

 

[Tom]

I have been collecting Lion King collector cards and stickers since the film came out. They are always making new ones here and there around the world. It started as something to collect with my daughter, and she is still involved but it is really me the Aspie obsessive collector that keeps it going.

Anyway, at some point I wrote to all the voice actors, kind of explained this and sent them a trading card and asked them to sign it and address it to my daughter. Most did though it often took quite a while to get them back, the longest being 2 years! (Moira Kelly). But the best of all was Jim Cummings (Ed). He drew cartoons and made jokes for her that covered the envelope as well as card.

 

[Kalinychta]

I’d consume everything related to dinosaurs and would often ramble a list of facts to anyone around. In addition to this, I was obsessEd with the lion king *it was my Special special interest* and would listen to the soundtracks on repeat, collect everything related to it. I would also quote it endlessly and give facts about the film on loop. I’m annoying myself even thinking about it.

It sounds to me like possibly a big part of the problem was the frequency with which you talked about your interests and how much detail you gave. My autistic nephew has a huge huge huuuuuge problem with this. He talks endlessly about the topics he’s interested in, even when no one is listening (he doesn’t seem to notice when no one is listening) and when others have tried to shift the conversation in new directions (he often just ignores them/us and just keeps on talking), and when I try to explain to him that he’s welcome to tell me a little bit about his interests but that I don’t share them and most people don’t as well so he shouldn’t carry on about them to the extent that he does, he gets mad and sad and takes it personally, as though I am criticizing him as a person and telling him that I am not interested in him.

I don't think NTs can really understand ASD special interests / obsessions very well, so their reactions always seem to be a mixed bag. Even if they claim to have a similar interest, you're going to end up (even if accidentally) completely showing them up or bombarding them with information (at least in my experience, that's how it goes) and since everything has to be a competition with NTs (more or less, I know that sounds harsh) they're going to eventually just resent you for it, make jokes about it, or somehow make you out to be the bad guy / gal for having obsessions to begin with.

I don’t think it’s about competition. It’s about boundaries. Autistic people tend to be bad at recognizing them and respecting them. Suppose you said you like to read books, so I bombarded you with endless information about the history of book-making and literature. Or if you said you’ve been enjoying taking walks lately, so I tsunami’d you with the history of parks, exercise, etc. I think autistic people have a tendency to always act like we’re being victimized by NTs when in fact we are the ones who are being rude, albeit unintentionally. Like my nephew.

In my experience, the vast majority of people will have NO interest in your special interests,...and you will have NO interest in their lives either. Trying to bond with someone on this level is almost prohibitive. My advice,...enjoy your special interests,...those are special to you,...embrace it,...but DO NOT expect others to reciprocate.

Exactly. Well put.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

My psych likes to review the past a lot as to why I react to certain events without knowing that I’m being triggered. One of the things that was touched upon was the difference between feeling accepted at university compared to when I was in school, and I mentioned that unlike the mainstream interests of boys, pop stars, music, fashion, makeup etc that my peers were into *i went to an all girls school in addition* my interests were not really “normal “ for fitting in.

For a start I was obsessed with dinosaurs and got into a fight (verbal fight, I got a detention for arguing back)with some girl who claimed that they had been put there by god as a fake to confuse people. I’d consume everything related to dinosaurs and would often ramble a list of facts to anyone around. In addition to this, I was obsessEd with the lion king *it was my Special special interest* and would listen to the soundtracks on repeat, collect everything related to it. I would also quote it endlessly and give facts about the film on loop. I’m annoying myself even thinking about it.

It’s NOT really surprising that I was bullied relentlessly for this and the additional obvious differences and I kinda hate myself that I just wouldn’t give something so mainstream “normal” a chance. The difference with university was that nerds were becoming more acceptable and I was not as obsessed with the lion king, I had broadening interests.

And then there’s now. I have interests that aren’t entirely mainstream like interested in certain bands or pop stars or actors but I am into nerd fandoms and still like Disney things. It’s annoying that this is more acceptable now but I’m riding that wave. But I think one of the reasons why I expanded My interests out as I got older is subconsciously because I’m trying to fit in still despite having other social related anxieties that even now my special interests are impactful *even if they’re more acceptable now.

I have had mostly negative responses to my special interests over the years, and they’re pretty tame compared to some others that I knew from uni. Has anyone else felt that their special interest has impacted them socially? Have they been perceived in A good way?

Through HS my interests made no difference because of other social deficits. I think they were the only things keeping me sane. Like you I found University was a little more accepting.

Then, as I started my research position, living independently, did my interests become positives. I enjoyed travel, natural history, human powered outdoor recreation (silent sports) and fossil collecting. As a result these got me involved in different groups where I practiced being social. Eventually my knowledge of gear and backpacking got my future spouse's attention and she fell for me as I unabashedly enjoyed the natural world. We started out on a trail maintenance trip, backpacked on our honeymoon, and, like today, still enjoy getting out. I would have to say that my interests have been a net positive in my life.

 

[Owliet]

This points to one of the issues with being on the spectrum - honesty, and tendency to take things at face value. It would yet me many years before I started to better understand that not everything is at it seems. And I'm still learning.

Yes, I have this problem of trusting too much and then discovering that I was completely wrong and then becoming disappointed and sad that I allowed it to happen like that. I too am still learning.

I have been collecting Lion King collector cards and stickers since the film came out. They are always making new ones here and there around the world. It started as something to collect with my daughter, and she is still involved but it is really me the Aspie obsessive collector that keeps it going.

Anyway, at some point I wrote to all the voice actors, kind of explained this and sent them a trading card and asked them to sign it and address it to my daughter. Most did though it often took quite a while to get them back, the longest being 2 years! (Moira Kelly). But the best of all was Jim Cummings (Ed). He drew cartoons and made jokes for her that covered the envelope as well as card.

That is very awesome and special. =) I’ve heard good things about Jim Cummings too.

It sounds to me like possibly a big part of the problem was the frequency with which you talked about your interests and how much detail you gave.

Yes, I think that was one of the reasons why I was met with a lot of bullying as a kid from it. It was too much detail and too often. Never really gave others the input themselves. However, how do you get the understanding when you’re doing that when you lack the awareness and skills to try to make it differently? I really cringe at my younger self and whilst I can go on about subjects even now, I have learned that its not always what is considered as acceptable and it’s better to bottle most of it up.

even when no one is listening (he doesn’t seem to notice when no one is listening) and when others have tried to shift the conversation in new directions (he often just ignores them/us and just keeps on talking),

Yes, I used to do this too like your nephew , and I would become very upset if I couldn’t pursue it further. I have learned to not do this, but I’ve become more withdrawn from talking about interests as a result. It’s difficult to see that being told that no one is interested or that it’s boring is not entirely malicious.

I think autistic people have a tendency to always act like we’re being victimized by NTs when in fact we are the ones who are being rude, albeit unintentionally.

I agree. For years, I felt like my peers just didn’t get me and that it was their fault that they didn’t understand. Alas, It’s not hard to see why in some way I was rejected and bullied as a child Partly because of this. i certainly didn’t help myself. =(
im glad that I at least learned, even if it was the hard way, and found acceptance at university for my interests (and expanded on interests too).

As a result these got me involved in different groups where I practiced being social.

This is something that I’m hoping to try to do myself once I get a little braver *and more stable* to re-socialize again.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

This is something that I’m hoping to try to do myself once I get a little braver *and more stable* to re-socialize again.

I wish you the best of luck with this goal. Today did a 24 mile bike ride on the White Pine trail with my spouse and 5 friends and had a great time. My friends have always been very accepting and I am devoted to them because of that.

 

[Owliet]

I wish you the best of luck with this goal. Today did a 24 mile bike ride on the White Pine trail with my spouse and 5 friends and had a great time. My friends have always been very accepting and I am devoted to them because of that.

That sounds like a great day out.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

That sounds like a great day out.

It was nice riding through forests and fields. For lunch we go to a nice place in an old train depot, called After 26, which alludes to their hiring of people with disabilities who have aged out of services. Wonderful people and really good food. I had a grilled cheese sandwich with onion jam and bacon. Lessee . . . I could opt for a McBurger, or I could support a place that values their workers and has good food. The choice is a no-brainer for me.

(added) We have so many good mom and pop places that beat the socks off of most fast food chains. We only need better Mexican. Chile Rellenos are just too tedious to make and I would love Chilaquiles for breakfast (though I sometimes whip up Gallo Pinto).

 

[Luca]

Until I met other people who had the same special interest as me, my special interests were always perceived as weird, uninteresting, and socially unacceptable (and it was more the level/intensity of the interests than what the interests actually were.)

When I was a kid, my special interests literally ruined my life because I was bullied so badly. And then the bullying led to other types of abuse, which is why I have PTSD and why I can't open up to people. I think I have mentioned that most of the people in my personal life have no idea what most of my interests are, and DEFINITELY not the extent of them (aside from knowing about my career, and aside from people who share my interests)

So, I don't discuss interests or personal stuff with people until I know with pretty solid certainty that they are a "safe" person. Kind of sad, but it has to be that way, because I don't think I could handle being bullied like that again and it would probably destroy my will to live.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Until I met other people who had the same special interest as me, my special interests were always perceived as weird, uninteresting, and socially unacceptable (and it was more the level/intensity of the interests than what the interests actually were.)

When I was a kid, my special interests literally ruined my life because I was bullied so badly. And then the bullying led to other types of abuse, which is why I have PTSD and why I can't open up to people. I think I have mentioned that most of the people in my personal life have no idea what most of my interests are, and DEFINITELY not the extent of them (aside from knowing about my career, and aside from people who share my interests)

So, I don't discuss interests or personal stuff with people until I know with pretty solid certainty that they are a "safe" person. Kind of sad, but it has to be that way, because I don't think I could handle being bullied like that again and it would probably destroy my will to live.

A Teddy Bear for a hug to you. Having your interests, the core of who we are, denied so brutally, angers me. Yet you still seem like a sensitive person. I can only hope that your life can be filled with accepting people and you will heal (sniff).

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I keep my special interests to myself, other the the one I developed at the beginning of my career , industrial colour control, turned it into a successful career. If I had followed my dream would have become a theoretical physicist, did not happen. not bright enough. happy with the way things turned out.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I keep my special interests to myself, other the the one I developed at the beginning of my career , industrial colour control, turned it into a successful career.

I can only imagine the specifications to control color accuracy!

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

CMC delta of 0.5, which was considered impossible within the industry, I controlled all the colours within this tolerance, thousands of colours, multiple suppliers just do what I instruct. used statistical process control, I would get epiphanies on what changes needed to be made in lab colour control procedures. Most lab guys are chemists, I had an engineering background and had a different perspective, would never have occurred to process engineers to use something they were taught in a lab setting something chemists are not familiar with. Actually only chemical engineering. My use of statistics not the actual colour but differences, was also a bit of a shift slowly tightened the tolerance, continuous improvement.

For those interested I can picture how flying a plane relates to colour conrtol, using something called Reynolds number.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

CMC delta of 0.5, which was considered impossible within the industry, I controlled all the colours within this tolerance, thousands of colours, multiple suppliers just do what I instruct. used statistical process control, I would get epiphanies on what changes needed to be made in lab colour control procedures. Most lab guys are chemists, I had an engineering background and had a different perspective, would never have occurred to process engineers to use something they were taught in a lab setting something chemists are not familiar with. Actually only chemical engineering. My use of statistics not the actual colour but differences, was also a bit of a shift slowly tightened the tolerance, continuous improvement.

Very nice. My use of statistical design of experiments was done to demonstrate to the FDA that processes were designed to consistently meet specifications with the risk of an OOS product predicted to be less than a probability of one in a million.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I just looked it up it is still considered not possible or useful to control colour below 1, but if you can easily why not.
Being a coil line we produced a lot of product there is product out now roofing and garage door prints that are not possible to control colour on unless you use my methods. I'm retired.