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Dating, Autism and Social Media! So confused...

becca505

New Member
Sorry but this will be kind of long. My story...I have bipolar with occasional delusions, stress, severe anxiety and ptsd. My father is an aspie! Im not sure if I am one. Just started therapy and meds recently. I am dating a man that is full on autistic. He actually needs to live with his parents. He is also bipolar along with severe anxiety and panic attacks. He has been married before and has children. Our relationship has been rocky. In the beginning he stood me up several times. At first I was very upset that he stood me up. He then told me of his anxiety and panic issues. I gave him another chance...he stood me up again. This went on a few times. This was over the course of a month or more. He always contacted me a few days to a week later each time and apologized. We have been talking for months. I really like him so I kept giving him chances. So we began dating eventually and he started to actually show up for the dates. I started noticing his obsession with facebook and instagram. From the time we started dating til about weeks into it he had added over 1000 new women to his facebook. He was liking dozens of pictures of women on instagram as well. I have been seriously burned by exes in the past that had this same behavior on social media. This terrifies me. There was one woman in particular that he went to school with..well he liked every single one of her photos. I asked him if something was going on and he said no. He seems obsessed with her. So I asked her what was up because she was liking every single one of his photos and commenting as well. he said nothing had ever happened. I asked her to kindly back off. That seemed to only encourage her to go after him. She lives in another state AND is married. This is literally the only thing we fought about. I have friends that are therapists and they have told me its because he doesnt get it. Ive explained how worrisome this is for me but it wont stop him. He insisted that I get rid of every guy friend off my social media. I did so because I want to be with him. So I told him it was her or me. I didn't ask him to get rid of all the other girls that he was kind of obsessing over on social media. I figured since I did as he asked that he could at least stop communication with this one woman. He flat out refused. He says he isn't doing anything wrong. Fast forward to a few weeks ago....his childhood friend died. He was there with him when it happened. He didn't tell me until the next day. He was acting if everything was fine then all of a sudden calls me crying saying the guy had died. I offered to travel back to his home state to attend the funeral with him but he said no. He kind of went off the deep end. I understand that he has serious issues so I was trying to cut him as much slack as possible. The woman was talking to him on his posts and just really really laying it on thick to him. He was really taking his anger out on me. After so long I was like ok this is enough Do NOT ever speak to me like that again. We didn't speak for a few days. He then sends me a video a few days later very angrily telling me to never contact him or anyone in his family ever again. He was with that woman now and was on his way to see her. I was completely distraught! I contacted his dad and asked what on earth was going on. His dad told me how much of a trouble maker I was and to never contact any of them ever again. It was thru text...almost word for word that my boyfriend said to me. To this day I don't know if it was my boyfriend or his dad that said that to me. Either way I haven't heard from the family at all. I did absolutely nothing except to tell him how hurtful it was for him to be obsessing over that woman. I mean he has actually liked more of her photos in one day than he has liked of mine ever. Its ok that he doesn't like my photos but I will admit it really burns that he likes so many of hers in a days time. She posts a lot....I mean she really tries to bait him in and it works. She has confirmed this but he doesn't believe me about her. So we have spoken twice since all of this has happened. Hes begging me to forgive him. He said he lied he wasnt with her or went to see her... and can we see each other. The first time I was like ok we can talk about it. Reason being she lives a few states over and I knew for a fact that they werent around each other. He asked me to meet him that night. I agreed. The second I got off the the phone with him he went straight in and liked her photo. I felt like I was sucker punched! I told him off and to never contact me again. I mean talk about adding salt to the wound. The thing is I really really care about him. Another week went by and the same thing....he begged me to forgive him and can we meet up and talk about it. So me being a sucker said sure. I kid you not the second I got off the phone with him he went straight back to her account and liked her photos yet again. I sent him a message begging him to explain why he keeps doing this to me. He knows I have serious issues. He knows how badly ive been burned in past realtionships. I am suicidal at times. I asked him if he was just trying to be emotionally abusive to me. He didn't respond. Another week goes by. He calls me a few nights ago. Says hi pease dont hang up. I didn't. I said hello. He was very nervous sounding. Sounded like his nerves were shot. Asked me how I was. Normal chit chat. Call lasted about a minute. He said he had a really really bad day. He was off to shower and he would call me when he gets done if thats ok. I said fine. I have not heard a word from him. I have seen him on IG liking photos....not like he normally does or no where near as often as he was. And yes he finally went in and liked one more of that tramps photos. I want to just walk away but when hes not on social media our relationship is really good.

So heres my question....hi with autism and other issues...does he really just NOT understand what hes doing to me?!? Im so confused! Like I said earlier my dad is an aspie. I have other children in my family that are autistic but not extreme like he is. Please if you have any insight to dating with autism....I would love to hear your thoughts.

What else can I expect? I mean he has a horrible time talking to people bc of anxiety and panic attacks in person. And his dad finally told me a few weeks back that he is in fact a compulsive liar. The social media thing and following and friending so many women...is this normal for extreme autism??? Sorry this was so long. Thanks for your time.
 
Autism might cause me to miss a hint or two, but it doesn't prevent me from listening to people when they tell me my behavior hurts them, and it doesn't make me a hypocrite.
I'm sorry, but your boyfriend sounds like a dick, your relationship sounds unhealthy, and in my opinion you'd best steer clear of each other and move on.
 
I agree with the post above he does sound like a dick
The fact he made you delete all the guys off social media sound controlling to me

It's not always autism causeing the issues like he is showing
Maybe at first he didn't understand before you explained to him what it was doing to you, but I'm sure afterwards he should understand

His own dad calling him a compulsive lier would make me run as far away as possible

An him following loads of women on social media isn't and autism symptom

Honestly I'd steer clear of him, he is just going to make your mental health a lot worse
He doesn't deserve you in his life, I know it's hard to let go when loving someone but it's seriously not worth when a guy is treating you like that
 
Just because one has autism or aspergers, does not give them the right to be stupid and unkind.

In truth, having two people who have severe issues that they have to contend with, is a bad mix.
 
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I agree I need to be done with him. I was hoping he would change but after this long its apparent he will not. In my gut I knew it probably wasn't autism causing such behavior. He is in the middle of a huge melt down. I want to help him but I don't want to risk having any setbacks myself. Thank you all so much for your input.
 
Yes he did tell me a while back. I’m not sure how long they last. He’s had several since I’ve known him. He is extremely autistic but not sure that would excuse his social media behavior. His issues are so bad that it prevents him from working any more. He is drinking a lot to cope with his anxiety. He is literally like Raj on Big Bang Theory. He is very good looking and has been a rounder his whole life. He wants to settle down....so he says. He doesn’t even know the majority of all these women! He does have a lot that add him first BUT he adds the majority. He says they come across as friend suggestions. Ironically, almost all of them that he adds looks like me. It’s very weird! I’ve checked just about every dating website out there to see if that’s how he’s finding them but I can’t find him on anything.
 
I don't want to sound mean or anything but the meltdowns don't excuse his social media behavior
He may be mentioning about his meltdowns to you so you feel sorry for him

Its not fair he does that to you, during meltdown I want to avoid nearly everyone except for my friend Ryan cause he tries to support me if he is unable to he tries to put a smile on my face instead

Since you mention you have bipolar I say think of your mental health and don't fall victim to his meltdowns since he will most likely continue to upset you with his social media shenanigans
 

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