@Esa:
I agree with you, you explained my thoughts perfectly. Lying and being mean to people worries me, it feels like i will be punished by something/someone even if no one understands that i am lying. I want to have a clear conscience.
I am also not good with saying negative things to people, or upsetting someone. I almost feel like i have to confess and repent for it whenever i upset someone even.
I also empathize (idk if this is the right word?) with your situation. I am sorry you are dealing with loss of an important person, in a way i am too.
It seems to me that most people do not consider the consequences of their actions, whether it would hurt people or not. And people do not consider making a connection with someone an important thing. Whereas to me it is very important, because i never had so many people around me that i could connect. When i connect with someone i am always very careful to not hurt them.
But some people, despite having better social skills just do not put an effort to relationships.
Also regarding your last point, i also see this as a major barrier to me having my own business (i am a lawyer) there are so many two faced people, too many social manuveuring and lying and manipulation involved when you deal with clients directly.
I would much prefer doing research and writing legal documents after someone else decides what to do in a situation.