Depressed Aspie

[B00]

Hello all,

I joined because I want to know what I can do to fix my depression, or at least manage it. It keeps getting worse, and I am starting to feel quite overwhelmed with it. I've been able to function with my Aspergers for a lot of my life, managed to get an eduction, used to have a good job and run a company due to my obsession and skills in my chosen field, but the whole "fake" persona, and constant social requirements got more and more tiring and eventually I just couldn't do any of it. I still managed to keep going, but as of 2 years ago it became harder and harder to keep up "the act". I developed negative coping mechanisms, and they became part of my routines like smoking and drinking alcohol, not to the point that it harms my life usually to cope with the social demands, and to the point that I constantly question who I am and what I am doing. I was a very health obsessed individual and led a VERY healthy life full of routines for over 15 years.

I've been employing negative habits for about 2 years now, and a few months ago I just couldn't deal with any of the professional demands anymore. I am extremely overwhelmed, constantly feeling like I can't function in life like a "normal" person, and I'll never be able to feel better.

I'm severely depressed, a couple of major things happened I couldn't deal with. My dog died, he'd been with me for 10 years, my financial situation went from very comfortable to in debt, and I've never had debt before. I am not very social, so I don't have friends, or family I can talk to. I have completely let go of my work, and haven't been able to do any of it, my company suffered, I lost all my clients and it seems like too much work to get it back. I don't know how to work for someone else, haven't done it in years which is something I was thankful for but now I am just thinking, the stability from it sounds nice. I haven't been able to follow my usual health routines for over a year now and gained 60lbs, so not only do I feel awful about my life but also about myself now.

People often asked me what do I enjoy doing, and I just enjoyed working, but now since I can't do that right now, I'm at a loss for "enjoyable things".

I am getting more and more depressed, so I am wondering if there is a way to work on this for Aspies in particular because the normal methods just haven't worked. If anyone has any insight please let me know. I'm at a loss.

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[Sarah S]

Welkome to the forums

From what youre describing its time to see the docs ASAP as you do NEED professional help

Also if you want to talk (im also a SEVERELY broken soul so believe me i KNOW ) im only a Pm away. Youre NO longer alone in the world so DONT give up

 

[frink]

I can relate to a lot of this. I also have managed pretty well in life but went through a tough period a few years ago. Recently have done well but am now burning out. I wasn't diagnosed until last year though. I'm not sure what the answer is. Is there a path forward in your career field with much more limited social interactions? The routines and establishing positive momentum can be so helpful. A psychiatrist can most likely help you as well even if it is just some medication for the short term until you get things back on track and get the confidence back.

 

[B00]

Welkome to the forums

From what youre describing its time to see the docs ASAP as you do NEED professional help

Also if you want to talk (im also a SEVERELY broken soul so believe me i KNOW ) im only a Pm away. Youre NO longer alone in the world so DONT give up

Thank you Sarah,

I've seen tons of therapists, and even tried medication. They really never helped much, I've done a lot of different programs from anxiety, to CBT, to PTSD, to depression, general therapy etc... I never really felt this lack of motivation and depression before, and it seems since I settled into new negative habits that have become my normal over time, they are very difficult to get out of. I used to hate smokers, I've been doing it for a little over a year and have tried stopping many times but haven't succeeded yet. I'm not exposed to so many social situations so I've not been drinking so much anymore but I still want to and do it, I usually limit it to four 6oz glasses of red wine in a 24hour period, if I'm having major anxiety and want to get rid of the anxiety or if I want to cry and can't get my emotions to work I find the wine gets me to be able to be emotional. I tried medication but it usually just makes me tired and zombie like and I can't deal with the brain fog. I have tried different types for up to 3-6 months (to pass the trial or adjustment periods and try to settle in them), but they haven't worked.

I don't know if it's just my Aspergers being difficult, or all the sudden and uncontrolled changes I'm having trouble managing or coping with. I feel mostly the depression do's and don'ts help NTs, but I haven't found any that have helped me. It's really strange because I have tried. I even cleaned my entire house, and tried to start working out again, changed my diet, am working on giving up the smoking and losing the weight (which definitely helped make me feel worse), and relaxation techniques and baths, nothing has helped. It's like a perpetual state of I don't want to do anything, and don't feel good about the "future" or present.

It's quite bizarre because I had a difficult childhood and often managed well, and had drive and anger and ambition. Now, I'm completely different, I just don't feel like "myself". I did thing that maybe 2+ years or so of "pretending" for my work and being "normal" may have caused difficulty in my own perspective of who I am, so to speak, so I figured trying to be who I was before I did that would help, but it hasn't.

It's all very confusing, and I've often understood my Aspergers well and was able to function within it okay. I wouldn't say it wasn't a daily challenge, because it was, but I handled it okay with my routines and habits for the most part. I'm having a hard time getting them back or caring about it.

It's like the current me just is tired, and overwhelmed, and I just have zero motivation to care about it, or feel driven for some abstract intangible "future" better - if that makes any sense?

Not sure if any other Aspies have this feeing. I have considered that I am overthinking all of this, but it really has become a daily challenge and misery that I'm completely sick and tired of.

I never feel good about anything anymore, it just all feels bad or annoying, or the whole "what's the point thing."

 

[B00]

I can relate to a lot of this. I also have managed pretty well in life but went through a tough period a few years ago. Recently have done well but am now burning out. I wasn't diagnosed until last year though. I'm not sure what the answer is. Is there a path forward in your career field with much more limited social interactions? The routines and establishing positive momentum can be so helpful. A psychiatrist can most likely help you as well even if it is just some medication for the short term until you get things back on track and get the confidence back.

Thank you for the response.

Was there something you did during your tough period that helped you over come it?

I definitely understand the burning out part, I've gone through it a few times. Usually I just take a step back from demands and give myself a week to watch TV or play VideoGames if I feel like that, and it used to help. I'd disappear socially and then make some excuse about being "sick". Funny story, I used to give my doctor 20$ to write me a sick note for a week every time I felt overwhelmed and needed a week to rest. Usually about 1-2x a year. With working for myself I just made sure I didn't take clients or work for that time, and the "rest week" usually went by unnoticed. None of the business folk I work with have a clue I have Aspergers, so I've found ways to hide it my whole life.

I started in this business with a career focus that allowed for severe isolation and solitary development of projects, the last 3 years I've been stuck in the other portions of it when my work started to get noticed, which are highly social and they've done a number on me. I've been trying to switch back to the development portion and been trying to do some of the work last few weeks, I just feel I don't get into it like I did. Also, definitely don't make enough to get by on comfortably in the isolated category. (I'm being vague about my professional life because the work I do involves being in the public eye and my condition is not public knowledge).

Do you know any Asperger medication that helps this? Maybe it will be one I have not yet tried.

 

[Isadoorian]

Do you know any Asperger medication

There's no such thing; no "medications" or "cures" for ASD in any way, shape, nor form. It's purely neurological.

 

[B00]

There's no such thing; no "medications" or "cures" for ASD in any way, shape, nor form. It's purely neurological.

Hey,

I meant medication for dealing with depression/anxiety while having ASD.

 

[BrokenBoy]

Hey,

I meant medication for dealing with depression/anxiety while having ASD.

Zoloft works for me. Though it takes a while for it work properly. Just take it everyday til it works.

 

[Isadoorian]

Hey,

I meant medication for dealing with depression/anxiety while having ASD.

Then that'd just be your everyday Anti-Deps and Anxiety Meds. There's no specific Meds for people with ASD with the specific Co-morbids like Anxiety/Depression etc. etc.

 

[Fino]

Generally, depression is managed or treated, not necessarily "fixed," I don't believe.

 

[SusanLR]

I went through some trauma six years ago that has thrown me through different phases of emotions.
First it was survival and acting as I needed to in order to get through that time.
Hiding the anxiety and depression with no family or anyone close to talk with except my psychiatrist
led to PTSD symptoms which was hard on my health and I gained a lot of weight too.

Then there was a lot of adrenaline going with anger over everything and the person I had to live with
because I couldn't afford anything else on disability. He has some kind of personality disorder and likes to
scream and put you down. But, it kind of gave me the determination to push on.

Then around Thanksgiving of 2018 it just seemed I burned out and couldn't fight anymore.
I was tired. I just gave into the feeling of go with it and quite struggling. I thought it might be
an answer to go with the flow, but, it only led to fatigue and not caring about doing anything.
There were no feel good about anything emotions left.
Anti-depressants have never helped. Like many describe, I felt like a zombie.
I took every type when I had a break down back in the 80's.
Anti-anxiety med helped some. Enough I can function each day, but, still no ambitions.
I'm just continuing my CBT as it is someone to talk with.
I wish I had an answer for you and myself. But, right now I just force myself to engage in
some sort of work around the house and get outside in nature everyday.
Physical disabilities prevent me from being able to exercise like I once did, but, I do try to keep
up a healthy diet and add supplements. I meditate for relaxation.
But, I'm waiting on the feel goods to return.
Hope they do for all who are going through this. Sorry I can't offer any concrete advice.

 

[Sarah S]

="B00, post: 620212, member: 22461"]Thank you Sarah,

" Youre very welkome"

I've seen tons of therapists, and even tried medication. They really never helped much,

" Oh okey, yeah ive been dealing with those so called pros since i was 4 and same story (however back in my time they dident know diddly about this diagnosis whereas this days they do ) "

I've done a lot of different programs from anxiety, to CBT, to PTSD, to depression, general therapy etc...

" Okey "

I never really felt this lack of motivation and depression before, and it seems since I settled into new negative habits that have become my normal over time,

" To me it sounds like you have crashed in the famous brick wall (ive lost count on how man times i smashed in that wall during the years )"
they are very difficult to get out of. I used to hate smokers, I've been doing it for a little over a year and have tried stopping many times but haven't succeeded yet.

" Yeah its tough BUT it can be done "

I'm not exposed to so many social situations so I've not been drinking so much anymore but I still want to and do it, I usually limit it to four 6oz glasses of red wine in a 24hour period, if I'm having major anxiety and want to get rid of the anxiety or if I want to cry and can't get my emotions to work I find the wine gets me to be able to be emotional.

" Using either smoke /alcohol or even worse some cind of illegal drugs to try to self medicate this problems is NOT the right way and often it dont work ether & more then often it makes things worse then before im afraid "

I tried medication but it usually just makes me tired and zombie like and I can't deal with the brain fog. I have tried different types for up to 3-6 months (to pass the trial or adjustment periods and try to settle in them), but they haven't worked.

" Reg the so called " happy pills " Sadly there are the risk of some BAD side effects im afraid & sadly also in some they dont work (me i havent bin on ANY meds for any of my diagnosis my self and learnt to live with them and cope as best i can .whats alredy broken is so not mush more to fix in my opinion "

I don't know if it's just my Aspergers being difficult, or all the sudden and uncontrolled changes I'm having trouble managing or coping with.

" Id say it could be both and youre situation remind me of my own situation (around youre age actually) when i had no choice then to step down from the job and accept to go on disability. NOT saying you should . "

I feel mostly the depression do's and don'ts help NTs, but I haven't found any that have helped me.

" As i said sadly the meds dont always work for everyone and it takes a few trials and errors before hopefully some work same with different programs im afraid "

It's really strange because I have tried. I even cleaned my entire house, and tried to start working out again, changed my diet, am working on giving up the smoking and losing the weight (which definitely helped make me feel worse), and relaxation techniques and baths, nothing has helped. It's like a perpetual state of I don't want to do anything, and don't feel good about the "future" or present.

" You defenetly tried thats for shore. And this is why you really should contact the docs and let them know exactly how you feel. I would also be willing to guess you have some new diagnosis they havent yet found based on what you describing so a new evaluation would probably also be able to help. + youre recent loss and youre problems in life havent done things better either and add to that youre work load so id say all things combined have gotten you were youre at now "

It's quite bizarre because I had a difficult childhood and often managed well, and had drive and anger and ambition.

" Same here despite all ods i still managed to keep on fighting for my goals "

Now, I'm completely different, I just don't feel like "myself". I did thing that maybe 2+ years or so of "pretending" for my work and being "normal" may have caused difficulty in my own perspective of who I am, so to speak, so I figured trying to be who I was before I did that would help, but it hasn't.

" We all reach a point when we sadly have to acept defeat from our diagnosis "

It's all very confusing, and I've often understood my Aspergers well and was able to function within it okay. I wouldn't say it wasn't a daily challenge, because it was, but I handled it okay with my routines and habits for the most part. I'm having a hard time getting them back or caring about it.

" What you also have to keep in mind is that to said Asperger /ASD there are multiple co morbid diagnosis so it wouldn't surprise me if you have few more + like in my case the negative stress bombardment for all my life finally made my diagnosis regress to even worse then when i was younger "

It's like the current me just is tired, and overwhelmed, and I just have zero motivation to care about it, or feel driven for some abstract intangible "future" better - if that makes any sense?

" Perfectly you slammed in the brick wall and youre burnt out "

Not sure if any other Aspies have this feeing. I have considered that I am overthinking all of this, but it really has become a daily challenge and misery that I'm completely sick and tired of.

" Ive been fighting against all ods against all my diagnosis since i was born so NO you dont overthinking things and i understand youre tiered of it all same here "

I never feel good about anything anymore, it just all feels bad or annoying, or the whole "what's the point thing."

" Classic SEVERE depression signs (ONE of the many Co morbid side diagnosis to ASD ) "

 

[Pinkie B]

I feel for you. Your situation is miserable and I've had a similar experience. I quit my job for more than a year and just lived with my family and they gave me an allowance for watching my Granny who is now too old to be alone anymore. Eventually I went back to work and all the problems I had before are back like they never left. That's why I am trying to find a different job in an environment that works for me.

I also tried medication and Beta blockers helped with acute anxiety, but nothing else did much except cause a brain fog. Well, that's not true. One medication worked like a charm, but then my doctor took me off of it saying it was too much of a good thing. I don't think I'll ever understand that decision. Isn't medication supposed to work?

Anyway, since losing faith in doctors' ability to help me I've gone rogue and been experimenting with all kinds of natural alternatives. I've learned that

• Sunshine and or vitamin D is really important. I get SAD and generally down on cloudy/rainy days so I try to get a good dose in whenever I can.
• Vitamin B6 is really important. Just discovered this one the other day as it's a precurser for dopamine production which controls feeling energized and motivated and also jitters and ticks. My family actually has a history of deficiency so I know I have to watch out for this one.
• A nap and a cookie (and sometimes an orgasm). Most of the time when I get in a "funk" which is just like my depression, but inexplicable, sudden, and only lasts for a few days, I can get out of it by recognizing it, stopping whatever I'm trying to do and giving myself these three goodies. I'm usually brilliant when I wake up, though not always.
  
• Good quality sleep is priceless. When my sleep patterns are disturbed my hormone signals go haywire and I can't tell how I'm feeling about anything.

None of these are cures, of course, but I use them as a process of elimination. If I'm feeling depressed (as in like a clinical depression, but not for the 2-week minimum), I start by ruling out these potential causes. Sometimes it snaps me out of it. Sometimes I just have to wait for it to pass.

It does sound like you're burnt out, though. I used to be able to recover with a few days off, but as I said it eventually got to require an entire year. Sometimes the environment just eats away at you. Maybe you need a new one?

 

[frink]

Was there something you did during your tough period that helped you over come it?

For me it was getting an ADD diagnosis and starting taking medication for that. It has made a big difference with executive function. But I want to be careful to emphasize this was my diagnosis and much of my struggle was related to attention. For others in similar ruts, depression, anxiety, or something else are dominating symptoms and much different treatment is needed. For example ADD medication can make anxiety much worse for those who do have anxiety.

Do you know any Asperger medication that helps this? Maybe it will be one I have not yet tried.

I'm hesitating to answer this. I would speak with a psychiatrist who has some experience with people on the spectrum. I had trouble finding one but I just kept searching/calling until I found one close enough with availability. There are many medications that can help depending on your circumstances. While there is no cure for autism, there are a lot of treatments that help to varying extents with depression, anxiety (perhaps even social anxiety?), attention, and all sorts of things that people on and off the spectrum all can experience. Don't overlook the non-psychiatric possibilities as well. Thyroid function, sleep apnea, diet deficiencies, etc.

 

[frink]

Sorry, to add to my last post, I overlooked the part where you mentioned you already tried some for 3-6 months. I'd still pursue medication. There are a lot of different options and you might find a different one that works better. Many of these symptoms seem to be directly related to be deficits in things like dopamine or other neurotransmitters in the brain. There are quite a number of neurotransmitters and different medications target different pathways. It take some trial and error and clear communication with your prescribing doctor (daily logs with metrics help).

 

[Kevin L.]

I have high-functioning autism (formerly Asperger's Syndrome), and I can--intensely--relate to the depression thing, which I've struggled with my whole life.

First, it's very important to give up alcohol in all of it's forms (including any cold or cough syrup that has alcohol in it), even if you aren't an alcoholic.

Alcohol masks the symptoms of depression, and--over time--will worsen the depth and severity of your depression and make it last longer. Also, alcohol can chemically interfere with antidepressant meds if and/or when you decide to go on them.

Part of the reason why Aspies are prone to depression (at least in my case, as I'm not only an Aspie....but also a health-care professional) is because we don't get the social contact that every human needs.

It seems paradoxical that social contact (including physical contact.....and not necessarily intimacy, but I include that as well) should be difficult and painful, yet desired at the same time.

I explain it to non-autistic people by comparing it to the combination of recent dental work with a dietary craving.

Imagine that you have had a bunch of dental work done, and your mouth is miserable.....yet you can still be craving a thick, juicy, red steak at the same time, even though eating it would exacerbate your dental discomfort.

Getting a massage (by a professional, not from a sleazy "happy ending" massage parlor) will help, if you don't have sensory issues involving touch.

Sex-wise, seeing a therapist and--perhaps--utilizing the services of a sex surrogate (and a sex surrogate is not a prostitute) in a methodical, theraputic way to help explore strategies to give your psyche and body the social touch that it needs may go a long way toward alleviating your depression.

Lastly, try to get help if it worsens. Chronic depression has a high fatality rate when it comes to suicide, so get help right away if you need it.

There is an intense social stigma attached to suicide, but this is because people are judgmental about things that they don't understand. Depression is a biological illness just like cancer or influenza.

I spent much of my early years hiding my depression because my parents brought me up to believe that it's a character flaw, and that people are depressed because they want to be depressed because it gets them out of work and other responsibilities. I, therefore, was ashamed to ask for help....even though there were advanced medications out there (with few side effects) that can help.

I lost years of my life.

Don't make the same mistakes that I did.

 

[sybok]

Hi Boo,

I identify with almost every detail as you explained it. I hope things have improved. I would to love hear if they have.

I am 54 and seeking diagnosis for ASD. This is a seemingly impossible task.

Regardless, I identify with it all. In particular the "fake persona" thing.

I generally state my social issues as being a problem with me alone. However, if I am honest, that is incomplete. I also find most people's interests and opinions quite tedious to listen to or fain interest in. This stresses me a little because I feel like I am being fake with them. This is somewhat true. I am pretending. However, I am not being fake in any nasty way. I am trying to be polite.

It is not the other person's fault. It is not my fault. It is what it is. There interests usually do not align with mine.

Therefore, being on my own is often simply because I cannot stand pretending to people. I know people rarely share my interests. Does that make them bad people? Not really. In the same way, it does not make me a bad person, or even a deficient person. It just means we are different people.

Most of the pain around not being with other people all the time is primarily a reaction to social expectations. It is the feeling that if a person does not meet social 'norms', then they are somehow at fault or deficient. That is a caustic viewpoint that completely fails to appreciate the simple reality of diversity, in all of its meanings. Viewpoints such as this also fail to understand or see how diversity of thought, like bio-diversity, are actually central to a healthy social eco-system.

Any time one set of beliefs, or those holding those beliefs use them to batter those that hold other beliefs or 'norms', we are witnessing a dictatorship of thought. As with dictatorships in all their forms, these shut down growth and maturity.

I am currently deeply depressed. Very unhappy with my work life and home life. Bitterly disappointed in my family of origin and my own broken family today.

Mostly, I am frustrated. I am smart and capable, but seem to watch most other people float past me in careers, in relationships, in health, in financial security. While I feel like I am missing some crucial part of my brain. Because it is not intelligence that is the issue. It is something that just feels like it is not in me, something missing, as it is present in those around me.

I have tried all the SNRIs and SSRIs. I hate them all too. I'd rather die than live a life in which I have to medicate to dampen down my brain. My brain is all I got. It is fast and smooth in so many things, but utterly useless in so many others.

At 54 I am tired of it all. Nothing changes in me. Nothing changes in the world around me. It simply feels futile. And yet, I try too. Still seeing a psychologist and considering other forms of assistance too.

Be strong. The world is a cruel and confusing place. But I hope we can be stronger than it can be cold.

 

[Rasputin]

Thank you Sarah,

I've seen tons of therapists, and even tried medication. They really never helped much, I've done a lot of different programs from anxiety, to CBT, to PTSD, to depression, general therapy etc... I never really felt this lack of motivation and depression before, and it seems since I settled into new negative habits that have become my normal over time, they are very difficult to get out of. I used to hate smokers, I've been doing it for a little over a year and have tried stopping many times but haven't succeeded yet. I'm not exposed to so many social situations so I've not been drinking so much anymore but I still want to and do it, I usually limit it to four 6oz glasses of red wine in a 24hour period, if I'm having major anxiety and want to get rid of the anxiety or if I want to cry and can't get my emotions to work I find the wine gets me to be able to be emotional. I tried medication but it usually just makes me tired and zombie like and I can't deal with the brain fog. I have tried different types for up to 3-6 months (to pass the trial or adjustment periods and try to settle in them), but they haven't worked.

I don't know if it's just my Aspergers being difficult, or all the sudden and uncontrolled changes I'm having trouble managing or coping with. I feel mostly the depression do's and don'ts help NTs, but I haven't found any that have helped me. It's really strange because I have tried. I even cleaned my entire house, and tried to start working out again, changed my diet, am working on giving up the smoking and losing the weight (which definitely helped make me feel worse), and relaxation techniques and baths, nothing has helped. It's like a perpetual state of I don't want to do anything, and don't feel good about the "future" or present.

It's quite bizarre because I had a difficult childhood and often managed well, and had drive and anger and ambition. Now, I'm completely different, I just don't feel like "myself". I did thing that maybe 2+ years or so of "pretending" for my work and being "normal" may have caused difficulty in my own perspective of who I am, so to speak, so I figured trying to be who I was before I did that would help, but it hasn't.

It's all very confusing, and I've often understood my Aspergers well and was able to function within it okay. I wouldn't say it wasn't a daily challenge, because it was, but I handled it okay with my routines and habits for the most part. I'm having a hard time getting them back or caring about it.

It's like the current me just is tired, and overwhelmed, and I just have zero motivation to care about it, or feel driven for some abstract intangible "future" better - if that makes any sense?

Not sure if any other Aspies have this feeing. I have considered that I am overthinking all of this, but it really has become a daily challenge and misery that I'm completely sick and tired of.

I never feel good about anything anymore, it just all feels bad or annoying, or the whole "what's the point thing."

I agree with Sarah, but your primary care physician should consider other medical issues, as well. For example, I have had insomnia for some time and have been unable to sleep longer than 90 minutes without waking up. Men need testosterone to function properly, and it is produced naturally only after you achieve REM sleep. Because I could not sleep longer than 90 minutes I never achieved REM sleep. So I now take a low daily dose of 10% testosterone gel as well as an antidepressant to help with anxiety and depression. So really you need a doctor to treat you as a whole.

 

[Sarah S]

="B00, post: 620212, member: 22461"]Thank you Sarah,

I've seen tons of therapists, and even tried medication. They really never helped much, I've done a lot of different programs from anxiety, to CBT, to PTSD, to depression, general therapy etc...

" Yeah i have been seeing the so called pros since i was 4 and sadly like you it havent helped. sadly the meds (they have been trying to get me on them a long time and i refused due to the nasty side effects"

I never really felt this lack of motivation and depression before, and it seems since I settled into new negative habits that have become my normal over time, they are very difficult to get out of.

" i understand and youre very right once down there its very hard to climb upp again BUT it can be done TRUST me on this (im a living example that you can learn to live with pretty much any diagnose and learn to cope with it and adapt "

I used to hate smokers, I've been doing it for a little over a year and have tried stopping many times but haven't succeeded yet. I'm not exposed to so many social situations so I've not been drinking so much anymore but I still want to and do it, I usually limit it to four 6oz glasses of red wine in a 24hour period,

" Thats called self medication and i once had among trillion others with SEVERLY poor psycich health a young sweet girl so compleatly messed upp from anxiety...... She drank EVERY day 7 /days a week ALL day. Cheep RED wine same as her Schizophrenic among more diagnoses so belive me i understand .and needles to say they were full blooded alkoholists (say 23 + in age ) So you need to try to find another way of coping with this that DONT involve wine or drugs nor smokes "

if I'm having major anxiety and want to get rid of the anxiety or if I want to cry and can't get my emotions to work I find the wine gets me to be able to be emotional.

" The wine all it does is to make you REALAX and let go of youre inner restriktions ,the problem with this method is that as time goes you will find you need more and more to get the desired effect AND also after you will get it all back 1000 % So its not a solution to youre problems "

I tried medication but it usually just makes me tired and zombie like and I can't deal with the brain fog. I have tried different types for up to 3-6 months (to pass the trial or adjustment periods and try to settle in them), but they haven't worked.

" Did you talk to the docs on what they had to say ? it may take some time and many tries to find the right dose and brand of medicine tho. And youre right sadly many of this meds are filled with possible nasty side effects "

I don't know if it's just my Aspergers being difficult, or all the sudden and uncontrolled changes I'm having trouble managing or coping with.

" From what i experinced my self for SOME not all the diagnosis get worse as we get older 8this is the case in my case as ALL my flipping diagnosis have regressed to worse then when i was little (also in my case its being bombarded with 24/ 7 negative stress from having to struggle a never ending roller couster of problems and set backs in life) "

I feel mostly the depression do's and don'ts help NTs, but I haven't found any that have helped me.

" I understand i had to learn most of my life to find a way to cope and adapt to all my diagnosis and i agree its not easy BUT as i also said it CAN be done so DONT give upp "

It's really strange because I have tried. I even cleaned my entire house, and tried to start working out again, changed my diet, am working on giving up the smoking and losing the weight (which definitely helped make me feel worse), and relaxation techniques and baths, nothing has helped. It's like a perpetual state of I don't want to do anything, and don't feel good about the "future" or present.

" you defenetly have tried and thats good. "

It's quite bizarre because I had a difficult childhood and often managed well,

" My child hood was a living nightmare and i had problems since pre school and upp and unike you i dident managed well "


and had drive and anger and ambition. Now, I'm compleatly different, I just don't feel like "myself".

" This are all SERIOS red flaggs to me and i know you havent yet find the right one BUT you really need to see the docs again and possibly a evaluation again if possible (there are many Co morbid diagnosis to Asbergers and ASD ) "


I did thing that maybe 2+ years or so of "pretending" for my work and being "normal" may have caused difficulty in my own perspective of who I am, so to speak, so I figured trying to be who I was before I did that would help, but it hasn't.

" Pretending to be someone youre not will never work so you just be you and who you are "

It's all very confusing, and I've often understood my Aspergers well and was able to function within it okay. I wouldn't say it wasn't a daily challenge, because it was, but I handled it okay with my routines and habits for the most part. I'm having a hard time getting them back or caring about it.

" I understand ,and as i said before for some the diagnosis get worse with age sadly and then we HAVE to try to find a way to deal with it and if needed contact the docs again "

It's like the current me just is tired, and overwhelmed, and I just have zero motivation to care about it, or feel driven for some abstract intangible "future" better - if that makes any sense?

" It make perfect since. Youre probaly SEVERLY depressed (im also directly upgraded too Severly both on Depression /Anxiety disorder both are among the comorbid diagnos i mentioned ) and you NEED profetinal help TRUST me on this youre too far down to be able to get this sorted youre self "

Not sure if any other Aspies have this feeing. I have considered that I am overthinking all of this, but it really has become a daily challenge and misery that I'm completely sick and tired of.

" like i said Depression disorder is one of the multible co morbid diagnosis to Asbergers /ASD. and belive me i know the feeling and it has takend me MANY MANY MANY years of learning to climb upp from that deep dark black hole and each time i fall down i fall deeper and deeper "
I never feel good about anything anymore, it just all feels bad or annoying, or the whole "what's the point thing."

" Belive me i understand and thats the deprettion talking and messing with youre head

If you want to talk more privatly my Pm is wide open for you

DONT self medicate DONT think you can deal with this all alone cause you no longer can and above all GET profetinal help NOW please you can get help trust me on this but you need to keep trying until you find it "