Dad Jokes

[GrownupGirl]

Mom: How was your first day of school?
Kid: Awful. The teacher told me, "Sit here for the present", but she didn't give me anything!

 

[mr prosser]

Why did the Invisible Man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it.

 

[Dagan]

Them: "Does a bear poop in the woods?"

Me: "Well...not according to all those Charmin commercials."

 

[Jumpinbare]

Nieces and nephews are great because you get to give them back again.

As with grandkids.

 

[AuAL]

Do you keep your lawn on a need to mow basis?

 

[NDR2]

There was a break-in at the wig factory. Police are combing the area.

 

[Crossbreed]

...Police are combing the area.

That is a small price toupee...!

 

[NDR2]

Why couldn’t the tree get on his computer?

Spoiler

Because he couldn’t log on.

 

[Crossbreed]

Did you hear about the man who ran over himself...!?

Spoiler

Nobody would go to the store for him, so he ran over himself!

My wife wants me to gouge her eyes out!
But I do not have time right now...

Spoiler

Her potatoes will have to wait.