Corrupt A Wish

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but they're cranky and stubborn and like to butt you!

I wish I could raise a flock of ducks

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but they keep flying south every winter and you don't get ducks again til July.

I wish I could play basketball really well.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but now you're 7 feet tall. Have fun with doorframes.

I wish I could knit like a pro

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted. But you now exist as a Sentro Knitting Machine

I wish I could make fancy quilts.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but you are now a sewing machine.

I wish I was covered in kittens

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but you now have cat hair in all your drinks.

I wish I had a pet guinea pig.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but it makes all kinds of noise at 3am and you can't sleep.

I wish I could go to a BTS concert.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but BTS stands for Bluesy Trombone Samba.

I wish grunge was still a popular type of music.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but it's like the kinda lame post-grunge poser crap.

I wish I could go to a rave

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but it's all just lame weird yodeling techno, like the yodeling young European dude on all the memes who looks vaguely like Macaulay Culkin dressed like an ice queen.

I wish I could go to Dairy Queen.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but it's literally "dairy" "queen", as in, drag queens in a cow barn.

I wish I could eat a nice cheeseburger

 

[Jeff T]

Granted, but it's literally a patty of limburger cheese, no meat

I wish I could visit Kansas.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but like ten seconds later you're deposited in Oz via tornado. And you end up landing on some witches even wickeder sister with your aunt's double wide. It's a big dramatic mess. It'll take days and days, and a whole lot of walking to fix everything.

I wish I had some fajitas and fresh corn tortillas.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Granted. The corn tortillas are so fresh that they do nothing but talk back to you!

I wish I didn’t have to work today.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted. Here's 30 day warning for rent nonpayment.

I wish I had a flat of Gatorade bottles and a collection of fancy varieties of sea salt from around the world.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but the Gatorade bottles are just that- empty bottles. You can return them to the store for a dime apiece, though!

I wish I could ride on an airplane again.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but the plane never actually takes off. It just taxis the runway a few times for fun and then lets everyone off.

I wish I had a working wishing well.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but it's leaky so it's never really full and always gets everything around it soggy.

I wish I had a pet bird.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but it's a bluejay, so it starts screaming at three in the morning "JAY JAY JAY JAY!", and does not stop until 3 hours after sundown.

Also, any time you have food on your plate it flies up aggressively flapping in your face as it steals the main course. It then flies up to the highest perch in your house and eats your food while looking you in the eye.

I wish I had a yacht with a jacuzzi on it.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted. It sinks within the first 10 minutes, turning your nice jacuzzi time into an unwilling cold plunge.

I wish I could have more time to write.