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Corrupt A Wish

Granted, but now she will actively insult you for not being on your phone enough.

I wish I didn't have this constant feeling of emotional discomfort
 
Granted. You are now dying of thirst.

I wish I knew when Calm Air makes tickets available.
 
Granted, but the tickets won't be accessible to you personally - only to everyone else

I wish I could go backpacking in Europe
 
Granted. All you take with you is your backpack. Nothing else. As you can imagine, this does not go well.

I wish my mom wasn't trying talk to me about a stupid crush I have on my friend's little brother.
 
Granted. She is now talking to you about a stupid crush you have on Pope John XXIII.

I wish the weather would stay like this for a while.
 
WISH GRANTED:
Some of you goes out more than it used to:
Your heart, lungs, & stomach are now external
organs.

I wish I could tolerate that man.
 
Granted you can tolerate that man (of my choosing), but cannot tolerate any other man ever.

I wish that my suitcase would pack itself
 
Granted your suitcase packs itself but it also now has a mind of its own and goes on holiday without you.

I wish that I could go on holiday.
 
Granted, but the only place you can go is Antarctica. And you can't bring your snowsuit.

I wish I could write a book without getting distracted by the internet.
 
Granted you can write a book without getting distracted by the internet but you are unlawfully sued for plagiarism.

I wish I could finish a project without being sidetracked//procrastinating.
 
Granted, but when people see what a good worker you are, they assign you more and more projects, and you never have any free time again ever.

I wish I was the happiest person in the world.
 
Granted. Now everyone else is angry that you're so much more happy than everyone else, and they've literally brought pitchforks to the party.

I wish that certain peers of mine would get over themselves.
 
Granted, but now other peers who weren't acting that way start acting that way.

I wish the butterfly in my avatar was a real species of butterfly.
 
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