Biggest flaw, how serious it is, and how to confront it

[Greatshield17]

I know I've made threads on this before and others have, likewise, mentioned this; but I really want to discuss my own struggle with this, what it's like for me and how I might be able to overcome this.

So right now, my biggest flaw is anger, I really struggle with anger right now and I just really struggle with it. I posted a thread on the Religion sub-forum talking about the Canadian Martyrs and how I deeply admire them and am deeply inspired by them. The reason I'm deeply inspired by them, and other Martyrs, is because their conduct seems to be the right response to injustice, (not always, I know there are sometimes where it is appropriate to fight back, the Cristero Martyrs fought back when faced with the Calles Laws) willfully suffering, offering the other cheek, and even laying down your life for the Faith or what's right, is much more powerful than getting angry and yelling or fighting back. When people attack my Faith, usually I can handle it, (unless it gets really personal, like for example, depending on the circumstances; I could in some cases get very angry if my Blessed Mother is attacked.) usually I just pray for the grace to have a Martyr's zeal and not bother with it too much.

But in other situations, it's much harder for me to not just get really angry. The main thing that makes me really angry is when I myself, get personally attacked, disrespected, or put in a position where I feel powerless. Another thing closely related to the first thing I mentioned, as well as the next thing I'll be mentioning, is when I have a position or the like and people refuse to discuss it, or criticize or debate it, but just dismiss me as unreasonable or personally attack me; thankfully this actually happens very rarely (And there have been times where I won't be angry, because I realize the people themselves are the ones not interested in discussion or debate) but when it does happen, I end up being really furious about and can sometimes be mad for actually a few days about it. The third thing which, usually doesn't get me as angry as the first two, but really irritates me nonetheless, is when I'm watching or hearing a position being criticized and the person doing the criticizing misunderstands or misrepresents the position; that really irritates me, especially if it's done by someone who, either holds my position, or is allied with it to some degree. Again this doesn't anger me as much as the first two, and I've limited my intake of this kind of media, (and plan to do more so this coming Christmas season) but still, it's really irritating.

Sorry for making this so long, but, this is my problem; and I really want help dealing with this and handling things better. It's a real problem for me, the reason I bring up my admiration of Martyrs, is because I get so angry it gets to the point where I'm tempted to do the opposite and be self-destructive; if a big, strong muscular guy threatens me, I'll be tempted to send myself to the hospital for the sake of fighting back; if I receive a death threat online, if I'm really angry, I'll be tempted provide the person with my address and dare him to come and get me. I don't usually get to this extreme, but I know that temptation is there. I need help and advice dealing with this attitude so that I'm not always in this bad mood that I tend to fall into.

 

[Gracey]

I haven't read up on the martyrs you mentioned,
but have to wonder if they 'let it go'
water off a ducks back, so to speak.

Whatever was said or done to them couldn't shake or change their resolute belief,
so the actions or words of another didn't really matter. They weren't stronger or more important than their own belief? maybe?
They let it go?

 

[Thinx]

Ok, this is a tangent, but when alls said and done, did Jesus want people to argue about stuff, or was his message more about using our lives to do significant good in the world? Isn't that how to represent God in the world?

 

[Greatshield17]

I haven't read up on the martyrs you mentioned,
but have to wonder if they 'let it go'
water off a ducks back, so to speak.

Whatever was said or done to them couldn't shake or change their resolute belief,
so the actions or words of another didn't really matter. They weren't stronger or more important than their own belief? maybe?
They let it go?

I guess it's all just try, try, again; it took me years to overcome some other bad habits I had, I guess I need to keep trying with this one. I still hope though that this habit doesn't take as long as the last one to kick.

 

[Greatshield17]

Ok, this is a tangent, but when alls said and done, did Jesus want people to argue about stuff, or was his message more about using our lives to do significant good in the world? Isn't that how to represent God in the world?

Mostly, but words are necessary, and not everyone has the same calling; that being said, I do believe that my vocation calls for fewer spoken words, more written words, definitely more prayer, and much more good conduct.

 

[Wolfsage]

Not sure if this helps. But, I have a story concerning rage and anger. Many years ago I knew a man who hated the world and all of mankind. Including himself.
He never looked in the mirror he told me. Not for a long time. He hated the flesh on his body and the blood that ran threw his veins. He said he used to pray to God to bring forth the end times and destroy mankind. Including himself.
I asked the cause of this rage. He said mankind were all murderers. That they had murderer Jesus Christ by the crucification. His voice actually broke telling me this and he was crying. His brother should never haved suffered such a fate. His words.
For my part I wondered at his faith. To believe that so powerfully was a sight to behold.
I finally asked him what he did about his anger. He said God helped understand the reasoning behind Jesus Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection. It took years though of God working with him. But, eventually his rage left him fully. He's happy and at peace with mankind. Remember what Jesus said. And unto him that smiteth thee on the [one] cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not [to take thy] coat also.

 

[SDRSpark]

I guess it's all just try, try, again; it took me years to overcome some other bad habits I had, I guess I need to keep trying with this one. I still hope though that this habit doesn't take as long as the last one to kick.

I'm not sure if this helps, but I once read that the original definition of sin (in Hebrew) was "to miss the mark". Think of an archer missing the bullseye.

So you're not a bad person when you "sin" (miss) - you missed the target, and you try again. We all miss the target. What's important is that we don't stop trying. Eventually we (hopefully) get it (and if we don't, I believe that we are made better for trying, in any case). We'll never be perfect, that's impossible, but if we keep trying to hit that target, we can keep improving.

So have patience with yourself; you're not expected to be perfect immediately, or ever. Trying is enough. I believe also that God sees you trying. I think one of the greatest disservices that religion has done for people is adding guilt which by human nature demands perfection - your life isn't going to be over when you inevitably miss that mark. Not even close. As is popularly said these days, "It's OK not to be OK".

 

[Gracey]

I guess it's all just try, try, again; it took me years to overcome some other bad habits I had, I guess I need to keep trying with this one. I still hope though that this habit doesn't take as long as the last one to kick.

The human brain is wonderful
To "Try, try, try and try again" starts the wiring together of different neural connections which if practised repeatedly over time becomes a habit and from thence, an automatic reaction.

I get your reaction though.
I used to do the same thing when low-lifes were dissing or bullying my brothers.
Didn't 'pause' and think.
Just got so mad and went at it.
My reaction was immediate. Until I changed it.

 

[Greatshield17]

The human brain is wonderful
To "Try, try, try and try again" starts the wiring together of different neural connections which if practised repeatedly over time becomes a habit and from thence, an automatic reaction.

I get your reaction though.
I used to do the same thing when low-lifes were dissing or bullying my brothers.
Didn't 'pause' and think.
Just got so mad and went at it.
My reaction was immediate. Until I changed it.

Thanks, one other thing I need to work on, is keeping a good mindset, be more grateful and inspired by things.

 

[Metalhead]

I know I've made threads on this before and others have, likewise, mentioned this; but I really want to discuss my own struggle with this, what it's like for me and how I might be able to overcome this.

So right now, my biggest flaw is anger, I really struggle with anger right now and I just really struggle with it. I posted a thread on the Religion sub-forum talking about the Canadian Martyrs and how I deeply admire them and am deeply inspired by them. The reason I'm deeply inspired by them, and other Martyrs, is because their conduct seems to be the right response to injustice, (not always, I know there are sometimes where it is appropriate to fight back, the Cristero Martyrs fought back when faced with the Calles Laws) willfully suffering, offering the other cheek, and even laying down your life for the Faith or what's right, is much more powerful than getting angry and yelling or fighting back. When people attack my Faith, usually I can handle it, (unless it gets really personal, like for example, depending on the circumstances; I could in some cases get very angry if my Blessed Mother is attacked.) usually I just pray for the grace to have a Martyr's zeal and not bother with it too much.

But in other situations, it's much harder for me to not just get really angry. The main thing that makes me really angry is when I myself, get personally attacked, disrespected, or put in a position where I feel powerless. Another thing closely related to the first thing I mentioned, as well as the next thing I'll be mentioning, is when I have a position or the like and people refuse to discuss it, or criticize or debate it, but just dismiss me as unreasonable or personally attack me; thankfully this actually happens very rarely (And there have been times where I won't be angry, because I realize the people themselves are the ones not interested in discussion or debate) but when it does happen, I end up being really furious about and can sometimes be mad for actually a few days about it. The third thing which, usually doesn't get me as angry as the first two, but really irritates me nonetheless, is when I'm watching or hearing a position being criticized and the person doing the criticizing misunderstands or misrepresents the position; that really irritates me, especially if it's done by someone who, either holds my position, or is allied with it to some degree. Again this doesn't anger me as much as the first two, and I've limited my intake of this kind of media, (and plan to do more so this coming Christmas season) but still, it's really irritating.

Sorry for making this so long, but, this is my problem; and I really want help dealing with this and handling things better. It's a real problem for me, the reason I bring up my admiration of Martyrs, is because I get so angry it gets to the point where I'm tempted to do the opposite and be self-destructive; if a big, strong muscular guy threatens me, I'll be tempted to send myself to the hospital for the sake of fighting back; if I receive a death threat online, if I'm really angry, I'll be tempted provide the person with my address and dare him to come and get me. I don't usually get to this extreme, but I know that temptation is there. I need help and advice dealing with this attitude so that I'm not always in this bad mood that I tend to fall into.

Well, I can pull out a common 12-stepper prayer that helps me deal with my anger quite often.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

In my case, when I find myself going into anger over feeling powerless and being dismissed, I have to remind myself that letting the anger wash over me is the same thing as owning the insecurities of the people doing the dismissing. I have the power to say, “Screw this,” and walk away from what I cannot change.

 

[Greatshield17]

Well, I can pull out a common 12-stepper prayer that helps me deal with my anger quite often.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

In my case, when I find myself going into anger over feeling powerless and being dismissed, I have to remind myself that letting the anger wash over me is the same thing as owning the insecurities of the people doing the dismissing. I have the power to say, “Screw this,” and walk away from what I cannot change.

Thanks you,

By the way I saw your thread, though I haven’t read through all of the responses yet; sorry I didn’t check it out until now, you’re in my prayers. Prior to anger, (though I was struggling with anger in addition to this) the thing I was struggling with, was actually a sexual addiction, and I have experienced the same feelings of meaninglessness, frustration, and self-loathing you’ve expressed in your thread; I’ll read the rest of your thread tomorrow and see if there’s any advice I can give you regarding what you are specifically dealing with, (I do agree with other people’s advice regarding avoiding alcohol and drugs) I hope and pray you can find that freedom and fulfillment you’re looking for.

 

[hatfullofrain]

One of my friends said that he was quite hot headed when he was younger and he started listening to gentle music when he got heated up and focussed on the music rather than what was making him angry.

He says it helped over time.

 

[Greatshield17]

One of my friends said that he was quite hot headed when he was younger and he started listening to gentle music when he got heated up and focussed on the music rather than what was making him angry.

He says it helped over time.

I do do things like that too, sometimes though it's hard; it's hard to make yourself having feelings of peace, or even joy when you're angry. Still, I've just got to keep trying, and keep at it.

 

[Greatshield17]

Our Lady of Cuapa, Queen of Peace, pray for me and remind me of your message!