Confused.

[Dakota Keck]

My name is Dakota and im an aspie from San Antonio Texas, I'm new to the website, so anyones opinions would be very much appriciated. My issue with having aspergers is that I have issues with telling lies,so I am honest and sometimes my honesty comes off as mean. Well the last few months I have been on a few dating sites I told the truth about my diagnosis up front. My therepist told me to do this since alot of relationships I have ended after my former girlfriends found out. I read profiles and the women on the sites say the want honesty.It is a headache to say the least. How do aspies date? I don't understand.

 

[tree]

 

[the_tortoise]

I read profiles and the women on the sites say the want honesty.

Probably there are a whole bunch of specifics about what these women mean that thet don't actually specify and just assume other people will know. (The whole "reading between the lines" thing.)

I suspect that it means they want to date men who won't lie about who they are to get a date, or cheat on them, or lie about their intentions and behavior in the relationship; Not necessarily that they want to date men who are honest about everything.....



Have you tried an autism-specific dating site? Maybe you would have more luck there. (I have no idea, I don't use dating sites at all -- I am an autie and I have dated people I met at community groups, work, and school, for the most part.)

Oh, and I see this is also your introduction post so welcome to the site

 

[Nitro]

 

[AGXStarseed]

My name is Dakota and im an aspie from San Antonio Texas, I'm new to the website, so anyones opinions would be very much appriciated. My issue with having aspergers is that I have issues with telling lies,so I am honest and sometimes my honesty comes off as mean. Well the last few months I have been on a few dating sites I told the truth about my diagnosis up front. My therepist told me to do this since alot of relationships I have ended after my former girlfriends found out. I read profiles and the women on the sites say the want honesty.It is a headache to say the least. How do aspies date? I don't understand.

Welcome to Aspiescentral.

This website may be of use to you: Spectrum Dating and Friendships at SpectrumSingles.com

 

[Streetwise]

welcome

My name is Dakota and im an aspie from San Antonio Texas, I'm new to the website, so anyones opinions would be very much appriciated. My issue with having aspergers is that I have issues with telling lies,so I am honest and sometimes my honesty comes off as mean. Well the last few months I have been on a few dating sites I told the truth about my diagnosis up front. My therepist told me to do this since alot of relationships I have ended after my former girlfriends found out. I read profiles and the women on the sites say the want honesty.It is a headache to say the least. How do aspies date? I don't understand.

 

[Judge]

For some of us, the social convention of dating itself was never really an option. Too many societal expectations and ritualistic behavior tied to it. Too stressful for me, where it seemed impossible to be myself. Long before I ever stumbled onto being on the spectrum of autism.

Instead I chose to make friends of the opposite sex. On rare occasion those friendships blossomed into something more. It was the only real way I could develop more meaningful relationships.

Welcome to AC.

 

[Theta.G]

My name is Dakota and im an aspie from San Antonio Texas, I'm new to the website, so anyones opinions would be very much appriciated. My issue with having aspergers is that I have issues with telling lies,so I am honest and sometimes my honesty comes off as mean. Well the last few months I have been on a few dating sites I told the truth about my diagnosis up front. My therepist told me to do this since alot of relationships I have ended after my former girlfriends found out. I read profiles and the women on the sites say the want honesty.It is a headache to say the least. How do aspies date? I don't understand.

They don't really want honesty up front.
When it comes to online dating it's a lot like online shopping. Next prospect is a click or swipe away.
To provide an example. If you read a girls profile and it says she is bi polar, has 2 kids, medical bills, self proclaimed crazy and unemployed. Pure honesty. Most guys looking for long term would move on.
Now. Lets say that same girl kept most of that stuff off her profile. The main profile had interests, hobbies.Positive traits. Well then y'all may go on date. This is where you can find if you actually like each other. Then over time those other things will surface and one could balance the pros and cons.

With being upfront and honest about some of your struggles that meeting or date never takes place. Feelings don't develop. Chemistry is absent. The cons weigh down the scale heavily since they haven't met you to assess positives.

In my opinion, you should save the aspie reveal for a later time. Maybe 3rd date? Not including it in your profile doesn't make it dishonest.

Could still be honest and upfront about your positive traits in profile but do keep in mind something like honesty cannot be assessed until you've spoken or hung out with the person for a while.

If they break up with you over it, just shows they aren't worth your time. Going to message you a link that might be helpful. Good luck!

 

[SusanLR]

Hello Dakota and welcome to the forum.

When it came to dating, I didn't.
Judge's quote describes the only way I ever got with
someone that could be called dating.

Instead I chose to make friends of the opposite sex. On rare occasion those friendships blossomed into something more. It was the only real way I could develop more meaningful relationships.

Most never lasted very long.
A couple of them did, but, I wasn't interested in marriage or a family so eventually they moved on.

Tatters...the Invisible "Squirrel" friend.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

To provide an example. If you read a girls profile and it says she is bi polar, has 2 kids, medical bills, self proclaimed crazy and unemployed

Is she hot?

 

[Theta.G]

Is she hot?

According to this guy, Yes

 

[rachaels_apocalypse]

Hey!
So I have Hep C.
Just figured out the autism.
A + B = Why I’ve told every new guy on 1st date that I have Hep C.
Urgh!! Wish I’d known why I have been so COMPLETELY honest my whole life. I’ve always taught my kids, “it’s our family’s way” to be honest people lol. Who knows, with all the sprinkling of spectrum traits I’m seeing around or family tree, it is in a way lol.....

Anyway.... reading this has helped me. As I’m single too. And it feels IMPOSSIBLE to begin a new relationship. Almost all others began when substances were involved, or when I was in rehab with someone (stuck together... slow building friendship, no chance for me to run like scared rabbit haha). I kinda wish I hadn’t ended my last marriage, it had been my second. Even though I knew it wasn’t right for me. It was still....already started, kwim???

So, Dakota — seeing as autism is extremely new for me....you’ve made me think. I have no idea either?? When to disclose?? I REALLY struggle with that honestly part of me, which wants to burst it out like dam. There has been such great advice here. I’m going to take it with me... esp the 3rd-ish date as a goal post. Depending on how the relationship is progressing......

So — someone is in your same boat!!