Bad two days...

[VictorR]

Welcome! I like that you're into regular exercise for the mental health aspects.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

I am new here, and intrigued. Much of what is being shared is things that i have always dealt with, i called it outsider, being always on the outside looking in. Ive been cheated too, or taken advantage of may be more accurate. Before the pandemic i found support in a spiritual community. We dont meet anymore, but i still have a few fone friends. That changes everything, support does. On the delay issue i think thats what the journal is supposed to be for, i havnt yet made it a proper habit

 

[OkRad]

I am new here, and intrigued. Much of what is being shared is things that i have always dealt with, i called it outsider, being always on the outside looking in. Ive been cheated too, or taken advantage of may be more accurate. Before the pandemic i found support in a spiritual community. We dont meet anymore, but i still have a few fone friends. That changes everything, support does. On the delay issue i think thats what the journal is supposed to be for, i havnt yet made it a proper habit

Just to add----you will be surprised how many of us have been taken advantage of, abused, and hurt. Lots of studies on Aspies being quite innocent in many ways.

And yes, before the pandemic there was lots of support. I went to some churches ---but now? All the marquees say, "ALL EVENTS CANCELLED." Good thing Jesus was not around in a pandemic. "Resurrection CANCELLED. Salvations pending."

And if you try to contact most of them, crickets chirping.

I will be a little more reticent to believe all the lovey care professed in some of the churches I went to . Others never leaned into that as much (sacerdotal churches like Catholic and Episcopalians........all of it's been somewhat confusing.

Anyway, glad you are here. Lots of people here with similar experiences........

 

[sotto voce]

Thank you for the comments and for the welcoming.

 

[sotto voce]

Welcome! I like that you're into regular exercise for the mental health aspects.

It is the release of endorphin hormones that provide me with a sense of well-being. I sometimes, midway in exercise, can notice when the effect starts. Years ago a psychiatrist once asked me how far into biking I felt that sense of rightness and well-being. It was an unexpected question and I guessed 15 or 20 miles into a ride. (I used to ride long distances with a club.) I don't ride 80 or 100 miles a day any more (ha!) but I do need a workout. I'd say it's healthy and it certainly helps alleviate the need to take anti-depressants and major tranquilizers. Yesterday we walked briskly for an hour twenty and I slept pretty well.

 

[WolfSpirit]

Thank you. I did read it and will reread it. I am not sure how self-esteem comes from those around us - I am chewing on that. I do know that changes are rough to deal with, that I am more vulnerable during those times, and a sturdy belief in myself would be so nice to have.

I'm going to guess that by "self-esteem comes from around us" means that how we feel about ourselves is greatly influenced by how others treat us, especially when we're children, and growing up. If people constantly berate us and tell us we're not good enough, or 'broken', or 'defective', (as so many of us grow up being told), then we eventually believe it. And it is very difficult to change these beliefs once they've been drilled into us. If people treat us well, and think we are valuable and worthwhile (btw, everyone is, but not everyone is appreciated for who they are), then we internalize this and come to believe it too. And our beliefs can be changed by how other people treat us. Under enough inundation of either 'side of the coin' so to speak, (not that there are only two 'sides', there is a middle ground too.) then we will eventually start to believe what we are being told.

It is sooo much harder to change our self-opinion to positive than it is to negative, however!

Also, we do have a certain responsibility to ourselves with regard to how we feel and how we think about ourselves. What we tell ourselves in our our own heads and thinking matters. It matters a lot. If we're only telling ourselves bad stuff about ourselves, we'll never believe it when we're told good stuff by other people. But if we never have the validation from other people, about our own worth, then we'll also have a hard time believing anything good about ourselves. (of course, there are people who think too much of themselves, without enough of a reality check, but that's another issue.) The key is balance, and a certain amount of a 'reality check'. Sometimes we really need to 'get out of our own head's, and have someone else's feedback. (hopefully realistic, and not entirely negative.) I certainly did today. (and was able to find a friend, in person. Which lead to me being able to succeed at registering here.)

 

[WolfSpirit]

I am really grateful for your and others' feedback. I've been living in a vacuum for so long, I can't quite take in the support. You are spot on in describing a delay in processing. There are levels to that, and some things I don't figure out for months. Then I react and everyone else has moved on. This makes me feel ashamed of myself and angry too.

I don't know how NT my partner is but he has and gets more support, just with his family, for starters. They are so insular and unneedy, and "tolerate" me for his sake.

Again, thanks you guys for welcoming me.

Well, don't worry, if this place is anything like my former autistic community was, people will remember when you finally figure it all out, and join in with you, and not make you feel weird for it at all! I often have trouble finding the words for experiences (depending on how stressed I am and how many other things I'm doing, or have on my mind), and may not figure it out for days, or weeks, or longer. Thankfully, the people around me that I talk to (or 'talk' to) understand that that's part of autism, and understand autism, and are supportive. (Family's another matter, but it's a lot better than it used to be.)

 

[WolfSpirit]

Actually I do agree with you. However, I am outside a lot: gardening, walking, jogging, riding my bike, and so I am a bit hard to ignore, since most people in this neighborhood are retired and are not as physically active. I am not trying to 'make a statement' to anyone, since I discovered the mood benefits of exercise after I left home at age 18 and so do it for myself.

Just so you know, my mom's a lot like you in this sense (though she's NT), and she has a hard time relating to a number of the people in her social group, because they are not as into being active as she is. Especially now, in COVID, where sitting in a coffee shop, or in someone else's home, or whatever, isn't really such an option. (or at all, depending on the restrictions where you live, and what the infection numbers are where you live, etc.). She joined a walking group several years ago, after she retired, but even them, she sometimes has a hard time relating to because of, well, various things, actually. Not all of which are perhaps, relevant here.)