Aspies and lying

[Sportster]

. . .

 

[Ste11aeres]

I think that was an exaggeration.
Perhaps based on the fact that we sometimes bluntly state truths when it is socially unnacceptable to do so. ( He's not! - Sherlock BBC - YouTube)

 

[Peace]

No, I lie like a rug.
Just kidding (funny huh?), but seriously I can lie with the best of them if I choose.
For the record, I choose not to. There is no reason to when telling the truth is so much more interesting and freeing.

 

[Kelly]

I can lie very well I just don't like to do it and so very rarely do unless I have no other choice.

For example my daughter signed up to do a musical workshop during summer break so she doesn't get so bored with 6 weeks of no school. Then my mum and niece decide they are going to visit, only week they can do is the week of the workshop. We've already paid for the workshop and the principal is an absolute pain in the butt who hates us and will not do us any favours. So to get her out of it and get us our money back I had to come up with an airtight plan/lie, which is to say a few days beforehand that a relative has died and we need to go north to help arrange the funeral/attend it. I will ask for a refund (all of this via email) she will say no and spout some nonsense about how it states you can't just cancel/get your money back etc etc(even though it doesn't... I checked). I will not reply and then post on her facebook page that I haven't gotten a reply to her email but could we please get a refund as a death in the family is a bit of different circumstance to just not wanting to do it and it's a big sum of money. If she refuses publicly she will look like such a nasty person and image is everything to this woman. If she does however still refuse to refund I'm going to ask one of the little one's friends to take her place,we've paid for it so someone may as well have a week long workshop.

Now I wouldn't normally lie like that but as I said this woman is just nasty(she's had me in tears many a time) so I'm able to do it. I can't lie to my loved ones at all, if I try I just start stuttering and fidgeting and it's just so obvious that I am trying to lie.

 

[Peace]

This is not a lie Kelly, it is an adjustment.

I can lie very well I just don't like to do it and so very rarely do unless I have no other choice.

For example my daughter signed up to do a musical workshop during summer break so she doesn't get so bored with 6 weeks of no school. Then my mum and niece decide they are going to visit, only week they can do is the week of the workshop. We've already paid for the workshop and the principal is an absolute pain in the butt who hates us and will not do us any favours. So to get her out of it and get us our money back I had to come up with an airtight plan/lie, which is to say a few days beforehand that a relative has died and we need to go north to help arrange the funeral/attend it. I will ask for a refund (all of this via email) she will say no and spout some nonsense about how it states you can't just cancel/get your money back etc etc(even though it doesn't... I checked). I will not reply and then post on her facebook page that I haven't gotten a reply to her email but could we please get a refund as a death in the family is a bit of different circumstance to just not wanting to do it and it's a big sum of money. If she refuses publicly she will look like such a nasty person and image is everything to this woman. If she does however still refuse to refund I'm going to ask one of the little one's friends to take her place,we've paid for it so someone may as well have a week long workshop.

Now I wouldn't normally lie like that but as I said this woman is just nasty(she's had me in tears many a time) so I'm able to do it. I can't lie to my loved ones at all, if I try I just start stuttering and fidgeting and it's just so obvious that I am trying to lie.

 

[jimited]

I have lied before but it makes me sooo uncomfortable and uneasy and I'm sure people always know if I'm not telling the truth so I mostly always tell the truth, but if I have to lie I will.

 

[pjcnet]

I am a very bad liar and I'm generally a very honest person anyway. The worse scenario is when someone asks me to lie for them as it puts me in a very difficult situation. I absolutely hate being asked to do that as I often end up giving them away and then I find myself in the middle of their argument while also being criticised by the person for dropping them in it. Often it could be something quite small like just lying on the phone about a person's whereabouts when the person is in fact sitting with me, but wants to avoid talking to the caller at the time. If I'm lucky I might just about get away with a very short phone call, but if the call becomes more in depth or if I have to lie face to face I have hardly any chance, also at a later date I can often forget the lie in a later conversation dropping them in it, E.g. I could come out with something like, "Pete showed me a new perk on Black Ops II yesterday" when I lyed to say Pete was out fishing with his brother all day for instance. Also often the smallest of lies can escalate into bigger and bigger lies to cover up the original or previous lie which can get ridiculously out of hand, but I'd normally slip up or be seen right through before it got to that stage anyway and I certainly wouldn't have any chance what-so-ever in coping with / covering up complex linked lies such as this. People can usually just tell if I'm lying as I feel very uncomfortable which gives me away and I have even less chance of getting away with it with anyone who knows me so there's little point in trying. I now just have to tell people straight up that I simply cannot get away with lying if asked to do so, the person might be a bit annoyed, but it's better than agreeing and dropping them in it.

 

[Neat Hedgehog]

I can lie about pretty much anything with no problem if I see no reason why I shouldn't. I don't show any of the usual signs of lying, either, like looking away, talking low, or repeating questions. Actually, if I'm lying, I tend to stare into the other person's eyes as "hard" as possible until they look away. In primitive body language, looking away first means they "lost," so because I held the "dominant" side of the conversation they are more likely to believe what I have said and less likely to question it later.

My friend thinks I'm a terrible liar, which is funny. I have never actually lied to him about anything serious, so he doesn't have any way of knowing. Usually he is just being a dork and I'm trying to come up with something to say so he'll stop giving me the business, I don't care whether he knows I'm "lying" or not we're just screwing around.

You'd think I'd do it more to get myself out of trouble since I'm good at it, but that is, strangely enough, one of the scenarios where I will not lie even if it means getting in more trouble by telling the truth. I will attempt to avoid getting in trouble in the first place, but apparently I figure that once you've been "caught" then it's only fair to play it straight. I didn't even try to lie about how fast I was going when I got pulled over a couple times for speeding.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I can lie about pretty much anything with no problem if I see no reason why I shouldn't. I don't show any of the usual signs of lying, either, like looking away, talking low, or repeating questions. Actually, if I'm lying, I tend to stare into the other person's eyes as "hard" as possible until they look away. In primitive body language, looking away first means they "lost," so because I held the "dominant" side of the conversation they are more likely to believe what I have said and less likely to question it later.

Actually, staring extra hard is a sign of lying.
Different people have different body-language signs of lying.

 

[Neat Hedgehog]

Actually, staring extra hard is a sign of lying.
Different people have different body-language signs of lying.

It can be, but I have found it to be far less common. Most people I have had experience with will look away as much as possible when lying. Lying tends to make people uncomfortable, and they do not feel secure enough to look you in the eyes unless they are very practiced.

 

[Ste11aeres]

It can be, but I have found it to be far less common. Most people I have had experience with will look away as much as possible when lying. Lying tends to make people uncomfortable, and they do not feel secure enough to look you in the eyes unless they are very practiced.

It probably has a lot to do with whether they A. didn't want to lie, and feel forced into it... or B. lied as the result of a very deliberated choice.

Also, sometimes people don't really care if they deceive you or not. Some "social" lies are like that. Someone might say "Oh I'm really busy so I can't go on a date anytime soon." but they want you to know that they really meant "I don't like you enough to go out with you."

 

[Sylar]

I'd admit I'm a great liar, unless it's when I'm put on the spot, in which my mind goes blank. But that happens any time I'm put on the spot so...

 

[Ste11aeres]

It can be, but I have found it to be far less common. Most people I have had experience with will look away as much as possible when lying. Lying tends to make people uncomfortable, and they do not feel secure enough to look you in the eyes unless they are very practiced.

A sign of lying is really when someone's body/facial language deviates from whatever is the norm for that particular person.
Although, such a deviation doesn't necessarily indicate a lie. It could mean many things, some of which might not have anything to do with the conversation they're engaged in. (their mind could be on something totally different like "Dang! just realized I forgot to feed my dog this morning..." or "I hope my dad doesn't call again"..."Did I leave the coffee maker on?")

 

[Sylar]

A sign of lying is really when someone's body/facial language deviates from whatever is the norm for that particular person.

That could mean some Aspies could potentially be some of the best liars. For example my facial expression doesn't really change with any emotion.

 

[Pella]

When i lie, i feel super guilty, i feel like everyone knows, and even if I am successful at it, i usually end up telling the truth. Sometimes it doesn't seem appropriate to tell the truth at the time, like in front of people, and it is too personal. So then later i might clarify with one of the people who was there. Also, it is really hard to keep the details of the lies straight. I see on facebook aspie awareness groups, parents complaining about how their little aspie kid lies all the time. I think that is probably because they are seeing people lying all the time, so when mom says lying is bad, but then tells a white lie, it is confusing for the kid and the rule just doesn't make sense, If i as an adult have trouble telling the difference between lies that are ok and lies that aren't, for a kid, I imagine it would be impossible.

 

[asnlifecoach]

That could mean some Aspies could potentially be some of the best liars. For example my facial expression doesn't really change with any emotion.

A natural poker face!

 

[total-recoil]

This happens to me and I feel it's correct. For example, something like being asked to sign a document to the effect I believe in God to acquire a visa is something I can't do. I can't simply misrepresent myself. I dislike dishonesty and, even worse, I have little tolerance for sacrificing principles for an easy life. However, all of this refers to important principles, not common sense fibs. For example, if a girl has had her hair done and I don't like it, usually I will lie and say, sure, her hair looks great.
Once I was applying for a job via an online recruitment exam and one question directed to me was: "Have you ever known a thief?" I replied, yes. At that point the recruitment program ended, a pop-up message thanked me for applying but regretted I had been unsuccessful. I did actually kind of short circuit and got very worked up and angry. Angry because this was like the pinacle of hypocrisy because we have all known a thief at some time and logic dictates this is not the same as being a thief. Why tell a blatant lie we all know is a lie just to get employed?
Maybe this makes sense in addressing the question.

I can?t recall where, but I read an article once that Aspies cannot lie or will have serious problems if they do lie. If memory serves right, but I think it alluded to something to the effect that the ?Aspie brain short circuits if/when a lie has been told.? Has anyone heard or experienced such a thing?

 

[SUM1]

Yes sometimes I do lie, and sometimes I turn out to be quite good at it.

 

[asnlifecoach]

The best liars in life are usually the ones who truly believe what they are saying...so are they truly liars? hmmmm Lol

 

[Thesaurusrex]

I wouldn't say short circuiting is the right term, but I am definitely a terrible liar. I don't like to lie and I'm not very good at it (self sabotage? lol). If somebody asks me to lie for them it makes me extreeemely uncomfortable because I just know it will end up with somebody being angry at me! :help: