Desperate, Help Needed!

[dakota shabut]

Can someone shed some light or insight into this person! Here are some things that describe them:
has no empathy, cannot relate to what others are feeling at all
can not think from another's perspective
does not pick up on social cues on what is appropriate to say
blurts out offensive things
hard to regulate emotions, with large outbursts, regularly, at everyone
cannot articulate why hes feeling a certain way, or defend emotions
focused on emotions of self, rather than acknowledging others
stays mad for weeks or months
no tolerance for anything not his idea
Most arguments/him exploding are because of facts that contradict his own view
gets irrationally upset, if you disagree on what he is passionate about
forces his view onto everyone, everyone should like what he likes and think how he thinks
does not seem to realize things that would make others upset

struggles with imagination, art, creativity
struggles with abstract, needs visual cues
struggles to express self in writing or read books

great ability to focus and finish projects
has medicine for "ADD" - says he cannot function at work (office) without it (possible relation to lights and sounds?)
great with details and numbers
excels at math - electric / aerospace engineer
organized
very passionate about projects, learns all about a topic and completes it

This person is 26/27 and my brother. He has so little emotional development, I have started to think it is pathological. As far as Aspergers/Autism goes, he is social and extroverted, although doesn't get along with everyone fluidly. He has a very hard time relating to females. He has many acquaintances, but relationships can be volatile, especially when being around them for long periods of time. I have not noticed any thing about eye-contact, nor body language and he has no problem with loud music and lights and concert going. He is successful in his occupation and extremely arrogant.

I am in the medical profession and when I see things or behavior I don't understand, my instinct is to find the reason behind it. I cannot explain why a man in his late 20s acts in the ways described above, and neither can he. Can anyone shed some light into these traits or actions?

 

[SusanLR]

Narcissistic personality maybe?
Sounds like a possiblity.

 

[Oldlady]

Sociopath?

 

[Tom]

Really no idea. One for the shrinks to sort out. Or you can try and return him for a refund if you still have the receipt.

 

[Shamar]

The answer could be simple: the part of his brain that controls these things is crippled or missing. I have a similar situation, and it took me years to figure out. Think of it as a form of idiot savant, where one part of the brain is enhanced at the cost of another. The apparent social extroversion could be a mask; it was for me, and was always a failure.

 

[Stardust Parade]

We're not shrinks.

 

[Judge]

If the OP is looking for a concise and linear explanation for such traits and behaviors, there may not be any one single explanation. IMO there are simply too many contrasting traits and behaviors here to even speculate in terms of lumping them into a single condition, let alone any forms of autism.

Collectively we're an online community of primarily autistic people- not neurologists or psychiatrists.

 

[Fino]

Sounds like a personality disorder to me. Obviously, you suspect Autism, but if it's that, it seems to be something else, as well. He sounds miserable. He has never received help for all this?

 

[dakota shabut]

We're not shrinks.

I do not have any psychological training either, but I do have a mood disorder. Having had much therapy for it, I am able to identify signs and symptoms of the same, in others, not enough to diagnose but there are behaviors I can identify and relate to. I was hoping to present this to see if anyone could relate to his actions so that i can better understand him. The goal is just to mend a fracturing relationship.

 

[Stardust Parade]

I do not have any psychological training either, but I do have a mood disorder. Having had much therapy for it, I am able to identify signs and symptoms of the same, in others, not enough to diagnose but there are behaviors I can identify and relate to. I was hoping to present this to see if anyone could relate to his actions so that i can better understand him. The goal is just to mend a fracturing relationship.

Again, we are not psychiatrists. You may very well be familiar with certain signs or symptoms of a disorder, but nobody here or yourself are qualified to give answers that will answer your questions.

I am a nurse, and any time somebody asks me if I think I know what might be wrong with them, I tell them to visit their doctor. Your friend should see a real doctor instead of Dr. Google.

 

[dakota shabut]

Sounds like a personality disorder to me. Obviously, you suspect Autism, but if it's that, it seems to be something else, as well. He sounds miserable. He has never received help for all this?

no medical attention. He sees a friend of the family, a general practitioner, to score Adderal and will fly across the country to get refills or appointments and will not see anyone else.

It sounds to me like a disorder as well, but almost solely emotionally delayed and not cognitive.
As for other factors, the only thing I can think of is a traumatic divorce of parents, which i do not understand how that might effect autism or these behavioral traits.

 

[dakota shabut]

Again, we are not psychiatrists. You may very well be familiar with certain signs or symptoms of a disorder, but nobody here or yourself are qualified to give answers that will answer your questions.

I am a nurse, and any time somebody asks me if I think I know what might be wrong with them, I tell them to visit their doctor. Your friend should see a real doctor instead of Dr. Google.

I am a nurse as well, so I understand the position you are taking.
I am not looking for diagnosis or qualified medical opinions. My only question was if anyone could relate or shed light on these behaviors.
I will do my best to help understand those I care most about. Even if grasping at straws, maybe some small opinion or anecdote might help or be applicable to me, when a doctors opinion is not an option at this time. Thanks for the input.

 

[Stardust Parade]

I am a nurse as well, so I understand the position you are taking.
I am not looking for diagnosis or qualified medical opinions. My only question was if anyone could relate or shed light on these behaviors.
I will do my best to help understand those I care most about. Even if grasping at straws, maybe some small opinion or anecdote might help or be applicable to me, when a doctors opinion is not an option at this time. Thanks for the input.

To shed light on the questions you're asking requires a trained professional though.
Also I'm curious as to why he can't go see a doctor if he can fly across the country to get meds. That makes no sense.

 

[dakota shabut]

Also I'm curious as to why he can't go see a doctor if he can fly across the country to get meds. That makes no sense.

He refuses mental health evaluation or treatment from mental health professionals. This is why his psych meds are from an outpatient GP and family friend and not a Psych doctor. He will do anything, including flying across country to avoid them. Not seeking psych medical attention, and distrust in the mental health sector stems from a heavy, old school, parental influence that psychiatry is run by quacks and anyone seeking mental health consults have a heavy social stigma attached. Obviously, I do not agree with this perspective.

 

[Loren]

A few of the traits you've listed, made me think of Alexithymia. Here is a link to an Alexithymia website, and an Alexithymia questionnaire, should you find them of interest.


Forum: Questions and Answers

Alexithymie Questionnaire • Alexithymia

 

[SunnyDay16]

Some of it doesn't seem like Asperger's to me.

 

[Ylva]

If he has no empathy at all that is psychopathy, right?

Plenty of allistics have social issues, because social skills are learned and do not come naturally to them like they think.

Even if he has sensory processing disorder it doesn't have to mean he is hypersensitive in all his senses.

 

[Fino]

My only question was if anyone could relate or shed light on these behaviors.
I will do my best to help understand those I care most about. Even if grasping at straws, maybe some small opinion or anecdote might help or be applicable to me, when a doctors opinion is not an option at this time. Thanks for the input.

This is a different question than what was in the first post. This is much different!

And it makes no sense to respond to this "only a professional can answer," when you've specifically asked for opinions and anecdotes.

But I wonder, how do you know he can't think from another's perspective and doesn't pick up on social cues and what's appropriate to say if he has no empathy? I would imagine that in the absence of empathy, someone would just say and do what they want. Why not? And it wouldn't be inability to do otherwise or a misunderstanding. It would be because he felt like it. Is that not the case?

Could you elaborate on "blurts out offensive things," and "large outbursts, regularly, at everyone"? Is it with specific subjects? Are there triggers? What are they like? Are you utilizing hyperbole at all in your post or would you say your descriptions are all accurate as they are?

A lot of your description sounds like my brother. He has regular outbursts, is enraged by opposing ideas, is desperate to convince everyone of his ideas, self-medicates and refuses further treatment, has difficulty with creativity and expressing himself, seems unable to see from others' perspectives, is socially inappropriate then rationalizes it and is angered if disagreed with.

My brother is in his mid thirties, has no job, never leaves the house, and smokes weed every day while playing video-games.

You describe the person as successful though. So the problem you have is interpersonal. You want to have a better, less volatile relationship with him?

From the information given, I see two possibilities:
1. He's a selfish, arrogant jerk.
2. He has a personality disorder.

Either way, if it's change you're after, change is only possible when somebody wants it. He needs to see a psychiatrist/psychologist. If he's happy the way he is and doesn't care that it's hurting others, your option is to stay in a relationship with someone like that or cut all contact. If you're important to him, you could tell him you're severing ties until he gets help, or something along those lines.

His behavior is not highly unusual, and it's manageable assuming that's his goal.

And, as I understand it, a traumatic parental divorce can cause any number of psychological effects. We're mammals with an innate biological bond to our parents. A disruption in that relationship is a potentially severe problem.

Also, a GP shouldn't be prescribing Adderall. They should lose the ability to do so.

 

[dakota shabut]

But I wonder, how do you know he can't think from another's perspective and doesn't pick up on social cues and what's appropriate to say if he has no empathy? I would imagine that in the absence of empathy, someone would just say and do what they want. Why not? And it wouldn't be inability to do otherwise or a misunderstanding. It would be because he felt like it. Is that not the case?

That is a good question: is he merely doing whatever he wants, despite consequences or literally cannot empathize? My guess is the former, as he will frequently call me up to ask me advice on why he is so frustrated with someone. This happens all the time and is almost like he is asking for help relating. In these scenarios he cannot understand why his new girlfriend or a person at work is frustrating him so much, and each time, from my perspective, the conflict stems from him having a severe inability to place himself in someone else shoes or seeing things from their perspective. This is almost always a social problem I see a clear and obvious solution for. I have a hunch he is aware of his empathy problems and has spent hundreds on several "emotional intelligence seminars," that deal with "empathy" and were way out of state. He did this on his own time, on his own dollar, and has never done it before or gone to another seminar since.

Could you elaborate "blurts out offensive things," and "large outbursts, regularly, at everyone"? Is it with specific subjects? Are there triggers? What are they like? Are you utilizing hyperbole at all in your post or would you say your descriptions are all accurate as they are?

The blurting out of offensive things is as if he was surround my minorities like a muslim, an african american or a lesbian (things he is not), I would place money on there being some offensive comment made at some point from him not understanding their point of view. Same with someones inability to do math, struggles with money or anything that isn't him. The outbursts I refer to usually happen in phases: There is a tension building phase where he may voice his opinion on someone he does not understand to others, like how I described above (calling for advice), and despite any amount of advice, his emotions come to a head where he will confront the person in a very loud and critical way, about why he thinks they have a problem and should be doing what he thinks. The triggers and subjects of his outburst can be extremely trivial or generally tend to be, anyone doing something he cannot relate to. Which essentially means, anything that is different than him. He has a compulsion to speak out despite being asked, "can we agree to disagree," or "can we not talk about this, every time we do it gets everyone upset." But there is no filter and no self awareness to control his outbursts, which may suggest he does not care, but looking deeper might suggest an inability to stop it. After the outburst, when I attempt to talk about why he did that, he may be remorseful, but often times quietly shuts down and cannot process or communicate his emotions, almost as if he is in a state of confusion. He will do this to friends, family, parents, teachers, waitresses, literally anyone - I tried to be accurate in my original description, without hyperbole.[/QUOTE]

A lot of your description sounds like my brother. He has regular outbursts, is enraged by opposing ideas, is desperate to convince everyone of his ideas, self-medicates and refuses further treatment, has difficulty with creativity an expressing himself, seems unable to see from others' perspectives, is socially inappropriate then rationalizes it and is angered if disagreed with.

You describe the person as successful though. So the problem you have is interpersonal. You want to have a better, less volatile relationship with him?

The description of your brother sounds exactly like what I was looking for by coming here. Can you expand? Can you tell me how the two of you get along? Any strategies you have? Do you attribute his behavior to anything? How do you deal with someone who gets enraged by opposing views? This seems to be a big source of conflict. For example, as a healthcare worker I corrected him one time on the physiology of ketoacidosis, there was only talk of nutrients and macro-molecules. My education disagreed with a web article he read (scientific studies do frequently conflict with each other) and although there was not a single personal thing mentioned, he would not speak to me for over a month after. I'm not leaving out details either. This is frequent occurrence and leads to the "walking on eggshells" effect.

The occupational success my brother has is almost despite his social/emotional inability. He works almost all day, independently, in a cubicle, with math and numbers. And when he has to interact, send emails and resolve personal disputes, the **** hits the fan as well. Maybe interacting with as little people as possible might be an advantage to both of them.

From the information given, I see two possibilities:
1. He's a selfish, arrogant jerk.
2. He has a personality disorder.

The nurse in me secretly wants to believe he has a disorder. This means I can have sympathy for him and maybe find a blueprint on on how to have a better relationship. It is hard to have sympathy for an asshole. The thing I keep coming back to that makes me believe there is a disorder is the simple fact that a 27 year old should not have the level of emotional immaturity that he exemplifies, that effects him in such a negative way. To me it seems outside of normal, to the extent that something may be wrong.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

We're not shrinks.

We're normal size.