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Dad Jokes
- Thread starter NDR2
- Start date
Q: Why do hummingbirds hum...?
A: Because they don't know the words...!
Two babies, born on the same day, were lying next to each other in the hospital nursery, just silently looking at each other. Eventually, their families took them home.
85 years later, two old men were together in a hospital room, both on their death beds, silently looking at each other. One of them finally speaks.
85 years later, two old men were together in a hospital room, both on their death beds, silently looking at each other. One of them finally speaks.
"Well, what'd you think?"
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My grandfather used to make us cousins stand silently side-by-side, looking straight ahead for several minutes at a time.
He said it was elevator practice.
My father brought home a very large, complicated German radio, and spent many minutes examining it all over, and finding some technical labels in German. Finally, he came to a little screw connection marked "PU."
"What's a PU" he asked my sister.
Eschewing the obvious, she told the only joke of her life. "Two-thirds" she replied "of a pun."
"What's a PU" he asked my sister.
Eschewing the obvious, she told the only joke of her life. "Two-thirds" she replied "of a pun."
GrownupGirl
Tempermental Artist
Little Johnny was kept in during recess for saying a bad word in class.
"Johnny, where did you learn that word?" The teacher asked him.
"From my dad." Johnny said sheepishly.
"And do you even know what it means?"
"It means his car won't start!"
"Johnny, where did you learn that word?" The teacher asked him.
"From my dad." Johnny said sheepishly.
"And do you even know what it means?"
"It means his car won't start!"
The neighbour stuck his head over the fence to see what the noise was, and Little Johnny was digging a hole in the garden. "What are you up there, Johnny?"
Little Johnny looked up with tears running down his cheeks and said "My pet budgie died, I have to bury it.". The neighbour said "I'm sorry to hear that Johnny, but that's a mighty big hole for a little budgie isn't it?"
Johnny sniffed back his tears and said "Yeh, that's because it's still inside your cat.".
Little Johnny looked up with tears running down his cheeks and said "My pet budgie died, I have to bury it.". The neighbour said "I'm sorry to hear that Johnny, but that's a mighty big hole for a little budgie isn't it?"
Johnny sniffed back his tears and said "Yeh, that's because it's still inside your cat.".
I will definitely be stealing most of these.
Some of the worst, and silliest jokes I've collected from my partner, friends, family, and others lately. They are absolutely terrible, and a lot of them are bordering on anti-jokes, but they made me chuckle. Enjoy!
What do you get when you go swimming in Iceland?
Hypothermia
What sounds like a firetruck, but is not a firetruck?
An ambulance
What do you get when you talk to a houseplant and it talks back?
You get help.
What did Old McDonald say when he stepped on a pitchfork?
E-I-E-I Ouch!
What do you call a cross between a cat and a banana?
Nothing, that's scientifically impossible.
What do you call a promiscuous whale?
Moby Dick
Knock knock
Who's there?
Ah
Ah Who?
Cover your mouth when you sneeze, that's disgusting!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Trick or treat!
Go home, you're half a year early
---
And a gem from my hockey coach:
What do you call a smart hockey player?
Someone who is in the wrong profession
What do you get when you go swimming in Iceland?
Hypothermia
What sounds like a firetruck, but is not a firetruck?
An ambulance
What do you get when you talk to a houseplant and it talks back?
You get help.
What did Old McDonald say when he stepped on a pitchfork?
E-I-E-I Ouch!
What do you call a cross between a cat and a banana?
Nothing, that's scientifically impossible.
What do you call a promiscuous whale?
Moby Dick
Knock knock
Who's there?
Ah
Ah Who?
Cover your mouth when you sneeze, that's disgusting!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Trick or treat!
Go home, you're half a year early
---
And a gem from my hockey coach:
What do you call a smart hockey player?
Someone who is in the wrong profession
Azeth
☆Calm in the Chaotic Mindscape♡
Gotta admit. These qualify as facepalm worthy Dad Jokes. Though two of them did get a chuckle out of me.
Okay, that one genuinely did make me laugh out loud...
Lol, yeah. The hockey player one made me laugh pretty hard too.
My partner is the king of dad jokes. His jokes are the worst but I always laugh because they're admittedly a little clever.
Trophonius
Well-Known Member
What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
What's the evidence that diarrhea is hereditary?
What do you call a fake turd?
If you think mondays are depressing, just wait 5 days
How biologists call fishes with no eye?
Why a piece of toast was caged in a zoo?
What's the fastest liquid?
How do you confuse a blonde?
A shoe.
What's the evidence that diarrhea is hereditary?
It goes through your jeans.
What do you call a fake turd?
A shampoo.
If you think mondays are depressing, just wait 5 days
It will be a sadder day
How biologists call fishes with no eye?
Fshes.
Why a piece of toast was caged in a zoo?
Because it was bread on captivity.
What's the fastest liquid?
Milk. It's pasteurized before you know it.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
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