Bullying in the Autistic community

[UberScout]

There have also been some members on here during the time that I've been here who have bullied/picked on other members. I don't like to see it or be around it but it happens from time to time.

I should know. Bullying has been my whole life experience, and not even just school; sometimes it comes from my own family.

 

[UberScout]

Bullies never stop being bullies. I have learned that much. Once they find someone to pick on, they NEVER leave them alone. By the time I left high school I was still cutting myself for every time I was teased. I still do, rarely, ever since my step-dad started doing it.

And what happens when the victim can't take it anymore and NOBODY is helping them?

Simple. Their families walk into their room one day to check on them, and find them hanging from the ceiling by a noose, with a note talking about everybody that abused then.

To this day, no, to this very HOUR I am still fighting that urge. Knowing I'll never be left alone, knowing that nobody is ever going to help me with this eternal problem, it drives me mad. The mental pain from it plus the rest of what life is doing to me is starting to become physical pain; hell, I'm so messed up I'm having panic attacks in my sleep now!!

 

[AspieChris]

I found out that I am on the spectrum about a year after my only child was born. If I had known the truth about my condition, there’s no way I would have created another person who might suffer in the ways I have. There’s some absolutely awesome aspects to ASD, but it’s been a long and hard road.

Bullies are absolutely everywhere and I have been the target thousands of times. Even my own mother took advantage of my inability to understand when I was being bullied.

 

[Mary Terry]

@UberScout - I care. Very much. Please PM me anytime you need someone to talk to.

I grew up in a family with a very abusive bully for a father. I was his favorite target. That past experience still haunts me to this day, but it does not define me because I refuse to allow it to do so. My father would WANT me to suffer every day but he's dead and I refuse to give in to it anymore.

 

[AspieChris]

Bullies never stop being bullies. I have learned that much. Once they find someone to pick on, they NEVER leave them alone. By the time I left high school I was still cutting myself for every time I was teased. I still do, rarely, ever since my step-dad started doing it.

And what happens when the victim can't take it anymore and NOBODY is helping them?

Simple. Their families walk into their room one day to check on them, and find them hanging from the ceiling by a noose, with a note talking about everybody that abused then.

To this day, no, to this very HOUR I am still fighting that urge. Knowing I'll never be left alone, knowing that nobody is ever going to help me with this eternal problem, it drives me mad. The mental pain from it plus the rest of what life is doing to me is starting to become physical pain; hell, I'm so messed up I'm having panic attacks in my sleep now!!

That was a hell of a rant. It practically brought me to tears. It’s the first time I ever heard anyone say exactly what I have been living in my whole life. I have written so many suicide letters that I can’t even count them. I often fantasize about finally getting to tell everyone that this is their fault. Honestly, 1/2 the reason I never did it was because I wouldn’t get to be there and see those people suffering in my absence.

Oh yeah…. And I always got into trouble when I would finally fight back in the only way I could. Suddenly I have anger management issues and the assholes who were responsible got to laugh while I was sitting in the principal’s office again. It’s all just a game to them but it was my life that was destroyed.

 

[UberScout]

That was a hell of a rant. It practically brought me to tears. It’s the first time I ever heard anyone say exactly what I have been living in my whole life. I have written so many suicide letters that I can’t even count them. I often fantasize about finally getting to tell everyone that this is their fault. Honestly, 1/2 the reason I never did it was because I wouldn’t get to be there and see those people suffering in my absence.


Oh yeah…. And I always got into trouble when I would finally fight back in the only way I could. Suddenly I have anger management issues and the assholes who were responsible got to laugh while I was sitting in the principal’s office again. It’s all just a game to them but it was my life that was destroyed.

It's very rare that I meet someone having the same life experience I am.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Bullies never stop being bullies. I have learned that much. Once they find someone to pick on, they NEVER leave them alone. By the time I left high school I was still cutting myself for every time I was teased. I still do, rarely, ever since my step-dad started doing it.

And what happens when the victim can't take it anymore and NOBODY is helping them?

Simple. Their families walk into their room one day to check on them, and find them hanging from the ceiling by a noose, with a note talking about everybody that abused then.

To this day, no, to this very HOUR I am still fighting that urge. Knowing I'll never be left alone, knowing that nobody is ever going to help me with this eternal problem, it drives me mad. The mental pain from it plus the rest of what life is doing to me is starting to become physical pain; hell, I'm so messed up I'm having panic attacks in my sleep now!!

What kind of loving God would allow someone like me to be given life only to just sit back and watch as he tumbles over himself and just gets abused by everyone who's never heard of autism before? What kind of God would just WATCH someone have such a hard time going through life, watching them suffer so many misfortunes and not do ANYTHING to help them?! God has the power to do LITERALLY ANYTHING!! That logic tells me that he has the power to fix things like homelessness, evil, abusive people, starvation! And he just does NOTHING?! And let's everybody figure it out themselves?! Expectation vs reality is playing to the fullest here: HE expects humans to get along and learn how to help each other and do good, but in reality, NOBODY CARES ABOUT ANY OF THAT!! There are others like me EVERYWHERE having life experiences like mine, and with so many problems that have no solution, what is He SUPPOSED to expect somebody to do?! Break out sparklers and dance to a folk song?!


I will NEVER trust God again after what I've been through!!!!!!! I am DONE being a Christian!!!

I think your thoughts and feelings are very familiar. I'd love to read a book of stories like this, to see the healing it could bring to Autistic people.

 

[The Pandector]

I didn't say to ignore men's voices. The poster had mentioned Tony Attwood so I'm suggesting there are more voices than NTs and their research should be more inclusive.

Oh. I have a powerful propensity to assume that people mean just what they say. It gets me in trouble sometimes, but this time I’m sure you’ll agree your comment was stated clearly. Will I ever learn?

 

[The Pandector]

Your research was heavily influenced by a Neurotypical man almost 30 years ago, prior to the DSM5.

What were your thoughts on Tony Attwood's most recent interview with a member of the other autism website, wherein she educates him about her lived experience as an autistic woman, especially pertaining to atypical behaviour and meltdowns? She and Tony have been close personal friends for years, and he had many questions for her as an esteemed, autistic colleague. It was clear that Dr Attwood is still learning about autism and refining his expertise by engaging with people who are #actuallyautistic, on a daily basis.

If you're still interested in learning or explaining what autism is, I'd recommend that you also cite current, first-hand accounts by women, trans and nonbinary people. There are many autistic people on this site and other autism sites if you have questions. Many of us write books, make videos, or maintain blogs which give an insiders' perspective about life on the spectrum.

As for "the dark side", I'm not sure what you're alluding to. Are you able to clarify what that means, exactly?

Much improved by the edit. Thanks.

 

[Jonn]

For most people, there will always be the desire to be a part of a group. Within the group, there will always be many who aspire to more than mere membership.

Most, not all.
The traditional Autistic was seen as the ultimate individualist.
Sadly, this isn't as common these days.
I suspect the internet had something to do with that.

But we’re talking about the bully who steals from your social standing to add to his own. Making you look small so he looks big, making you look stupid to make himself look smart, making you look nerdy to make himself look cool, making you look weak to make himself look strong. Yeah - no moral compass or self awareness.

It is a power trip.
"Power corrupts...
Absolute power tends to corrupt absolutely..."

 

[Jonn]

You mean like finding out that despite Mr Atwood's (and other's) assertions that people on the spectrum are known to "follow rules", be honest, and "seek the truth" that not all those on the spectrum are like that?

Discovering this is not always the case was certainly an experience I don't wish to go through again...

Well, I have moved on from Tony decades ago through my own hard-won experiences.
I had to do the hard yakka pretty much on my own.
These days, there is so much more information about autism.
The young ppl these days are in a less feral/isolated social environment than we older ppl experienced if you include the internet.

But consider:
When I was young, I didn't even know what Aspergers was.
The term "Aspergers" wasn't even used at that time.
There were no support groups on the internet because there WAS no internet.

I didn't have the opportunity to be in an autistic group in the first place.
There is less than 5% of the population who are on the spectrum.
What was the chance of forming an autistic group, especially for those who were clueless about the syndrome?
And back in those days, most autistic ppl preferred to do their own thing like I did because we didn't really have a choice.

 

[Jonn]

Bullying is a learned behavior, usually as a result of having been bullied.

I believe what you have said.
And of course, not every victim of bullying is going to become a bully.

When I see someone being ganged up on in a forum, I will step in and support them even if we have major disagreements.
My dislike of a pile-on and my sense of fair play overcomes personal animosity.
I think most on the spectrum are like this.
Well, I hope so.

 

[Brictoria]

Well, I have moved on from Tony decades ago through my own hard-won experiences.
I had to do the hard yakka pretty much on my own.
These days, there is so much more information about autism.
The young ppl these days are in a less feral/isolated social environment than we older ppl experienced if you include the internet.

But consider:
When I was young, I didn't even know what Aspergers was.
The term "Aspergers" wasn't even used at that time.
There were no support groups on the internet because there WAS no internet.

I didn't have the opportunity to be in an autistic group in the first place.
There is less than 5% of the population who are on the spectrum.
What was the chance of forming an autistic group, especially for those who were clueless about the syndrome?
And back in those days, most autistic ppl preferred to do their own thing like I did because we didn't really have a choice.

I was in a similar position... I wasn't diagnosed until my mid-late 30's, as when I was younger "Autism" was only diagnosed for those who would now be classified as "Level 3 Autism", and there was limited information around that I could find at the time, I was diagnosed as well.

When the available literature says that those on the spectrum have certain "behaviours" or act in a given way, it can be rather painful to find that there are some who do not "conform" to what you had been led to expect...

 

[Brictoria]

I believe what you have said.
And of course, not every victim of bullying is going to become a bully.

When I see someone being ganged up on in a forum, I will step in and support them even if we have major disagreements.
My dislike of a pile-on and my sense of fair play overcomes personal animosity.
I think most on the spectrum are like this.
Well, I hope so.

I have the same instinct... I believe on one forum that led to a belief I was a strong supporter of a certain person, merely for trying to put their side forward\explain their side's beliefs in order to encourage understanding, rather than animosity, from those on the site.

Strangely enough, that site had a specific policy against attacks on individuals\groups, yet those who ran it seemed to go out of their way to encourage such attacks, even joining in with them at times.

 

[AspieChris]

I have the same instinct... I believe on one forum that led to a belief I was a strong supporter of a certain person, merely for trying to put their side forward\explain their side's beliefs in order to encourage understanding, rather than animosity, from those on the site.

Strangely enough, that site had a specific policy against attacks on individuals\groups, yet those who ran it seemed to go out of their way to encourage such attacks, even joining in with them at times.

Something I have noticed about humanity that is disturbing: Those who have been oppressed all through childhood eventually find a person or group that they feel superior to and BECOME the oppressor. Such as a child with abusive parents growing up and abusing their own kids, or a teen who lives in poverty and is targeted by racist cops growing up to be a sheriff who enjoys picking on minorities.

I used to think it was a power trip. And it doesn’t apply to everyone out there. But now I believe it’s a sort of pressure release valve. Their formative years were spent in constant fear of authority figures, so growing up and becoming a person in authority means they can finally have an outlet for decades of collected negative energy.

It’s reprehensible, but it kind of makes sense. Most of us on the spectrum however were bullied or abused in our youth and have grown up with a determination that we will end that cycle of abuse. I’m sure that some of us don’t do that but I believe they are usually doing something that resembles bullying without even realizing it

 

[Jonn]

I’m sure that some of us don’t do that but I believe they are usually doing something that resembles bullying without even realizing it

Hopefully, discussions like this may alert some who don't realise what they are doing.

 

[AspieChris]

Hopefully, discussions like this may alert some who don't realise what they are doing.

I was trying to be subtle, but that’s exactly what I was hoping when I wrote that.

 

[1ofakind]

I wish there was some kind of support group specific to helping individuals on the autism spectrum handle bullying. I'm still overwhelmed by bullying in my life as an older adult (Disabled now with Complex PTSD) and don't know how to fix it. I have a hard time even going outside my home. The smear campaign discredits truth and I am alone. People have labled me a drug addict when I don't do drugs or abuse substances of any kind. I don't even drink alcohol. It is paralyzing and throughout my life the bullies are believed and no one can hear me when I am telling the truth. It is part of a pattern of narcissistic abuse in my life I am struggling to overcome, but I think being on the spectrum makes it much more difficult. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[Jonn]

The smear campaign discredits truth and I am alone. People have labled me a drug addict when I don't do drugs or abuse substances of any kind. I don't even drink alcohol.

The biggest problem is not the smear campaign in itself...
It is the naive, ignorant, judgemental, and just plain stupid ppl who jump on the bandwagon without hearing both sides of the story.

 

[Kit]

I have been picked on by others on the spectrum. Bullying isn't a NT thing, it's just a human thing.