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Couples that notice me.

Metalhead

Video game and movie addict.
V.I.P Member
Dispite my so called bad attitude I am accused here and by my parents I am friendly when talking to girls.
You hate any woman who is unwilling to hop into bed with you. You are a blatant misogynist. You hate any man who is either single or married. Your overall hatred makes you a misanthrope.
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
Go ahead everyone keep insulting me making me feel worse. I am up to hear leaving this place. At least my therapist understands me and she is a woman.
 

tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
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If you come across something you find offensive or believe breaks the rules, report it to a member of staff using the report button. Do not reply to the thread. If you are having a problem with another member of the forums, you may contact a member of staff via Private Message about it.
 

Nitro

Admin/Immoral Turpitude
Staff member
Admin
V.I.P Member
More phobias you might want to discuss with your therapist:

Anuptaphobiafear of staying single
Monophobiafear of being alone

  • Self, being alone- Autophobia, Eremophobia, Eremiphobia or Isolophobia.
 

Ronald Zeeman

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
My wife's male friend is NT yet has managed to remain friends with both women for over 40 years neither considered him dating or marriage material I'm married to one the other is currently single lives alone obviously its more than being an Aspie as he is not one, His medical issues, many genetic are the root of his
issue.
 

Fino

Alex
V.I.P Member
Sometimes it sounds like you say something is difficult, such as beginning a conversation with a woman, as if that's an explanation for not doing it. Doing difficult things is necessary. "I don't do it because it's difficult," may work for a while but to prevent it indefinitely is nonsense.
 

Progster

Grown sideways to the sun
V.I.P Member
@Tony Ramirez What were you hoping to get out of this thread? Did you want advise, or did you just want to rant? If you just want to vent, then there's the "ranting thread" for that purpose, I suggest you post there.

It seems you have a fixation about couples, and this won't go away whatever advice you are given. At the moment you are captive to your own thoughts, going round in a negative feedback loop, and don't want to change. The best you can do is wait for it to subside, and it probably will eventually.
 
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Stuttermabolur

A psychologist said so
V.I.P Member
Have you considered the other side?

This reminds me of a good friend of mine. We started talking online, but study for the same degree so we met in person and hit it off very well (she later told me that she suspects she is on the spectrum). During one of our conversations, she offhandedly mentioned her boyfriend, but that didn't matter to me as I just enjoyed spending time with her.

A couple of weeks later she told me that she was very afraid of telling me her relationship status as in her experience, males who she got along well with (she prefers male friends due to a childhood experience) would stop seeing her as soon as she mentioned being in a relationship, meaning that they weren't interested in her as much as getting into her pants which was very hurtful to her and damaged her self confidence (despite being really into sex and loves her job at a sex shop). She really appreciated having someone who liked being with her without having an ulterior motive. A few months later she had broken up with her boyfriend of four years (they had a very toxic relationship) who was ridiculously jealous of me, but in the end, we enjoyed spending time with each other.

I suspect that the single women don't want to get to know you because of the same worries my friend had, namely, that you only care about their marital status but don't actually care about them as a person, and on this evidence, they wouldn't be wrong.

When it comes to the married couples who socialize with you even though you can't stand them, do the women share any interests with you? Do you know who they are as people besides their wedding ring? Do you think people immediately get more boring when they marry, or do you just not care about their personality at all because you are so laser focused on getting into a relationship that all other considerations do not matter? Your response to those questions might give you an answer as to why single women avoid you.
 

Rodafina

Hopefully Human
V.I.P Member
I suspect that the single women don't want to get to know you because of the same worries my friend had, namely, that you only care about their marital status but don't actually care about them as a person, and on this evidence, they wouldn't be wrong.
Tony, I’m sorry that I said I don’t want be your friend, that was unkind.

But this is an amazing point and I am only writing to offer evidence.

I am a single girl, quite confident that you would not be into my looks or my personality as a mate, yet we have already shared a friendly interaction about youtube videos. Here I am and you literally just said that I do not exist. I am evidence that your thinking is slightly skewed here.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Coincidently, I also met my wife though a Sierra Club activity (hiking).
Out of 7 couples we know, 6 and us met each other on Sierra Club outings. The other couple through a bicycle club. We all have been friends for about 37 years. We lived in different parts of the Chicago area and when retirement hit we all moved near Traverse City.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
And no not to date me but to at least be good friends with but that is out of my reach too.
And, why is that? What have you done to strike up a friendship? Even before meeting my future spouse IRL, we were friends as we discussed training and preparation for a trip. We enjoyed talking and I liked her values and found that we complemented each other. All it took was calling a person I did not know except that we signed up for the same project.

And, no single women here? From the dialogues on this site I feel there are some women that I respect to the point that friendship would be possible. Maybe it is because I still am not a conventional male I feel that in the initial connection, values, interests and personality count for more than just looks. There are women in the bike club much older than I who I respect and like in friendship. One even gave me her late husband's forms for a Wee Lassie canoe that I will begin building in a week. I just can't wait to have her see the finished boat. (I plan to use Alaskan Yellow Cedar with Walnut gunwales and Mahogany decks. With 6 oz fiberglass/epoxy it should be about 30 lbs.)
 
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Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
Let me explain why I hate couples.

About two decades ago I use to chat with this woman I meet online from Europe. We were hitting it off as she sent me a tape of music that she likes. She was also a Christian as I meet her in a Christian chat room. She was also chatting with this guy from Utah. Long story short she ended up moving to Utah and married the guy from Utah. I was bitter so I left that chat room for good.

Because of that I felt depressed, so my late Grandmother found me a Church. I made close friends with the bible study group there. It was a small group of only about 3 to 4 people. Eventually one of them started to date each other. They were constantly holding hands, kissing, and cuddling. It was annoying. They ended up getting married and broke up the group. After they were married, they told me that they did not want to hang out with me anymore and only wanted to hang with couples. This made me hate couples with passion.

I remanded in the Church for another couple of years going to a different bible study group which was bigger but many of the women there would not even give me the time of day. They were not coupled up. I left the Church after attending a Christmas party at the group house where the woman there would not give me the time of day except for four which ticked me off asking me where the bathroom was.

I left for about 18 years then went back to a new Church and you all know the rest. Mostly encountered couples and despising them.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Sadly you have encountered a jerk or three. I see a couple of things . . . You misread interactions because of your biases, and you do not know how to advocate for your happiness. Part of that advocacy is being able to sell yourself to prospective friends and partners. It is not easy and took me a while to be open about my interests and such, finally selling myself to my spouse with my enjoyment of the world.

But, you also have to learn to enjoy people where they are. If you are successful then you will get known as a positive, valuable, person. And I bet there will be some interest in you.
 

Ronald Zeeman

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
You are living your life, based on anecdotes, not the way life really works giving a distorted view you need to find a way to change your paradigm, Couples are not your enemy, my wife and I have a number of single friends for us three is not a crowd. I visit my brother quite a bit he is an Aspie Like me, does not like travelling. his wife does she goes alone frequently my wife like to watch us interact not your normal conversations, his wife is either working Teacher or on a trip somewhere so your view on how couples act
is not what you think he likes to talk about his special interests which she my wife then uses.
 
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Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
Again, stop bringing up your wife's and how you meet them you are really ticking me off.

To make matters worse today's life group was cancelled and I was told off by them in the chat to act nicer. Acting nicer has gotten me nowhere relationship wise.
 

tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
Again, stop bringing up your wife's and how you meet them you are really ticking me off.

To make matters worse today's life group was cancelled and I was told off by them in the chat to act nicer. Acting nicer has gotten me nowhere relationship wise.

What do you want?

You don't want to hear stories of how previously single men
made acquaintance with the women who they eventually married.

You don't want to listen to guys who are currently single.

That lets out any remarks any males might make.

You don't want to hear anything from females who are in relationships.

And since you tried a couple times to talk to single females, but it didn't
work out, you're waiting for them to realize that you're being nice and
they should make a friendly move toward you?

What did you do the times you say you were 'acting nicer'?
Nicer than what?
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
No one understands me. I am starting to believe that many of you don't even have autism. This is me and I am autistic, so I feel and act just like this according to all the articles I read that have marked me down to tea. But no, the so-called people here with autism give advice and act like NT's and nothing like those articles. The only one I relate who I know has autism is @Markness.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
No one understands me. I am starting to believe that many of you don't even have autism. This is me and I am autistic, so I feel and act just like this according to all the articles I read that have marked me down to tea. But no, the so-called people here with autism give advice and act like NT's and nothing like those articles. The only one I relate who I know has autism is @Markness.
So, as a teen and young adult in the '60s and '70s I did not know I was autistic and people treated me like I was normal because of my intelligence, so I never received any help for social avoidance that was clearly Schizotypal. But I could see behaviors and knew people were understanding things that I couldn't seem to connect with. I knew from hard experience that blaming others is not a way forward, and acting nasty was not endearing. So I decided to like myself and be kind to people I meet. I was initially naive, and nearly taken advantage of, but I learned from my mistakes.

There are many here who adapt to reach goals and I believe are on the spectrum. People like @Neonatal RRT Have had to learn how to work in an unyielding world. I've broken out of the cage of social dysfunction because of personal goals. @Luca, from an early life of abuse, transcended that to gain much personal success. @Aspychata with the ups and downs we encounter still grasps hope. There are so many here who I like and who have reconciled with their neurology yet live a life on their own terms all without the biases you, Tony, so clearly exhibit. (I hope you know who you are). @Tony Ramirez , the way you behave is a choice, separate from your neurology.
 

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