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Cutting off friends

Hi Spinning Compass

That's the story of my life. Either they cut me off for breaking some rule I wasn't ever aware of (because of their inability to communicate) or they cut off all social contact because I stop doing/giving them what they want for free. You're right, this is life with Aspergers.

I read your blog post about 'by God stubborn', and that's the most ridiculous cop-out of an excuse I've ever heard of. In all my years in the 'Bible belt' (where they carry it & thump it, but never read it) I've never heard of anyone being offended by something so mild. And, as you mentioned in your blog, if it was really such an offensive phrase they would've objected much earlier. The compromise you offered ... to have them not say the words and look offended ... was intelligent, fair, creative, and admirable. If they were being honest about their reasons, I can't see how they could refuse that. Clearly they had other reasons that they didn't have the courage to admit to. And the people you're describing ... they may claim to be followers of God, but they don't want you to follow God, they want you to follow them. Have them as your Higher Power. Problem is, religion/spirituality doesn't work like multi-level marketing, you can't work up the heirarchy by recruiting more people. Because I was Catholic, they seemed to think I was worth double-points ... so while they couldn't bring themselves to be my friends, they all fought over whose 'church' I would attend/join.

Ignore them. You deserve better than that. We're here for you and we love you as you are.

Kassie
 
I think you will like my blog post "Both Sides of the Freeway." I grew up Catholic too and know all about the double points! Now that I am Unitarian people don't know how to take it. On one hand, Unitarianism is part of the Protestant heritage so for those who don't know it is just another Protestant denomination (albeit liberal) but for those who do know---well, I suppose it's triple points now! Or maybe not--the First Letter of John is pretty clear about what kind of people people like myself are and how Christians are supposed to act towards them. Oh, yes, John doesn't mince words. But since they are sprinkled here and there among the nice love one another phrases most people don't notice them. I didn't, until recently. I tried to get a discussion going with some of my Christian friends about what John says and got nowhere. But then I thought, screw it. It doesn't matter what anyone in the Bible says; if you want to base your opinion of my character on what John says and not on your own experience, then that's too bad for you.

See, life has some interesting curves. I used to know exactly what to think about LBGT (or whatever order the letters are, I can never remember) people. I could quote you chapter and verse. But nothing in my religious environment (either Catholic or Protestant) prepared me for the day one of "those people" became my boss! I guess the fact that I didn't quit on the spot shows where my values really lay. I'll give you a clue--I tend to listen to and take more seriously the person who is signing my paycheck rather than those who are demanding a tenth of it and giving me nothing in return except pie in the sky.
 
This thread has been of immense good to me.
Such words as,
"Let me down badly, or prove dishonest,they are out of my life for good."
and
"It's the only way I can cope with life. I find people exhausting, unpredictable, and ever changing."
Thank you so much for those powerful words.
I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
 
I've come to realize that some people are selfish and immature, and they want too much. There are enough people like them, so they get along fine being the way they are, what they are attracted to, etc. I've finally figured out that part of life is really being okay with who you are, or if you're unhappy, at least being satisfied with what you're doing and being open to possibilities with an open mind. If you're unhappy AND not sure if you're going about life the right way, then maybe you do need to consider how you are with others.
 
For me it normally friends cut me off. However, last year I did cut off family until one day I learned something happen to someone. After that day, I decided to stay in only with a few family members so I know what going on. But in general, I don't talk to family.
 
For me, I have had to cut a few people out of my life because they wanted nothing at all to do with or say to me, they were being stuck-up pricks or they think I'm "annoying" them. I don't regret letting them go as friends. If they don't enjoy my company and only pretend to like me, they deserve what's coming to them. I have had to also cut off two family members from my life. One was accusing me of lying to him about what happened when I was a little kid (I don't want to speak of that story... It gives me the heebie jeebies every time I talk about it) and the other said I was annoying him. All I was wanting to do was talk to him but guess what happens? He said if I contact him again, he's calling the police on me. I just don't understand NT's these days. No wonder I isolate myself from other people because I'm afraid of what will happen. ._.
 
I am guilty of cutting people off, I can just walk away and not think of them again. Lately I've watched when this could happen and have managed to stall it, but it has cost me in the past. Isolation is ok until you feel isolated.
 
I was cut off by my best friend when he got married. Wife didn't like me. It feels ******. I wouldn't want to do it to someone else without a really good reason. "Do unto others..." and so on.
 
ive cut some freinds who are asspie like me off recently, two of them actually, both live there lives by a very specific stereotype and one of them says a lot of racist stuff which is kinda weird since the guy is black. they both kinda make me feel uncomftorable about myself. the black one was raised by white adoptive parents and lives in the suburbs sso its understandable hed have some issues with who he is but the extent of it is just insane. i told the guy that i like black chicks once and he still makes jokes at my expense about it, im pretty sure he has some other issues that hes not telling me about though and that kinda frusterates me. the other one i wish would live a little but i dont think that will ever happen, hes to scared of everything and never tries anything new. there both kinda tech geekey and a lot of the times they just act weird on purpose because there supposed to i guess. im not sure how much longer things are going to last between all of us.
 
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