Delayed verbal responses in conversational conflicts

[Gift2humanity]

Hi

I am not diagnosed but scored 168 on RAADS when assessed by the autism assessor.
My mum's information also suggested autism, she even took me to the GP at 9months because of poor eye contact etc.
Anyway, I wonder if any of you share this problem, and does anyone know the reason for it.
I often think of what to say in response to insults long after the moment has gone, a work colleague even commented on it.
I would just be in silence after someone snapped at me or insulted me, yet later that day, week, month, think of the perfect response.
Why the delay?
What causes it?
Thank you

 

[SDRSpark]

I have no idea but I think this is common and not exclusive to neurodivergency. I struggle with it as well.

 

[Aspychata]

It's a delayed response. Yes. I have been ruminating on a work incident last nite because l didn't think clearly about something, then the supervisor assumed something incorrect about me, then l morped into a mini piranha fish for about 40 mins trying to bite chunks of my thinking process out. But after sleeping, l woke up and saw my true stumbling block. So l hope today to go talk to such person and it may have no effect. Sometimes l think this person is on the spectrum.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I have no idea but I think this is common and not exclusive to neurodivergency. I struggle with it as well.

Sorry to hear that you struggle.

 

[Gift2humanity]

It's a delayed response. Yes. I have been ruminating on a work incident last nite because l didn't think clearly about something, then the supervisor assumed something incorrect about me, then l morped into a mini piranha fish for about 40 mins trying to bite chunks of my thinking process out. But after sleeping, l woke up and saw my true stumbling block. So l hope today to go talk to such person and it may have no effect. Sometimes l think this person is on the spectrum.

I hope it does have some effect.
Delayed responses make me feel vulnerable.
I am intelligent but people at work thought I was thick as I could not reposed to sexual comments.
Very occasionally I can come out with corkers that are so quick-witted they shut the person up but are not reliable.

 

[SDRSpark]

I hope it does have some effect.
Delayed responses make me feel vulnerable.
I am intelligent but people at work thought I was thick as I could not reposed to sexual comments.
Very occasionally I can come out with corkers that are so quick-witted they shut the person up but are not reliable.

It makes me feel stupid/vulnerable too. I'm quick witted when it comes to joking around, but not so much at other times. (Usually, when it's important. Or I get verbal diarrhea when I'm stressed and either divulge personal details, or say things I don't quite mean - I don't say things I don't mean, per se, but I use stronger language than is completely accurate.)

 

[Aspychata]

I have gotten better about not sharing under stress.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I have gotten better about not sharing under stress.

I struggled in work when a response was needed, for instance if someone had a dig at me, I needed to bounce back with a verbal come back but it very rarely came, when it did, it put them in their place.

 

[Matthias]

Hi

I am not diagnosed but scored 168 on RAADS when assessed by the autism assessor.
My mum's information also suggested autism, she even took me to the GP at 9months because of poor eye contact etc.
Anyway, I wonder if any of you share this problem, and does anyone know the reason for it.
I often think of what to say in response to insults long after the moment has gone, a work colleague even commented on it.
I would just be in silence after someone snapped at me or insulted me, yet later that day, week, month, think of the perfect response.
Why the delay?
What causes it?
Thank you

I had the same delay for as long as I can remember up until last year. It was because I was depressed. When my life long depression went away, the delayed response went away.

 

[Thinx]

Hi

I am not diagnosed but scored 168 on RAADS when assessed by the autism assessor.
My mum's information also suggested autism, she even took me to the GP at 9months because of poor eye contact etc.
Anyway, I wonder if any of you share this problem, and does anyone know the reason for it.
I often think of what to say in response to insults long after the moment has gone, a work colleague even commented on it.
I would just be in silence after someone snapped at me or insulted me, yet later that day, week, month, think of the perfect response.
Why the delay?
What causes it?
Thank you

This sounds like slow processing, I have this too. Im not depressed at all. Ask me what I think or feel today, and I ll know in a couple of days time! I think this is common in autism, it's not caused by depression in us, though a person who's depressed may be lethargic and slow to react.

Some recent research that was posted about on this site not long ago was discussing an issue in brain development that appears to differ in people with autism, which I think may relate to slow processing and be the cause of it, this will be further researched in the near future.

 

[Matthias]

People who repress their emotions may not realize they're depressed especially if they've been depressed since they were a toddler. Slow processing is a known symptom of depression.

 

[Alexej]

People who repress their emotions may not realize they're depressed especially if they've been depressed since they were a toddler. Slow processing is a known symptom of depression.

Surely that is an awful long time to be depressed?

Some of us in here are over 50 if not 60. I struggle to take this one in.

 

[Major Tom]

If you have some good friends, you could jibe each other as much as possible, good naturedly this is how I learned to come back at people that were either insulting or joking with me. It took years of practice and still when someone insults me I feel like choking them, but I fall back on the tricks I learned in my childhood through mid 20's and let them have it, while trying to be funny rather than offensive.

Anyways, this is a pretty common problem with people on the spectrum, but I am drawing a blank as to the word for it.

 

[Gift2humanity]

People who repress their emotions may not realize they're depressed especially if they've been depressed since they were a toddler. Slow processing is a known symptom of depression.

That is interesting, do you have a link.
I was a highly intuitive lucid dreaming toddler who self taught herself to read and could talk before 1yr old
I gave up reading as I allowed my emotional hypersensitivity to minor emotional abuse take over sadly.

 

[Gift2humanity]

This sounds like slow processing, I have this too. Im not depressed at all. Ask me what I think or feel today, and I ll know in a couple of days time! I think this is common in autism, it's not caused by depression in us, though a person who's depressed may be lethargic and slow to react.

Some recent research that was posted about on this site not long ago was discussing an issue in brain development that appears to differ in people with autism, which I think may relate to slow processing and be the cause of it, this will be further researched in the near future.

I wonder if autistic kids who read literary fiction can overcome this.
As above shows I gave up reading when I was 2 because I wanted my Dad to stop calling me baby.
I didnt realise he was calling me baby because he, himself had a very fragile ego and could not bear to see his youngest daughter shine.
Mum wanted me tested for giftedness but Dad said we couldn't afford it yet he smoked, drank heavily and gambled. I'm no longer blaming him, being bitter towards him has done me a lot of damage, he was violent and verbally sadistic with a monster rage.
It was literally painful to see his young little girl outshine him I think he may have been on the spectrum of Dark Triad Personality Disorders.

 

[Matthias]

That is interesting, do you have a link.

Yes. Depression and Slow Thinking (Reduced Processing Speed) | HealthyPlace

 

[Gift2humanity]

Because of the way I responded to what was back then, minor verbal abuse, calling me 'baby' I think I had chronic depression as a toddler.

 

[Matthias]

Because of the way I responded to what was back then, minor verbal abuse, calling me 'baby' I think I had chronic depression as a toddler.

Surely that is an awful long time to be depressed?

Some of us in here are over 50 if not 60. I struggle to take this one in.

I overcame my depression in one day after I learned what I wrote here: Misunderstandings

Dr. Burns, an expert in CBT, said in his book "feeling good" that several of his patients recovered from lifelong depression and anxiety in one day. He said those with more severe or longer lasting depression often recover the quickest. I think that's because depression is caused by distorted thinking and those who were depressed since they were a toddler have simpler thinking patterns that are easier to correct.

 

[SusanLR]

Sometimes I can come up with a "zinger" at the moment of verbal controversy, but, most of the time
I can't and just go silent only to find myself ruminating in my mind over the situation the rest of the day.
Then I replay it and have the perfect responses. Too late then.

 

[Progster]

Yes, I do have this problem, exactly as you described. I don't seem to process verbal information very fast, some kind of audio processing delay. I usually go sitlent, then play it over and over again in my mind. I think of a response, but long after the event.

Related to this is an inability to respond to banter, where someone makes a witty remark and you're supposed to return with another, equally remark. Well, I just can't, and this can be quite a big problem in the workplace, for example, where banter is the norm and you are expected to join in.