Dating a girl with Aspergers

[drama4money]

Umm yeah so Ive been dating her for about 8 months now and at the beginning everything was cool. I liked her personality because she was different than other girls, smarter, funny in a childlike way, shes also really pretty. Anyway, over time, I grew to love her. Some things bothered me though. She would call me a lot, so much so that we would run out of things to talk about sometimes. She also didnt understand when I was trying to be funny. She would interpret some of the things I said as offensive or she wouldnt react to them at all. I was like, "wahhhh?" 'cause normally people laugh at the dumb stuff I say. I found myself explaining myself to her a lot for this reason. Still, most of tbr time she wouldnt understand and it frustrated me. Anyway, I did research on Aspergers syndrome and it helped me a bit, but damn... its still so frustrating. Let me tell you why. This girl acts like a little girl when she doesnt get what she wants. Petty stuff throws her into fits and Im like, "here we go again...". I find myself constantly apologizing when I dont even do anything. I tell her, "look girl, I love you, but you need to stop being a dramaqueen because it stresses me out." We make up and then the next day the same thing happens. She tells me she wants to stop being that way and Im like, "cool, dont worry, its okay, I can help you, I can teach you how to control your emotions so it doesnt cause us problems and I can help you better understand my point of view too. Just be patient and trust me." She says yes and we forgive each other. Anyway, should I leave her? Because its really depressing me and draining me emotionally. She constantly criticizes me for dumb stuff to the point where my head hurts. Dont get me wrong though, I love the girl, but I just wanna have a more peaceful and loving relationship. I dont want to feel like Im walking on eggshells with her 24/7. Any advice? Thanks! Oh yeah shes only 19 and I just turned 29 so Im sure thats part of the problem too. What do you guys think? Will she grow out of it?

 

[Judge]

Just wondering. Did this person tell you she had or suspected she was autistic?

Bear in mind people can have negative personality traits independent of their neurology. Maybe you and her are simply not a good match. Especially if there's such a gap in maturity between the two of you.

One thing for sure though. No one "grows out" of being autistic.

 

[drama4money]

Yeah, she told me she has aspergers and I was cool with it. The thing is I know she loves me and I love her too, but she doesnt know how to act right sometimes... a lot of times. She insults me, hurts my feelings, she even punched me one time, in the face. It hurt lol. But shes been through a lot so I have a lot of compassion and patience with her. If it was any other girl I would of left long ago, believe me. I just want her to stop blowing up at me so much, for petty crap. Also, she doesnt trust me, probably because what she went through, but still... its so frustrating. Sigh...

 

[Judge]

Yeah, she told me she has aspergers and I was cool with it. The thing is I know she loves me and I love her too, but she doesnt know how to act right sometimes... a lot of times. She insults me, hurts my feelings, she even punched me one time, in the face. It hurt lol. But shes been through a lot so I have a lot of compassion and patience with her. If it was any other girl I would of left long ago. I just want her to stop blowing up at me so much, for petty crap. Sigh...

Sounds like the maturity gap is too much for the both of you. But if she's on the spectrum of autism, it's unpredictable as to what traits and behaviors she may eventually improve upon. It's an inherently complex process just for us to deal with ourselves relative to a Neurotypical world.

Age in years isn't so much an obstacle, but her at 19 and you and 29 could be an issue in itself. You're mentally in a place she's not....autistic or otherwise IMO.

 

[drama4money]

Sounds like the maturity gap is too much for the both of you. But if she's on the spectrum of autism, it's unpredictable as to what traits and behaviors she may eventually improve upon. It's an inherently complex process just for us to deal with ourselves relative to a Neurotypical world.

Age in years isn't so much an obstacle, but her at 19 and you and 29 could be an issue in itself. You're mentally in a place she's not....autistic or otherwise IMO.

Yeah, I think you may be right. Sucks :/

 

[Suzanne]

If think for your own sanity, you need to walk away, but only if you cannot deal with the situation. I say this, because I met my husband when I was 21; a very immature 21 and he was 29. All that was acknowledged, was my horrendous past. But neither of us knew I had aspergers either and my husband even today, finds me exasperating.

However, you are better in the respect that you researched it, when she told you. Whereas my husband refuses too.

What you could try doing, is to come out with stratagem etc. For example, when there is more than one person in the room, I do not acknowledge my husband. I am struggling to try and share my gaze, which is so stress making, that I am blind to others. This offends my husband and especially as I do not react well, when he puts his hand on my shoulder. So, he is going to try and walk in front oh my vision and smile and say hi darling and it may work.

I do not know how to regulate my volume and have anger issues, but would never be violent.

Why not discuss ideas together? If they don't work, then it is time to say goodbye.