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'Cassandra syndrome'

N

NB79

Well-Known Member
I didn't know about this concept existed as a label, but a thought always crossed my mind sometimes, that, some NT people could break a nail, and everyone is talking about it, and then i could say i am suffering greatly for some reason, that for me is a great suffering compared to the other stuff, and i am dismissed or i don't get any attention the same as others.

Did you knew about this 'syndrome'? it happens in your relationships?

 
In my experience, this is a 2-way street. On one hand, with my alexithymia, my bad experiences with emotions, and my upbringing, I am highly logical and without emotional expression. Think Spock from Star Trek. As a result, if someone is telling me their troubles and how they are feeling, I may have little understanding or perspective, and my natural inclination would be to logically fix the problem. I am not going to give you emotional support or validation. I have no use for it in my life and my bias is neither do you. Fix the problem and be done with it, no more complaining. On the other hand, if I am having troubles and express how I am feeling, usually angry and frustrated, I see people backing away. I've never in my life had anyone give me any sort of emotional support or validation. I don't know what that is.

If you are one that just wants me to listen to your story and your feelings, I can do that, but some people get upset with me trying to fix the problem when they just want emotional support. I am not the person you need to talk to, if that's the case.

I've also been actively and passively dismissed in my younger years by older adults, parents, etc. that simply thought "this too shall pass" and would not take me seriously. There has been some truth to the experience "this too shall pass", but the fact that others didn't take me seriously in the moment, put me off to ever expressing my personal concerns ever again. I just suck it up and internalize it. No one wants to listen to my issues, this much I know for sure.
 
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I believe for some reason some people don't seem to understand what you say, even when you are expressing it with words carefully, words have a meaning even if my tone of voice is monotone and i don't express nothing in my face etc, but for them is not like that.
 
Interesting how he explained it. I have ran into this with two people on the spectrum. Especially my mom who continously shuts me down, and l feel l can't discuss anything with her. I ran into it somewhat with a friend, who didn't realize how much l struggle daily in my life, l felt l couldn't discuss this with them. It really affected me.
 
marc_101 said:
Oy...

I'll try not to rant about YouTuber "psychologists." It seems like a common thing that happens to all humans: we have people that don't listen to us. Hardly a syndrome.

And the YouTuber got it backwards. The term is often used to refer to NTs dealing with autistics, not the other way around:

https://www.psychiatrist.com/news/c...es-anger-frustration-in-autism-relationships/
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Jeez, that article. Depressing. Apparently we're so wrong as ASD humans (especially the middle-aged hetero men in relationships with hetero women), and have so deprived them of their natural right to the relationship they see in the movies that there's an actual claim for a PTSD-like "syndrome". Apparently moaning on problem pages that we're all "fixers" who won't let them vent wasn't enough. I'll be sure to lend a tissue once I've dealt with a disability rife with suicide, anxiety, unemployability, shortened life expectancy, discrimination and exclusion.

ETA: And they can leave Cassandra out of this too. Cassandra was cursed to be able to prophesise the future (especially disasters) but would be disbelieved, not that no-one believed her when she moaned about her husband being in the shed too long. The irony that many ASDers actually suffer from this ability to logically foresee outcomes (it's what we do a lot of ) but being dismissed by NTs is not lost on me.
 
Cassandra Syndrome relates to a person whose valid warnings or concerns are disbelieved by others.

Yep, that's it, and it happened to me a lot. Likely because of my normally flat affect when expressing those warnings or concerns. People would ignore me, claim to know what they are doing, screw things up anyway, and then blame me for "jinxing" them.

At least I would get my "I told you so" moments.
 
I still don't get this. So who has this Cassandra Syndrome? Us or the NTs? If it's us then why would the NTs being unable to put themselves in our shoes make us disordered?
 
Misty Avich said:
I still don't get this. So who has this Cassandra Syndrome? Us or the NTs? If it's us then why would the NTs being unable to put themselves in our shoes make us disordered?
Click to expand...

You are not supposed to have it, it's something that happens in relationships. I would say in the case of autistics is a lot worse because you don't have social/expression skills, so people often just ignore what you say or don't get it.
 
Neonatal RRT said:
If you are one that just wants me to listen to your story and your feelings, I can do that, but some people get upset with me trying to fix the problem when they just want emotional support. I am not the person you need to talk to, if that's the case.
Click to expand...

A social dynamic I know well, having so many negative interactions with my NT cousin. Where logic and possible solutions simply aren't appreciated.
 
I don't think I have that really. Yes my husband doesn't get the severity of my noise sensitivity with the upstairs neighbours, but sometimes he does. It just depends on what mood he's in at the time.

In a lot of ways I do relate to NTs on more things than I don't. After all, we do all have one condition in common: The human condition.
 
Misty Avich said:
I still don't get this. So who has this Cassandra Syndrome? Us or the NTs? . . .
Click to expand...
No one, really. It is just a label for a situation in which people who do not know what is going on refuse to believe a person who does. Maybe it's a lack of respect for educated people (i.e., Pride in Ignorance). Maybe it's a lack of emotional content when expressing a concern or when giving a warning (i.e., Flat affect and delivery). Maybe it's something else.
 
It happened to me with my family, that they refused to believe that I was very ill. My ex called me a "hypercondriac" and my teenage children sided with him. I had to leave because I was so ill and being so dismissed. I ended up homeless for a while. In winter. In so much pain and very ill. I went to hospital. They dismissed me too. It took months to get diagnosed for the stomach thing that was giving me chronic pain and making me very ill and stopping me from being able to sleep.

I believe my ex is autistic. But then, so am I. I had a couple of friends that knew how ill I was, but, I've never had acknowledgement from my kids and ex about the horrible way they treated me when I was desperately ill and trying to get help and support. Some, well, actually, only one, of my children won't talk to me because I left his dad and them when they were teens, but do you think I can get heard about why I left? How ill I was? Nope. Not from my older, now adult kiddos and their Dad. That feels pretty "Cassandra-y" to me.
 
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