Being Hugged

[kbb0]

For me hugging does not come naturally. It is something I consciously do to show people I care about them. I guess it usually just feels awkward and uncomfortable to be touching someone for extended periods of time. The only time I like hugs are when I am in extreme emotional pain (like I'm sobbing), and even then only from very close friends and family. Other times it ranges from bearable to just plain uncomfortable.

 

[Acorn_Elf]

Since I was a small child I've disliked being hugged, I'm not sure why though. I guess it feels weird to me and feels as if I'm being suffocated. Recently I've started getting good at hugging certain family members who are overly...huggy. It's expected so I know I must deal with the unnatural feeling and hug family members so they feel like I care. Plus growing up I was always told "give your grandma a hug," so I do it even though I don't feel like it.

 

[HelzBelz]

My general observation is that many people with Asperger's don't like being hugged. I might be among the minority in this aspect, but I love being hugged. Being hugged means that someone loves me, cares about me and appreciates me; I need that. A lot. Same thing with being kissed by someone like my mother on the forehead (one of my biggest quirks is that I always ask her to take off her glasses whenever she hugs and kisses me, and the same for when I'm about to kiss her on the forehead myself).

I do experience moments where I want to be left alone, period - but in the general case I really love it when someone hugs me or kisses me (and by kisses I obviously don't mean romantically, I've never been interested in that type of kissing). I tend to not hug people myself though, but being hugged just reminds me of the fact that there are people out there who truly care about me. It's a blessing, you know.

I'm just curious though, what makes most Aspies not like being hugged?

I shy away from being hugged. I hug my kids out of parental obligation and to make THEM feel good. For me it's a huge rise in anxiety about someone in my personal space; I hold my breath when I'm hugged. It almost prickles all over - like that skin tension of hearing fingernails down the backboard. I don't instigate it as I get nothing positive out of it - it's not something that gives me 'warm fuzzies'. Although thinking about it, I LOVE lying on the couch with my head on a mans chest with his arm draped around my shoulders - not sure why that is comforting when hugs aren't. Gosh, I've been single too long... lol
Both my aspie kids love cuddles and seem to need them longer than other kids - like the benefits don't kick in for the first little while. I hold them close and after a while they physically relax and start breathing deeper - then I know they feel better and are ready to let go. Wow, I'm sounding so clinical while analyzing hugs! lol

 

[entropy4money]

I hate hugging people, or being hugged, specially when people smell like chemicals (make up and perfumes). However, I am very close with my wife and I love being hugged and kissed by her, and she says sometimes I am way too much. When something really bad happens, like if someone died, or I haven't seen a family member for a long long time, a hug does feel better, it is still a bit awkward, but I feel the emotions that come with it.

It is the social hug the one I can't stand. It feels fake and irrational to be hugging people around. And I feel that there is no point in doing so. Also I don't trust people, so I feel like they are just doing it because social rules tell them too and it isn't real. When my wife hugs me, it feels real. I honestly don't give a crap what other people think about me, so if they hug me, I get out of the hug as fast as I can, and that gives them the message I DON'T LIKE TO BE TOUCHED, so respect that. If they think I am an asshole, just because of that simple fact, then I don't need them as my friends.

Of course there are scenarios where you HAVE to be nice... well in that case I try to show that I don't like being touched as politely as I can, and it often works.

 

[unreality]

I love the idea of hugs and deep down want them but when it comes to actually doing it I just want to run away. I always avoid being touched and looked at. There probably a lot of reasons why, perhaps not all related to being HFA. For me most of the reason I think has to do with being severely bullied at school and at home, which made me afraid of people, always avoiding them.

 

[Alan tm]

I don’t hug , sometimes I get hugged but people who have tried generally don’t try again .
I think I act the part .
I admit at times when being held by my girlfriend i want to burst out laughing because it’s just so strange.
Laughing mid hug doesn’t go down well.
People hug .i just don’t get what they seem to get from it .
I haven’t hugged a family member for 30 years .

In my 20s I’d tell anyone who sat to close to me to move .
That used to cause problems.

 

[Butterfly88]

I don't like being hugged because I don't like the way it feels, it's a sensory thing. I love air hugs and virtual hugs though because that shows someone cares without them touching me.

 

[Voltaic]

I wince Every time someone touches me when I don't want or expect them to. I have to remind myself that it is alright, even though my anxiety alarms are going haywire. This is not always the case. There is nothing better than when my dog flops down on my for cuddles and scratches. Maybe because he is a dog, and he can't notice on being awkward or something, I can't tell why I am ok with it. I had a girlfriend in high school, (I know I barely belive it to). I thought I was being awkward and abysmal, but when she walked me in, she kissed me on the cheek. Any other situation involving touching in that manner would have been vergin on painful, but in that case, it was reassurance that I did a good job. I think, god I hope.

I went to a new years party (Why in the name of god did I do it, Why? ...why?) I was already freaking out, and a drunk family member noticed and tried to give me advice. Not the helpful stuff, just the catch phrases people use like 'just be yourself' and all the other things. He proceeded to cry about how he was never their for my family and hugged me multiple times, each time way, way to long, even for a normal person. I couldn't escape, I didn't want to hurt his feelings because he was already crying. On top of the lid music, people, and the flurry of movement and lights, even before he came to me I was overstimulated. By the forth hug I snapped. I pushed him away and everyone in between me and the exit. I didn't care it was freezing, or a thirty minute walk away from my destination, I just needed to go. I was frozen solid before I got to my cousins house. I walked in, pulled up a dog bed right next to the smouldering embers after I threw a log into the fireplace, and lied there listening to the crackles of the burning wood until they got back from the party. I couldn't think of any other situation I could feel more uncomfortable in then that.