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Dealing with stress | Asperger | Advices

L

Laurachiliment

Active Member
#advicesneeded

I need your advices.

My husband is overwhelmed by social interractions, he never feels relaxed around others (only around me).
If he does not respect his schedule, he feels uncomfortable (Ex.: he eats at 7:00 pm; if he's late, he prefers to eat something on his way home rather than eat at 7:10 pm at home). He has a lot of routines, he has no friends, some hihgly-focused interests, he's oversensitive at being touched, he has some rigidity in thinking, and all this causes a lot stress.

He has no problem with understanding abstract concepts, jokes, sarcasm, etc.
He's very smart, funny, he has a good job, he is a very dedicate husband and dad, but o feel he is always stressed.

I am not interested into a diagnosis because is like putting a label i think, and that will stress him even more. In fact i see these things as personality treats, not as a "condition".

My only problem is the high level of stress that he experiences daily.

So, what are the solutions to reduce the stress levels (even if i know there is not a general sollution for everyone)? Does therapy help? I honestly think it would make it worse.

Lots of thanks!
 
Having been there done that, I can offer the following:

Most important, if he is not on an anti-depressant, he should see a doctor and request one. The doctor does not have to be a psych, a GP will do. That alone will accomplish a lot.

Arrive at work 15-20 minutes early to allow time to calm down between driving and beginning work. Plus it allows extra time if traffic is backed up for some reason. This time can be spent in the car, either in the parking lot or somewhere close by.

Hopefully his job allows working with a minimum of supervision. He can get his assignment(s) and work on them on his own.

If he gets an hour for lunch, he should take 15 minutes or so to eat and then spend the rest of the time on a solitary walk. Provides exercise in the sunshine as well as time for de-stressing.

If he eats lunch early, an afternoon snack would be worthwhile, say some peanut butter on crackers. Or, if he eats lunch late, a similar snack mid-morning. Keeping the blood sugar up helps too.

These items should help. If you have some specific questions, get back to me.
 
NeilM said:
Having been there done that, I can offer the following:

Most important, if he is not on an anti-depressant, he should see a doctor and request one. The doctor does not have to be a psych, a GP will do. That alone will accomplish a lot.

Arrive at work 15-20 minutes early to allow time to calm down between driving and beginning work. Plus it allows extra time if traffic is backed up for some reason. This time can be spent in the car, either in the parking lot or somewhere close by.

Hopefully his job allows working with a minimum of supervision. He can get his assignment(s) and work on them on his own.

If he gets an hour for lunch, he should take 15 minutes or so to eat and then spend the rest of the time on a solitary walk. Provides exercise in the sunshine as well as time for de-stressing.

If he eats lunch early, an afternoon snack would be worthwhile, say some peanut butter on crackers. Or, if he eats lunch late, a similar snack mid-morning. Keeping the blood sugar up helps too.

These items should help. If you have some specific questions, get back to me.
Click to expand...

thank you very much for the answer, your advices are very useful. I hope you're ok now. Can you tell me what is the name of the pills you took?
As for his meals, it's so complicated. for example, today he told me that for a month he only wants to eat a soup in the evening. but i am sure after 2-3 days he comes up with another plan, and again .. he does not manage to lose weight, on the contrary and all this situation makes him feel very stressed, frustrated. I don't know if it's related to Asperger...
Best to you!
 
The anti-depressant I take is amitriptyline, at least that is what it is called in the United States. (I don't know where you are.) I have taken it for over 20 years and it changed my life totally for the better. However, part of the reason it needs to be prescribed by a doctor is they will take everything into account (physical profile, other meds being taken, etc) and prescribe one accordingly. There are many out there, some better for a particular person, some less than.

I also meant to mention getting adequate sleep, both quality and quantity. The anti-depressant may help with that too. But getting enough of the right kind of sleep is important.
 
NeilM said:
The anti-depressant I take is amitriptyline, at least that is what it is called in the United States. (I don't know where you are.) I have taken it for over 20 years and it changed my life totally for the better. However, part of the reason it needs to be prescribed by a doctor is they will take everything into account (physical profile, other meds being taken, etc) and prescribe one accordingly. There are many out there, some better for a particular person, some less than.

I also meant to mention getting adequate sleep, both quality and quantity. The anti-depressant may help with that too. But getting enough of the right kind of sleep is important.
Click to expand...
He never gets enough sleep :/. Thanks a lot again, i'll tell him about the pills and try to convince him to go to a doctor, but i dont don't think he wants.:(
All the best!
 
How about him spending some time each day doing something different?
The different thing I am thinking of is nothing.

Yes - spending time doing nothing helps us still down and relax.
I know it is kind of mind twisting to call doing nothing something, but being still is something important for all of us; something we do not do enough of. I know I divert myself by doing something all too often, and do not spend enough time doing nothing
 
Alexej said:
How about him spending some time each day doing something different?
The different thing I am thinking of is nothing.

Yes - spending time doing nothing helps us still down and relax.
I know it is kind of mind twisting to call doing nothing something, but being still is something important for all of us; something we do not do enough of. I know I divert myself by doing something all too often, and do not spend enough time doing nothing
Click to expand...
Heey!
Most of the time it is not possible, especially since we have a baby ... I will think about that, I think it would be good to take the child out while he "can do nothing" thank you for this idea :) best wishes to you!
 
Laurachiliment,
What caused me to go to the doctor over 20 years ago was because I was sleeping so little and that is why he prescribed the anti-depressant. After taking it (an hour or so before bedtime) for just a week I was a new person. I had not felt that good since I was a kid. Maybe you can use the quest for more sleep to convince him to see the doctor. Sleep, of the lack of it, impacts most all areas of ones life, and I can say that from experience.
 
NeilM said:
Laurachiliment,
What caused me to go to the doctor over 20 years ago was because I was sleeping so little and that is why he prescribed the anti-depressant. After taking it (an hour or so before bedtime) for just a week I was a new person. I had not felt that good since I was a kid. Maybe you can use the quest for more sleep to convince him to see the doctor. Sleep, of the lack of it, impacts most all areas of ones life, and I can say that from experience.
Click to expand...
❤❤❤❤❤❤ i'll do this, thanx a loooot, i am so excited
 
Hi,
I'm really sorry you and your husband are having to deal with so much stress at the moment. Stress can have a lot of negative effects on you so best to try and get de-stressed asap. The good news is that there are ways to reduce stress! Taking your mind off of things is a good way, so say watching television or a movie. It might be an idea to try colouring as well. You can buy colouring books for adults and this is used a lot in therapy and helps to ease stress and anxiety.
My personal favourite way of easing stresses is by exercising. When you exercise it releases a chemicals in the brain which help to soothe you and calm you down, acting like a drug if you like, which takes away your stress. Walking, jogging, push ups... all these will help so definitely worth considering them.

I hope this helps and that your husband will be less stressed soon :) .
 
I think the sleep suggestion is super important. Also- l arrived at work early because l needed to destress alot from that job. Then exercise- and if he is working 40 hour week- he needs a quiet room for a 1/2 hour to just come down from work so he can be a better husband for you. So a room that you just tell him to chill or something or a gym close by he could stop at a couple times a week will save him from burnout. Also make sure you get a break too- mommy work is busy work and moms need a break also.
 
Destiny said:
Hi,
I'm really sorry you and your husband are having to deal with so much stress at the moment. Stress can have a lot of negative effects on you so best to try and get de-stressed asap. The good news is that there are ways to reduce stress! Taking your mind off of things is a good way, so say watching television or a movie. It might be an idea to try colouring as well. You can buy colouring books for adults and this is used a lot in therapy and helps to ease stress and anxiety.
My personal favourite way of easing stresses is by exercising. When you exercise it releases a chemicals in the brain which help to soothe you and calm you down, acting like a drug if you like, which takes away your stress. Walking, jogging, push ups... all these will help so definitely worth considering them.

I hope this helps and that your husband will be less stressed soon :) .
Click to expand...

i have just bought a colouring book :D thank you!!^^
 
Aspychata said:
I think the sleep suggestion is super important. Also- l arrived at work early because l needed to destress alot from that job. Then exercise- and if he is working 40 hour week- he needs a quiet room for a 1/2 hour to just come down from work so he can be a better husband for you. So a room that you just tell him to chill or something or a gym close by he could stop at a couple times a week will save him from burnout. Also make sure you get a break too- mommy work is busy work and moms need a break also.
Click to expand...
in a few months we will move to a bigger apartment and it will be easier to do this.
yes, mommy work is busy work:/, but lovely especially because our kid is good and quiet.:D
thank you and all the best! :)
 
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