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Being yelled at for food preferences @ work

The way the woman reacted: with screaming & yelling, was inappropriate regardless of whether we're discussing getting a round pizza, getting trousers hemmed or getting w root canal. If she could not prepare or provide round pizza, she could briefly explain her reasons & present other alternatives. Polite courteous communication is an obligation when working with others in any capacity. In order for a business to prosper, the working environment must run smoothly & efficiently & the staff members must be professional & competent. Failures in these areas can sink a business & have grave effects on its bottom line. I stopped shopping at one of the local grocery stores due to being caught in the middle of an awkward argument between some staff members arguing loudly over a shift change. I just wanted to pay for my groceries & get as far away from all of them as possible. They lost me as a customer that day & I'd bet I'm not the only one.
 
I didn't ask them to make a new one. I just ended up eating something else and had one of the other deli people give me food. I didn't do anything but state that the pizza wasn't round therefore I could not eat it and started to walk toward the otherside thinking she would just follow me and get me food from the cold case instead. Nope. She often bullies her way into everything. Management can't do anything they need the workers. I mean I work there too but you don't see me treating people like that?
 
Management CAN do something. It's a down economy & people are desperate for what work they can get. If they reprimand this woman or even just remind her of store policy & she quits in a huff, there's a line-up of unemployed & even underemployed people who will gladly replace her & do the job without the bullying.
 
Complain to her boss.
When I was a kid, I had to eat all of one type of food before starting on another.
To this day, I strongly prefer my pizza cut like a pie, instead of in squares, although I will eat squares in a pinch.
It harms no one but me. So it is not anyone's business.
 
Soup said:
Management CAN do something. It's a down economy & people are desperate for what work they can get. If they reprimand this woman or even just remind her of store policy & she quits in a huff, there's a line-up of unemployed & even underemployed people who will gladly replace her & do the job without the bullying.
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The last time they tried to do anything to her she complained to Osha about working conditions. She purposely falls at work to make workers comp pay for not to work .She is not a good person but until she retires or does something like steal she won't be fired. They are afraid of her. I am afraid of her. The other deli worker that I often talk to when i told her what happened told me to just ignore her stupid butt. It made me laugh.
 
Many "normals" would be upset at the way this woman acts and would not be willling or even able to eat due to their emotional upset and suppressed anger. Also, they would never go back to your store, maybe not even the brand name if it is a chain. If it is an employee cafeteria, those "normals" might find another job.

At my work there was a microwave and a refrigerator. We took our food every day and someone on another shift had a little franchise to sell the coffee; he got the money from the 'coffee club' which gave him a small amount of payment for taking care of the coffee pot, refrigerator, and he bought coffee supplies (coffee, paper cups, sugar, etc). I was amused sometimes and angry sometimes that I would get hassled because I would eat all the food in one dish of the plastic containers I brought before starting the next container. Then I started making my own casseroles, mixed ingredients but a proven recipe (?) in a single container; the same people hassled me because I had the ingredients all mixed together. I was able to change the time I had my lunch and began taking my lunch break after the others had returned to work. Later, changes in work assignments, it became possible to use a microwave in another break area and I worked and ate alone with no undesirable persons nearby.
 
Bullies use fear to get away with what they do. Until someone pushes back, they continue to be emboldened & wreak havoc. I doubt they're truly afraid f her unless...working conditions truly are substandard. Please document each & every incident & have her other targets do the same. There's strength in numbers & nobody is too powerful to not be brought down: certainly not some petty deli counter nazi. I had to fight bullying once right up to a lawsuit! They settled out of court in my favour. We Aspies (& others who are minoritized for any reason) need to stand up for ourselves more effectively or forever live with repeated incidents of abuse.
 
If she has a habit of being rude to other employees and they are willing to back you up, you might be able to talk to her manager (as a group). But it doesn't seem from what you have said that that is an option.

It seems to me that if I had such strong issues regarding food I would simply bring my own. I don't have very many food quirks and the things I am picky about I simply don't order out.

What concerns me, what I don't understand, is allowing oneself to be limited by these things. Perhaps it is my age and era showing, but back when I was younger there wasn't much tolerance for OCD and autistic-type quirks. One of the reasons I don't stim or have OCD behaviors was it was made very clear to me early on that if I persisted in such behaviors I would be institutionalized. This was no idle threat back then. It was a choice between such behaviors or being locked up. I had to choose which was more important to me. In the end I think that was actually a blessing in disguise because now I can go almost anywhere in almost any situation. This freedom to be flexible is very important to me and I can't understand why anyone would choose otherwise.
 
I don't feel its a choice, alot of people think its weird how picky i am about my food, but i feel sick if i see some foods. I have even thrown up when richard told me a story about ketchup once. My foods have to be seperate cause i am afraid of one food contaminating another. I don't know the reason behind some of the non taste or smell related issues with food, but there may be a real reason in their mind, it may sound illogical but its not like you suddenly decide "I think i am gonna refuse to eat things that are this way." It could simply be something like traditionally pizzas are round and so a square one may not seem like its a real pizza and it just may make a person uncomfortable. I may not understand that particular issue, but in a way i can definately feel how it could cause panic.
 
I just wanna cry. Its not like I do it to get attention or to be weird or whatever. I just... I can't explain why I needed it to be that way it just is. I have OCD issues too and I do my best not to let it interfere. But I do not eat out of the fridge at work. I don't trust it. You wouldn't either. So I get stuck. Yes i bring stuff from home from time to time but usually I eat at the deli in our store as most of the employees do its not weird. Now I feel weird because I do have food issues.
 
Pella said:
don't feel weird i have food issues too, and i know at least some other aspies do too.
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But I do feel bad. Its not like I wanted to cause trouble. I didn't want to make her life hard. I never asked her to redo the pizza. I never asked her to do anything but state that it wasn't round and I could therefore not eat it. I have issues with food and where and how food is stored. Its one reason why I cook at home because I don't worry about it but there are times when like at work that is not possible.
 
You didn't make her life hard, it sounds like she is making life hard for everyone around her and the company she works for.
 
Pella said:
You didn't make her life hard, it sounds like she is making life hard for everyone around her and the company she works for.
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Thanks. I just wish there was some way out of this you know? Like I feel like I am stirring up trouble. I want to just go back in time and never go back there to get anything. I should have just stayed up stairs before work and not said a word and stay away from her like I know I should. But I was hungry. Thanks for the support though :)
 
You have a right to live your life, and it sucks that you are made to feel like that. Its not like she was just like i am sorry that's all we have and you threw a fit and she was the one in tears. It sounds like she just bullies people including the bosses and that isn't okay. I am sorry that you have to go through this. I really wish I could be there and say something.

I remember a time when my uncle went and took my brother to get us all sandwhiches from subway. my uncle didn't know about my food issues, but my brother did, and when i saw they had brought back i was like i can't eat this, and i felt bad cause my uncle didn't know but i couldn't understand why my brother didn't say something. He had forgotten i guess. And I did throw a fit, I did cry, my uncle felt bad and he didn't understand, but i felt like everybody else gets to eat but i don't. And I did end up just getting something from the house, and i dealt with it. but in your case, even if you did throw a fit, its her job to be as polite as possible and inform you of the situation.

I remember when i was in training, they talked about how if a customer comes back to you upset, even if there is nothing you can do about it, you say things to indicate that you empathize, you do your best to try to make them feel better. It sounds like she shouldn't be working there.
 
I have worked with people and had neighbors who were and are loudmouth bullies who think they have a right to yell and swear at people. For some reason people seem to respect them, I don't know if they are afraid of them or if they actually admire them but it is crazy and I don't get it.

Many times I have ordered food or bought something and was disappointed that it was not what I expected but I just accept it and keep it to myself because I don't want to be a bother to anyone else but then I feel disgruntled for the rest of the day.

I really admire people who would just say "I don't eat square pizza" much like my grandson, when someone goes to shake his hand, says "I don't shake hands". I find it amusing and wish I could be more like that.
 
I'm not trying to be judgemental. I realize that this is not something one wakes up and says that they are going to do. It must be horrible to be like that. But what I am not hearing here is what are you trying to do to overcome this situation?

Again, this is probably my age showing, but I sense a certain defeatist attitude these days. The attitude that says, this is the way I am and I am not going to even try to attempt to change and the world is just going to have to adapt to me the way I am. And if it limits me, oh, well, that is the way I am. I think that is the one thing that holds us back more than anything else. I'm not picking on anyone personally, it's just that I see these things over and over, and I start to wonder. That wasn't the attitude when I was growing up. But then that was the Dark Ages.

It's sort of like all right, I have this problem with my hands but instead of seeking out help I just decided well, this is something I am going to have to live with and everyone around me is going to have to live with it too. I did not choose to get carpal tunnel or whatever it is but I am choosing to do something about it. I am choosing to do something about it because the consequences of not doing something about it are not consequences I want to face.

Please understand, I was raised in a different era with a different attitude where there were very real and unpleasant consequences. I have seen a lot of threads about anxiety on these forums but I have not seen any about FEAR. There is a difference. I don't see anyone here talking about being afraid, really, really being afraid, that they are going to lose their freedom if they can't or won't change. Back in my day institutionalization was a very, very real fear. If the powers that be chose to lock you up there wasn't anything you could do about it. No one that you could turn to.

Not only that, but in revealing these quirks, you also gave others power over you. Say I am that rude girl behind the counter. Now I know exactly where and how to push your buttons as far as food goes. And I know that you can't really do anything about it. So what am I going to do? I am going to mess up your pizza knowing you can't eat it unless it is round. Oh, so sorry, I forgot. Yes, these are the games that many people play. But what would happen if you simply said nothing and took it and walked away? Now she can't play that particular game with you. Why give these people power?
 
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