Corrupt A Wish

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Granted. You have all the time to write but now you’ve forgotten how to literally read and write permanently.

I wish I could fly!

Granted. Here's 30 day warning for rent nonpayment.

Joke’s on you! My house is technically mine and my dad only collects rent to have as a backup in case of repairs and home improvement. He’s not going to kick me out over rent.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, you achieve liftoff for approximately 3 seconds, before falling back to the ground, directly into a mud puddle, in front of all your friends.

I wish I could make spaghetti for dinner.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but the only meat there is to make it with is honey ham or swai.

I wish I had a big Kitchenaid stand mixer.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but a big, sleepy, gray cat is sleeping in the bowl. Cute, but unhygienic.

I wish I could see butterflies again this time of year

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

granted, but you have to pay money to go to some kind of big warm glassed in solarium thingie place somewhere, and that involves getting bundled up and putting on shoes.


I wish I had a fine cheese platter with little fancy salty crackers.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but it's so fancy that everything is bland and flavorless and bitter.

I wish I could visit Japan.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but you get beamed back in time to Feudal Japan.

I wish I had three 7/11 go go taquitos, an apple fritter, and a big gulp.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but they're like, the weird chicken and queso ones that smell kinda like feet.

I wish I had a jalapeno cheeseburger.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but inside the bun is a quarter pound of jalapenos, garnished with a few tiny crumbs of ground beef and cheese shreds.

I wish I had an authentic breakfast burrito.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but in order to get it, you have to get up, get dressed, and get out the door and go across town super early in order to get it during breakfast hours.

I wish I could hold a snake

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but it might try to hold you first!

I wish I had a Tiffany lamp.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted. You now have a lamp shaped like a mean valley girl named Tiffany who gossips about you behind your back and criticizes your hair and fashion choices.

I wish I could talk to squirrels