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Corrupt A Wish

Granted. And it will be beautiful. But you have to move into a house with a rotted out moldy bathroom, a belt in the refrigerator door, where the shelf bracket is supposed to be, and the faucet in the kitchen sink is made out of brittle, cheap plastic. Bonus though, you get a gas fireplace.

I wish I lived in the countryside.
 
Sure. But all your neighbors are gun-happy rednecks with three teeth who make moonshine in their backyards and are doomsday preppers and conspiracy theorists who believe that you're a plant from the government come to spy on them.

I wish I had my own apartment.
 
negative-speedforce said:
Sure. But all your neighbors are gun-happy rednecks with three teeth who make moonshine in their backyards and are doomsday preppers and conspiracy theorists who believe that you're a plant from the government come to spy on them.

I wish I had my own apartment.
Click to expand...
Sounds like fun. I'd love those neighbors! Pass the shine onto me and I'll tincture up the whole holler. Only a thimblefull, of course, for medicinal purposes.

Granted, but first you have to spend a decade in the holler, dodging revenuers.

I wish I had a cheese and berry danish.
 
Granted, but a tweaker put his thumb in it while trying to steal the sprinkle donuts from the case at the store.

I wish I had a tall glass of strawberry lemonade
 
Me too that's my wish as well.

But alas it looks like neither of us are getting strawberry lemonade. How about some tap water? It's nature's pink lemonade.

I wish that water wasn't so metallic tasting.
 
Granted, try bathing in hot dog water. The original boneless bone broth.

I wish I could drink Raktajino with the klingons, singing songs of war.
 
Granted. But it's gonna be a pair of chimpanzees that smell of b.o. and hay.

And they're gonna rub bananas all over your back through their knuckles. But- it's gonna be the best massage you ever had.

I wish I had an SUV to drive to the coast in.
 
Granted, but it breaks down on the way home and you have to camp overnight in the middle of the bear-infested mountains.

I wish I was covered in kittens
 
Granted, but you are quite literally covered in kittens. No matter what you are doing, at any moment.

I wish I had a grilled quesadilla with sour cream, pico de gallo, and guacamole. Oh and those little spicy pickled carrots :)
 
Granted, but it's from a restaurant called "El Burrito" owned and staffed only by the most pretentious American millennial hipster vegans.

I wish I had my own Vespa
 
Granted. You have ABC magnets that spell out V-E-S-P-A... or PEAS with a leftover V. Or a number of other small words. Do you yet know your ABC's?

I wish I had a lifetime supply of Gatorlyte Zero.
 
Granted, but in order to do that, you have to sign a lifetime contract to play on the Florida Gators football team. Good luck getting tackled by the lunkheads. Nice night for a traumatic brain injury!

I wish I had the skill to draw the complex fictional scenes in my imagination
 
Granted, but she's an incompetent, lazy ditz who gets the nickname "cuddlemuffin" because all she does all day is nap on your furniture.

I wish I wasn't allergic to cats.
 
Granted, but now you're allergic to people.

I wish I had a grilled cheese sandwich with tater tots.
 
Yeshuasdaughter said:
Granted, but now you're allergic to people.

I wish I had a grilled cheese sandwich with tater tots.
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Dude, I'm already allergic to people, what's the difference?

Granted, but it fell on the floor. You can still eat it, the floor is clean, but like... do you really want to?

I wish I had superpowers.
 
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