Autism and Change

[bssampl32]

Hello,

My name is Brittany. I'm self diagnosed with Autism. I don't have low support needs, but they aren't high either. I have my husband who assists me with communicating effectively and handling emotional outbursts.

I have two children. One who us 11. She is very independent, sees things in a very black and white manner is likely your more traditional type of Autism spectrum, but then I have an 8 year old boy who I suspect has issues with ADHD and Autism. He gets very overwhelmed with change. We've done very well helping him adapt to day to day changes and he can handle most of them without much upset. This isn't ideal to me, because I don't handle change well either and I don't want him masking his discomfort, but then comes soccer. He wants to play, but each new season means a new coach and with each new coach comes a new type of training and new changes to the "rules".

Since my son sees soccer as a game, he doesn't understand why soccer practice has changing rules. He really wants to do it, but I am so overwhelmed by his emotional outbursts that soccer has become a very negative thing for me. It's already loud and hot, but then we add him being stressed out and I really want to leave.

Today, his coach asked that they pass three times before scoring. Jeremiah didn't understand why he couldn't just score. Being self assessed, I don't feel comfortable explaining to the coach why Jeremiah has major issues with this change. I can understand the logic from the coach (he wants them to learn to pass) and the logic from my son (he wants to follow the rules), but I don't know how to explain to him that the rules change during practice. I've told him that, but he still doesn't get it. Please help.

 

[VictorR]

Hello and welcome!

Have you tried explaining things using a social story perhaps?

 

[bssampl32]

Hello and welcome!

Have you tried explaining things using a social story perhaps?

I have not. How does this work. Do you know of any resources I can reference regarding social stories?

 

[Orange Glasses]

Here is a link to one of Carol Gray’s Social Stories (tm) books.

The New Social Story Book, Revised and Expanded 15th Anniversary Edition: Over 150 Social Stories that Teach Everyday Social Skills to Children and Adults with Autism and their Peers: Gray, Carol: 9781941765166: Amazon.com: Books

The New Social Story Book, Revised and Expanded 15th Anniversary Edition: Over 150 Social Stories that Teach Everyday Social Skills to Children and Adults with Autism and their Peers [Gray, Carol] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The New Social Story Book, Revised and...

www.amazon.com

I would also search out Dr Tony Attwood on Amazon as well as YouTube where he has numerous videos that may assist you. I would also check Dr Attwood’s Facebook page as he posts weekly about helpful topics and upcoming online seminars.

The above should get you started.

 

[bssampl32]

Here is a link to one of Carol Gray’s Social Stories (tm) books.

The New Social Story Book, Revised and Expanded 15th Anniversary Edition: Over 150 Social Stories that Teach Everyday Social Skills to Children and Adults with Autism and their Peers: Gray, Carol: 9781941765166: Amazon.com: Books

The New Social Story Book, Revised and Expanded 15th Anniversary Edition: Over 150 Social Stories that Teach Everyday Social Skills to Children and Adults with Autism and their Peers [Gray, Carol] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The New Social Story Book, Revised and...

www.amazon.com

I would also search out Dr Tony Attwood on Amazon as well as YouTube where he has numerous videos that may assist you. I would also check Dr Attwood’s Facebook page as he posts weekly about helpful topics and upcoming online seminars.

The above should get you started.

Thank you so much!

 

[Nervous Rex]

It may help to explain to him that winning isn't the only goal. Some people play for the fun of playing.

I am in my 50s and when I play a game I still have to remind myself that the game is a social activity, that I shouldn't try to win at all costs, and that it's okay if I lose. If I don't consciously tell myself that, then I will get hyper-focused on game rules and analyzing strategies. My default goal is "optimize my performance in the game" and I have to consciously choose otherwise.

By asking that the ball be passed around before scoring the coach is doing (at least) two things:

1) Letting more players to get involved in playing.
2) Encouraging teamwork in the team. This both fosters social connection and makes the team better able to handle more challenging teams later.

Overall, your son needs to learn that different people have different goals. Some coaches only want to win. Some just want to the kids to have fun. Some want to teach teamwork and build character.

You can start by talking about how there are many different goals there are in a game - not just winning - and how different people have different goals. Then you can expand it to other situations. In general, it would be a good practice to talk to your son about people's motivations in many different circumstances e.g. Why did the Walmart greeter say hi to us? Why do you think that person is driving so carefully? etc. - watch for everyday actions around you and discuss them. When your son learns to watch for people's motivations, he will be much better prepared for many other life situations, less naïve, and more able to interact with others.

 

[Nervous Rex]

It may also help to explain to your son that getting better at playing soccer means learning new things.

You don't spend all of 3rd grade repeating what you learned in 2nd grade - you take what you already learned and add to it.

You could illustrate this by watching a soccer game on TV (or a video clip) and asking if he thinks his team could beat one of those teams. Ask him how many new things he thinks those teams had to learn to get as good as they are.

Place emphasis on the fact that the game rules don't change, but how you play the game - your skills and strategies - do change if you want to get better. The coach isn't teaching new rules, just new skills and strategies.

 

[Matthias]

Avoiding problems tends to make them worse. The best way to help him deal with change is to expose him to change more often. He will eventually get used to it and realize it's not a big deal.