Did a happy dance, didn't know there were spectators

[kriss72]

So I was out walking today, small forest thingy, on the way in, I met a couple taking photos and they pointed out an elk standing between the trees to me, cool - I was happy to see that, then I continued on the path, I enjoyed the view, took some pictures and started to head out, I had not seen the couple again, I passed the spot where they had taken photos, it had started to rain, so thought I was alone. I had my headphones on (as always), and was getting quite happy and immersed in the music, so I might or might not have begone to do a little dancing and rocking thingy with my arms to the side as I walked out, I stopped to take some more pictures and continued my happy little walk - at one point I did a spin around.... and that couple was walking behind me, I was not alone they must have passed me when I was busy taking photos, turned around and caught up with me again when I did my second photo stop, I had not heard them bc of the nc-headphones and music.

I hope they enjoyed the show, but it made me think - like isn't it ok to do a happy dance if you are happy in public? Like why not... ? I would be to shy to do it, if I had known someone would see me, I'm not a dancer... but I didn't know and was just really feeling happy

 

[Aspychata]

Giving into spontaneous boughts of happiness isn't an arrestable offense in America.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I hope they enjoyed the show, but it made me think - like isn't it ok to do a happy dance if you are happy in public? Like why not... ? I would be to shy to do it, if I had known someone would see me, I'm not a dancer... but I didn't know and was just really feeling happy

Absolutely it's ok. You may have picked up  their spirits. I understand the embarrassment. I would not intentionally happy dance if I knew there were witnesses - I would be showcasing my lack of any discernible sense of rhythm or coordination.
But the way I see it, if you enjoyed it and didn't hurt anyone, just be happy.

 

[Rodafina]

isn't it ok to do a happy dance if you are happy in public? Like why not... ?

Absolutely, positively, without a doubt. Spontaneous joy is a beautiful thing and should never be repressed. Usually someone witnessing a happy dance makes them happy, too, and there’s nothing wrong with spreading a little happiness through this sad ol’ world.

 

[Misty Avich]

They might have assumed you were dancing to your music.

But I understand what you mean, it's annoying when you think you're alone somewhere so you do something you'd only do in private, only to realise someone saw you the whole time.

That happened to me once time. It was even more embarrassing than your situation. I was walking down an alley with my mother, and she began running. I didn't feel like running, so I yelled "please don't make me run, Mum, I have to poop!" (we were nearly home). My mum stopped running then we both noticed there were two teenage boys hiding behind a tree smoking cigarettes, and obviously heard everything. This happened like 10 years ago but I still feel embarrassed to this day whenever I remember it. It was probably hilarious to them.

 

[The Pandector]

Sounds like you were obviously in a groove. Unless you were flailing in some hazardous way, I'm guess many secretly wished they could have moments like that. Let 'em suffer.

 

[kriss72]

Giving into spontaneous boughts of happiness isn't an arrestable offense in America.

Absolutely it's ok. You may have picked up  their spirits...

Absolutely, positively, without a doubt. Spontaneous joy is a beautiful thing...

Sounds like you were obviously in a groove....

Thank you to all of you, it actually makes me feel better to hear it was ok to do, and might even have made them happy

They might have assumed you were dancing to your music.

They would be correct, at least to some degree - been listening to that song on repeat since yesterday it makes me happy, but also I was happy because my daughter seems ok again, I was outside, seeing the elk, taking the pictures, seeing the green moss, the water, the thinking about how pretty everything will be when spring comes, all the plants and small animals sleeping, just waiting for the spring to come, hard not to get happy

But I understand what you mean, it's annoying when you think you're alone somewhere so you do something you'd only do in private, only to realise someone saw you the whole time.

Yeah, maybe annoying because knowing they were behind me meant I had to, let's say dampen my expressed enthusiasm Otherwise it was more a feeling shy thing, I shouldn't be, but anyway, I was still happy.

That happened to me once time. It was even more embarrassing than your situation. I was walking down an alley with my mother, and she began running. I didn't feel like running, so I yelled "please don't make me run, Mum, I have to poop!" (we were nearly home). My mum stopped running then we both noticed there were two teenage boys hiding behind a tree smoking cigarettes, and obviously heard everything. This happened like 10 years ago but I still feel embarrassed to this day whenever I remember it. It was probably hilarious to them.

I'm sure they at least smiled, I can relate to your embarrassment, sometimes we do things that was really not intended for others to see/hear.

 

[Aspychata]

I remember finding out from the attorney in the elevator that the judge stamped my document, and l started jumping up and down in the elevator. Then l just laughed at myself.

 

[kriss72]

I can only talk for my self, but I think maybe the reason I try to avoid being very visible with stims (or dances) - it is probably something learned at a very young age, doing something very visible draws attention, something you definitely don't want to do when being a target at the time.

 

[Misty Avich]

Yeah, maybe annoying because knowing they were behind me meant I had to, let's say dampen my expressed enthusiasm

Ah, this is where I always say that there's a strict hidden rule about being on your own in public, and that is that you must not show emotion. The autism community seem to think that expressing emotions is what NTs want you to do in public, but it's actually quite the contrary. Being an expressionless robot makes strangers a lot happier. Even when you're with someone you're supposed to keep it lowkey, only have 'socially acceptable' discussions, and express positive emotions only, but to a mild extent. That's why I find being in public draining. If you don't want an audience or you don't like being stared at or judged, you have to remember all these rules and be an emotionless clone. And that is so hard when you have ADHD.

 

[kriss72]

Ah, this is where I always say that there's a strict hidden rule about being on your own in public, and that is that you must not show emotion. The autism community seem to think that expressing emotions is what NTs want you to do in public, but it's actually quite the contrary. Being an expressionless robot makes strangers a lot happier. Even when you're with someone you're supposed to keep it lowkey, only have 'socially acceptable' discussions, and express positive emotions only, but to a mild extent. That's why I find being in public draining. If you don't want an audience or you don't like being stared at or judged, you have to remember all these rules and be an emotionless clone. And that is so hard when you have ADHD.

I think the NT's want us to show emotions with moderation, something I find really hard (I'm also ADHD), I really don't get how they do it. I use tricks like sitting on my hands to keep them still - it's draining for me to be in a place with other people too.

When I go for my walks, I know the NT expectation is, that when you meet other walkers is to nod, say hi, or something, but I'm there to get spoons, not loose them, so usually I just look straight down into the ground while walking until they have passed - I hope they can kind of guess by my hat, headphones, lanyard and sunglasses, that I don't do it to be rude, but because it is hard for me, even they probably will never understand what that hard means.

 

[Aspychata]

You can ignore people. It's safer.

 

[Misty Avich]

That's the one thing about walking in quiet areas - you feel more obliged to have to make eye contact with passing strangers and say hi. I get shy and find it hard to look at strangers, especially if I just get returned with a glare, it knocks back my confidence even more.
My mum used to get people saying hi to her even though she didn't always look at people or smile. I'd get envious, because it would be so nice to get people saying hi to you without you having to make any effort at all!
I remember one time I was at a bus stop with a friend. She was lighting a cigarette, and a man was coming along on the sidewalk, and my friend had her back to him but turned towards him because the wind wasn't allowed her to light her cigarette properly. She wasn't expecting to see him there, so wasn't smiling or looking willing to acknowledge anyone, but he still said hello to her as he passed, and she didn't know him (I asked her afterwards). I actually made myself make eye contact with the man before he said hello to her but he just ignored me. Made me feel so down, like I don't belong or that I'm repulsive or something.

 

[kriss72]

That's the one thing about walking in quiet areas - you feel more obliged to have to make eye contact with passing strangers and say hi. I get shy and find it hard to look at strangers, especially if I just get returned with a glare, it knocks back my confidence even more.

Exactly, it's more easy to ignore other people in a supermarket or a busy street than on a path in nature - I still prefer the random person i nature than being in a busy street thou

My mum used to get people saying hi to her even though she didn't always look at people or smile. I'd get envious, because it would be so nice to get people saying hi to you without you having to make any effort at all!

I'm not at that place yet, where I would like people to say hi to me - like I need to ignore them completely, if they said hi, I would have to relate to them, they will take a spot in my brain - it's not the right way of explaining it - it's like I need to limit what my brain has to process in order to became calm.

I remember one time I was at a bus stop with a friend. She was lighting a cigarette, and a man was coming along on the sidewalk, and my friend had her back to him but turned towards him because the wind wasn't allowed her to light her cigarette properly. She wasn't expecting to see him there, so wasn't smiling or looking willing to acknowledge anyone, but he still said hello to her as he passed, and she didn't know him (I asked her afterwards). I actually made myself make eye contact with the man before he said hello to her but he just ignored me. Made me feel so down, like I don't belong or that I'm repulsive or something.

I understand what you are saying here, I have had similar experiences, like having friends that can just say hi or talk to people.

 

[Rodafina]

Ah, this is where I always say that there's a strict hidden rule about being on your own in public, and that is that you must not show emotion.... Being an expressionless robot makes strangers a lot happier. Even when you're with someone you're supposed to keep it lowkey, only have 'socially acceptable' discussions, and express positive emotions only, but to a mild extent.

If this is indeed some hidden rule (although, I don't actually agree that it is) then it sounds like a perfect one to break.

We gotta be free folks, and I don't mean "we" as in autistic people. I mean "we" as in humans. Be free to be yourself, feel your feelings, and don't give a damn what others think. Why put so much thought into guessing at what others are thinking about you? It is most likely that they are not thinking about you at all. For those who feel that they don't fit in (or worry about this), re-frame this as FREEDOM! Freedom to be your unique and lovely self.

Self consciousness in public space is a set of chains that one chooses to put upon themselves. Be free, my friends. Happy dance your heart out.

 

[Rodafina]

 

[Misty Avich]

Self consciousness in public space is a set of chains that one chooses to put upon themselves. Be free, my friends. Happy dance your heart out.

It's not quite as easy as that. It's something called social/cognitive empathy where you're subconsciously orientated by what's socially acceptable and what isn't, and it's probably something most autistics lack but I don't.

 

[Rodafina]

It's not quite as easy as that. It's something called social/cognitive empathy where you're subconsciously orientated by what's socially acceptable and what isn't, and it's probably something most autistics lack but I don't.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Happy dance your heart out.

Thanks, but I'll set this one out. I don't mind what people think I am. I wear autism t-shirts in public. but what I do is a choice. I have no desire to look more clutsy than normal in public

 

[Rodafina]

Thanks, but I'll set this one out. I don't mind what people think I am. I wear autism t-shirts in public. but what I do is a choice. I have no desire to look more clutsy than normal in public

Hey, to each their own. Choices are important.

I am comfortable being the only one here who is dancing.

Solo acts don't scare me.