Hello! First post, a little nervous. I guess first a little background about my husband and I. we have been together 3+ years, and married nearly two (coming up in June). I love my husband and I know he loves me, but I struggle to feel happy at times. The current issues being faced seems to be going on for the last year or so. My husband has done well learning to communicate important things in a way I understand and, for the most part, don't hurt my feelings. However, when i try to communicate issues, or problems that I would like him to see or work on, he gets defensive and turns the conversation back around on what I need to work on or change, and I don't feel like he hears me. I work hard to remember what makes him more comfortable, etc. becuase he comes out of his head and can be himself. I understand that certain things are hard for him, like cuddling, showing affection, etc. however, lately I keep thinking, when is it his turn to step out of his comfort zone, or his turn to comprimise. I know the problem is lack of clear communication, the biggest part being a difference in definitions. (best example here, when I had trouble at work, he said that sometimes I take things personally. this hurt my feelings as I thought he was saying that I was weak. It took two weeks for us to realize there was a disconnect and he clarified that he saw it as a good quality in me because it made me more compassionate, and recognized/confirmed it wasn't something that I could or needed to change.) From other threads, an idea I had was confirmed as a good possibility and I was wanting advice from other Aspie males. I want to make a 'guide book' for him about me (and hopefully vice versa) as talking about issues doesn't get us anywhere and we both feel hurt. I want to include key words and explanations, an example being 'Be romantic: this does not mean I want something from a movie, it means I want to see you make an effort to do something special for just us that I also enjoy." . Again, I am not saying this is all his fault, as I know we communicate differently and we do both try. Anything i should make a point to include?
thanks a bunch!
thanks a bunch!