Corrupt A Wish

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but you wake up in a hundred years with a long beard and everyone is referring to you as "Rip Van Winkle".

I wish I had a house instead of an apartment.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but the house is very haunted- or maybe that's just the mold in the walls messing with your head.

I wish I were a famous pop star

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but now you have paparazzi trying to climb your fence to photograph what you're eating for dinner, and so you have to hire round the clock security.

I wish I really were a selkie.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but sailors keep falling in love with you and trying to steal your sealskin

I wish I was a fairy

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Granted. You become a Clefairy who is immediately caught by some ten year old kid and forced to live inside some tiny ball for all eternity!

I wish I could fly.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted. But it's like that weird flying you do when you dream, where you only hover a few feet off the ground, and have to swim your arms and legs.

I wish I had a new pair of rainboots.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Sure, but they're toddler-sized rainboots. Good luck getting those on.

I wish I had a tall mug of hot cocoa

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but onions and honey were boiled in the cocoa.

I wish I had a private jet.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Sure, but it's a jetpack, not an actual jet. Have fun dodging birds!

I wish I could snowboard

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but now you have to do crazy world record stunts every day for Red Bull, like snowboarding down the back side of K2, or snowboarding out of an airplane.

I wish I had a catamaran with a jacuzzi for hanging out all classy on the river on cold days.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Sure, but when it pops a leak, your jacuzzi will fill with tepid river water.

I wish I had a pet snake

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted. But you have to feed it.

I wish I had a dog.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Sure, but it's a reverse werewolf, and every full moon, it turns into a disgruntled middle aged accountant.

I wish I had a warm bagel.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but it's totally treif. There's oysters, eel, and candied ants in the lard based schmeer.

I wish I had a pack of English Muffins to go with all the butter in this house.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Sure, but someone left the freezer open and the english muffins got moldy.

I wish I could go to Mars

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but the surface is made of melted chocolate and nougat.

I wish I had a pair of snowboots.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but they're in toddler sizes, so good luck getting more than your big toe in.

I wish I could go to the aquarium and see an eel.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but you have to walk there.

I wish I could put my feet in the Pacific ocean.

 

[negative-speedforce]

Granted, but the moment you do, you permanently turn into a mermaid and have to live underwater and eat raw fish and seaweed forever.

I wish I had a million dollars

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Granted, but the moment you do, you permanently turn into a mermaid and have to live underwater and eat raw fish and seaweed forever.

I wish I had a million dollars

Granted, but I'll only give you a million dollars if I can be a part time mermaid. Like with the ability to choose when to be a mermaid and when to be human. Oh and one more stipulation- you have to become a part-time mermaid too.

I wish I had a chromed out lowrider Studebaker truck with flames out the tailpipes.