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Dad Jokes

What should you do if you see a blue monster?
Cheer him up!

What should you do if you see a green monster?
Let it ripen!
 
Why didn't the skeleton go to the Halloween party?

Because he had no body to go out with.

Swipe Glow GIF by jjjjjohn
 
I once went to the bookstore to find a book about Pavlov's Dog and Schrodinger's Cat. The clerk said it rang a bell, but she was not sure if it was there or not.
 
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender replies "No! This is a bar! There's no grapes, get out of here!"
An hour later the duck comes back and asks "Got any grapes?" The bartender replies "I told you there's no grapes, get out of here!"
An hour later, the duck returns again and asks "Got any grapes?" The bartender says, "If you ask me that again, I will nail your beak to the floor! Get out of here!"
Another hour passes, and the duck returns again and asks "Got any nails?" The bartender screams "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? THIS IS A BAR! OF COURSE I DON'T HAVE NAILS!" The duck replies "Got any grapes?"
 
What did the cheddar say when he tried on a blazer?
“I look sharp!”
 
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