Aspie Women & Masculine Brains

[Ylva]

I always preferred hanging out with guys, back when I enjoyed hanging out at all. At the time I thought it had something to do with guys just being naturally more direct, but now I think it has more to do with the fact that we were technocally from different (sub)cultures. They don't hold me to societal standards because I'm hanging out as a friend, not as a date, and they aren't girls so they don't know how to hang out with me in a way that forces stereotypical female traits on me in the same way girls do. I suspect it is vice versa for guys hanging out with girls. If you're a guy, your female friends can't force you to be a guy in the same way your male friends can.

 

[Katleya]

I did not realize that apparently most people actually strongly or naturally identify with a particular gender. I don't have a strong natural identification with either - I just knew that my biological sex was female, and so I learned how to act and look like one.

OK, wait, I have to ask, and I almost feel stupid asking such a question at my age... this is how it is for most people? I just thought, well, I don't know what I thought, I suppose I just took at face value that I was a girl, and then a woman, based on anatomy and that was it. I didn't know you were supposed to feel it, too. My mind is kind of blown right now, for some reason this feels like a major discovery, to me. And that is very odd, because I made a friend in the hospital a few years back (the only good thing that came out of my unfortunate encounters with psychiatry), who identified back then as a lesbian, and wanted to erase any sign of femininity she showed, and reach a more neutral status. That, on the other hand, was information I could totally understand, even though I didn't relate.
I'm really confused. I think I need a few of you to explain those concepts to me, they sound so... new? And I'd be happy to hear opinions from the gender neutral members and trans as well, please.

 

[Ylva]

OK, wait, I have to ask, and I almost feel stupid asking such a question at my age... this is how it is for most people? I just thought, well, I don't know what I thought, I suppose I just took at face value that I was a girl, and then a woman, based on anatomy and that was it. I didn't know you were supposed to feel it, too. My mind is kind of blown right now, for some reason this feels like a major discovery, to me. And that is very odd, because I made a friend in the hospital a few years back (the only good thing that came out of my unfortunate encounters with psychiatry), who identified back then as a lesbian, and wanted to erase any sign of femininity she showed, and reach a more neutral status. That, on the other hand, was information I could totally understand, even though I didn't relate.
I'm really confused. I think I need a few of you to explain those concepts to me, they sound so... new? And I'd be happy to hear opinions from the gender neutral members and trans as well, please.

Sounds like you are agender. That's great! Me too. *waves*

Other people say they identify as a gender, sometimes different genders from day to day. I have no idea how that feels. I never cared if I was a boy or a girl. I don't "feel" agender, I just don't feel like any gender.

The children's novel George does a good job of explaining about gender feels.

It does not affect your sexuality. You can be agender and attracted to any gender – or no gender at all. If it's the latter it's called asexual, or ace for short.

 

[Katleya]

Oh. That's something completely new. It's fascinating. Thank you for introducing me to the topic, I have a feeling I'll be doing a lot of reading in the next few days/weeks/months.
Cue terrible joke: I can't wait to tell my boyfriend, he thought nothing could top the news of Asperger's.

Yes, I guess I don't feel any gender either, unless I'm reminded to stay in my lane. I guess I just feel like some kind of being, with an outer envelope, and that's it, but my mind is its own person that does not care about this type of identity.

 

[SusanLR]

Yes, I guess I don't feel any gender either, unless I'm reminded to stay in my lane. I guess I just feel like some kind of being, with an outer envelope, and that's it, but my mind is it's own person that does not care about this type of identity

Yes, that's what I mean by a neutral world. Agender is a rather new word for me. I was asked today about how I feel when I say asexual or think more like the guys. Does that mean you are attracted to same sex, both, or none? He asked. Then he ask if I could explain why I say I feel inside more like a male and that's hard to explain.
I just said I never fit in with women. They talk mostly about the latest styles, clothes, shoes, make-up, what's en vogue. It all seems so pretense. Their latest escapades with some man, jealousy, or later in life their high maternal instincts. (something I never felt so I can't relate.)
Men don't talk about those things so much. They tend to talk more about worldly issues, stratagies, and some even like to talk about science and medical subjects or paranormal. Things I like to talk about. They don't seem so pretending or worrying about acting a certain way (unless it is needed for their jobs). Some do like to talk about their latest female sex-capade. Again can't relate there. But, the choice of being more myself between the two, I usually choose the guys. That's the only way I could explain it to him.
So there's some explainations on my inner feelings of just being me.

 

[Alaska]

I feel female. Some guys have told me I give off a very strong feminine vibe. I have also been told that I, "think like a man", whatever that means.

I am not that familiar with females talking about shoes, makeup, etc. because I do not like to hang out with groups, either male or female. I much prefer one on one and do my best to go for this.

When I get one on one, I usually end up having serious discussions that are probably gender neutral. I have been working on improving my small talk abilities, but have a ways to go. People often comment on just talking with me about more serious stuff. They mostly do not seem to be critical of it, but seem as if it makes them tired or something. I do not exactly understand it yet.

I wear mostly skirts and dresses, but rarely wear makeup. I generally stick to comfortable shoes and never wear high heels.

I do not seem to fit into stereotypes very well. People often comment on this as if it makes them puzzled or uncomfortable. This used to bother me, but I decided to stop being bothered by it.

 

[WereBear]

I just said I never fit in with women. They talk mostly about the latest styles, clothes, shoes, make-up, what's en vogue. It all seems so pretense. Their latest escapades with some man, jealousy, or later in life their high maternal instincts. (something I never felt so I can't relate.)

I find that to be more cultural than "natural." I self-identified as "a girl" without hesitation; I regarded the notion that all girls had to be the same as an example of pointless stupidity that I rebelled against. And I was attracted to men; before I even knew what attraction was. LOL!

I felt that me not fitting into a rigid gender role was the fault of the rigid gender role.

 

[Ambi]

OK, wait, I have to ask, and I almost feel stupid asking such a question at my age... this is how it is for most people? I just thought, well, I don't know what I thought, I suppose I just took at face value that I was a girl, and then a woman, based on anatomy and that was it. I didn't know you were supposed to feel it, too. My mind is kind of blown right now, for some reason this feels like a major discovery, to me. And that is very odd, because I made a friend in the hospital a few years back (the only good thing that came out of my unfortunate encounters with psychiatry), who identified back then as a lesbian, and wanted to erase any sign of femininity she showed, and reach a more neutral status. That, on the other hand, was information I could totally understand, even though I didn't relate.
I'm really confused. I think I need a few of you to explain those concepts to me, they sound so... new? And I'd be happy to hear opinions from the gender neutral members and trans as well, please.

So - I should take that back - I am not actually sure! I'm only basing that one transgender stories I have heard, where the person so strongly identifies as one gender vs. the other - that made me think that perhaps other people feel very strongly identified with a particular gender. But it is possible that that sense is elevated when gender dysphoria is present. I should say, I guess, *perhaps* other people identify with their gender more strongly, but I'm not sure. I just wondered if that's why women can seem so stereotypically girly, especially in groups.....but now, I am realizing, that could just be an NT thing. That may be why I'm not relating to that. If that is the case, I feel like being an aspie simply frees me up from a lot of societal expectations, enabling me to just me more of an individual.

Going back to the male-ish brain thing, though.....I wonder if that's why I never went through a phase when I was obsessed with having babies? Who knows? I really appreciate this topic being brought up though, because I am actually now noticing aspects of myself that are quite female associated - maybe? But it's just not in the stereotypical ways, necessarily, not overtly super girly. But in terms of nurturing, caring, that kind of thing. Maybe. I don't know, lol! It's interesting to think about, though

 

[Ambi]

I do not seem to fit into stereotypes very well. People often comment on this as if it makes them puzzled or uncomfortable. This used to bother me, but I decided to stop being bothered by it.

Yes - people seem bothered when they can't fit me in a box - not with regard to gender, but in a lot of other ways. But I think I find it more annoying when they go ahead and try to fit me in a box anyway, oversimplifying and mis-categorizing me!

 

[WereBear]

I wonder if that's why I never went through a phase when I was obsessed with having babies? Who knows? I really appreciate this topic being brought up though, because I am actually now noticing aspects of myself that are quite female associated - maybe? But it's just not in the stereotypical ways, necessarily, not overtly super girly. But in terms of nurturing, caring, that kind of thing. Maybe. I don't know, lol! It's interesting to think about, though

I never wanted children, either, which I attributed to being the oldest child, and a girl, and having to basically act as a housewife without any of the autonomy; a classic "responsibility without the power" situation. I figured it had burned me out on it. Besides which, I found the constant demands of small children would literally wear me out mentally and I knew it would be a struggle to try to do the typical mother thing; a job AND taking care of the house AND run all the errands AND do all the raising of the kids. At least, that is what I saw around me, growing up, and it did not appeal.

Don't think it has anything to do with Aspieness, actually; too many NTs, when given the same look at things, will also choose that way. And I'm plenty nurturing... only with adults and pets.

Children, I like them and get along with them... but they are so darn immature!

 

[Darius]

OK, wait, I have to ask, and I almost feel stupid asking such a question at my age... this is how it is for most people? I just thought, well, I don't know what I thought, I suppose I just took at face value that I was a girl, and then a woman, based on anatomy and that was it. I didn't know you were supposed to feel it, too. My mind is kind of blown right now, for some reason this feels like a major discovery, to me. And that is very odd, because I made a friend in the hospital a few years back (the only good thing that came out of my unfortunate encounters with psychiatry), who identified back then as a lesbian, and wanted to erase any sign of femininity she showed, and reach a more neutral status. That, on the other hand, was information I could totally understand, even though I didn't relate.
I'm really confused. I think I need a few of you to explain those concepts to me, they sound so... new? And I'd be happy to hear opinions from the gender neutral members and trans as well, please.

I don't know how it's for most people. I heard that cisgender people don't know what it means to be "a woman" or "a man".

In the past I was refuted by the binary, I was "in between", "none" etc. I knew that I'm "not a woman". I just wanted to be treated as a person. And I had enough of talking-to-a-girl stuff. I got into feminism. For years I have suffered as a woman, even I-don't-give-a-damn-feminist. In the end when it took some serious and objective analysis without other people's preconceptions, everything started to fit. I'm a (transsexual)guy. But I don't know what it means to be "a woman" or "a man". It's just a knowledge and it feels right.

I just said I never fit in with women. They talk mostly about the latest styles, clothes, shoes, make-up, what's en vogue. It all seems so pretense. Their latest escapades with some man, jealousy, or later in life their high maternal instincts. (something I never felt so I can't relate.)
Men don't talk about those things so much. They tend to talk more about worldly issues, stratagies, and some even like to talk about science and medical subjects or paranormal. Things I like to talk about. They don't seem so pretending or worrying about acting a certain way (unless it is needed for their jobs). Some do like to talk about their latest female sex-capade. Again can't relate there. But, the choice of being more myself between the two, I usually choose the guys. That's the only way I could explain it to him.
So there's some explainations on my inner feelings of just being me.

No, that's just a generalisation. There are plenty of ladies who talk about politics, global issues, video games, computers, science, etc. The "makeup" vs "science" are just gender stereotypes. How about engaging in a serious talk on a lady's blog? Plenty of that online.

 

[isthisreallife]

Girls who are autistic have more 'masculine' brains, scientists claim | Daily Mail Online
extreme male brain theory of autism – Woman With Asperger's

I'm exactly the same. I hung out with boys, played sports, got mistaken for being a boy more times than I can count. Everything I've found through researching has indicated that it is a common occurrence for females on the spectrum.

I find these articles to be fascinating and make a lot of sense. As far as gender identity goes, I refer to myself as a gender non-conforming woman. I’ve dealt with gender policing most of my life. I preferred hanging out with men and masculine women throughout the years. My thought processes are often like that of a man’s. Even now, I don’t feel like I relate to most women except on a physical level and having certain emotions.
I commented on a video a while back and mentioned I was tomboyish. A guy asked why would a straight woman want to act like a man? I was taken aback, so I didn't respond. It’s not like I just woke up one day and decided to act like a man... I don't know. Now, I'm wondering if it's the high testosterone or Aspergers or both as the reason of not fitting in.

 

[Ambi]

I never wanted children, either, which I attributed to being the oldest child, and a girl, and having to basically act as a housewife without any of the autonomy; a classic "responsibility without the power" situation. I figured it had burned me out on it. Besides which, I found the constant demands of small children would literally wear me out mentally and I knew it would be a struggle to try to do the typical mother thing; a job AND taking care of the house AND run all the errands AND do all the raising of the kids. At least, that is what I saw around me, growing up, and it did not appeal.

Don't think it has anything to do with Aspieness, actually; too many NTs, when given the same look at things, will also choose that way. And I'm plenty nurturing... only with adults and pets.

Children, I like them and get along with them... but they are so darn immature!

All of those reasons are perfectly logical - but I've heard that many women have this completely irrational, biological urge to have children. It seems very primal/instinctual/hormonal. That's the part I never had. I know a lot of women feel very upset about not having kids....but I just don't really feel those strong desires! If they happen, they happen - but I definitely don't relate to this period many women go through where they want them very badly, and it is very painful for them if they can't have them. It's such a sensitive subject that I have no idea how to "sensitively" respond to, so I totally avoid all of that when possible.

 

[Ambi]

I don't know how it's for most people. I heard that cisgender people don't know what it means to be "a woman" or "a man".

Well this helps clear things up for me - thank you for sharing that.

 

[Katleya]

I just came across this a few minutes ago (took a couple of tests already, definitely will be taking some more), and it might be interesting regarding the topic. Harvard University has designed a tool to determine people's level of prejudice, using a series of tests of implicit association, e.g. do you consider science to be a male thing and arts to be a female thing, etc.

They have the oddest warning I've ever seen, about the fact that the test-taker may not like the results.

After taking a few, I'd say more than bias, it showed how poorly I can distinguish my left hand from my right hand, so yes, those of you who intend to give it a shot, even just for fun, might want to keep in mind that these were most likely designed by NTs for NTs.

Here is the link: Take a Test

 

[SusanLR]

Just took it and it says I have prejudices in jobs/promotions, medical treatment, and criminal justice.

 

[SusanLR]

I don't know how it's for most people. I heard that cisgender people don't know what it means to be "a woman" or "a man".

In the past I was refuted by the binary, I was "in between", "none" etc. I knew that I'm "not a woman". I just wanted to be treated as a person. And I had enough of talking-to-a-girl stuff. I got into feminism. For years I have suffered as a woman, even I-don't-give-a-damn-feminist. In the end when it took some serious and objective analysis without other people's preconceptions, everything started to fit. I'm a (transsexual)guy. But I don't know what it means to be "a woman" or "a man". It's just a knowledge and it feels right.



No, that's just a generalisation. There are plenty of ladies who talk about politics, global issues, video games, computers, science, etc. The "makeup" vs "science" are just gender stereotypes. How about engaging in a serious talk on a lady's blog? Plenty of that online.

I've never tried to find a lady's blog.
The generalisations are from life experiences when with a group of men vs women. And I overhear the convos in places like restaurants where a group of women are together or a group of men. There are marked differences.

 

[Desiree W]

I'm enjoying reading the comments. It's intriguing to learn about the experiences you all have had. It's good to know I'm not alone.

 

[WereBear]

All of those reasons are perfectly logical - but I've heard that many women have this completely irrational, biological urge to have children. It seems very primal/instinctual/hormonal. That's the part I never had.

I had some of that, in my early thirties; I had a good marriage and a house and so forth. It was like a craving But even so, I realized I didn't have the resources to do it the way I wanted.

I would be surprised if our species didn't have such... we'd have died out if some people didn't really want it, regardless.

 

[Gracey]

I have never enjoyed Girly nights out or in. Can't cope with Hen Parties. Not interested in break or lunch time gossip at the workplace. Really never got the hang of Mother and Toddler groups when I took my own children along. I have served in the forces. I obtained a licence to drive heavy goods vehicles. I love the detail on paper maps. I have little or no patience for idle speculation and want to hear interesting facts during a conversation.
I've landscaped my own garden more than once and pretty much moved the tons of earth myself. I've had numerous jobs that require heavy manual handling. I see looks of surprise when I can just put a heavy sack of something onto my shoulder and carry it and place it where ever it needs to go.

something in the house needs adjusting or fixing, there are numerous tutorials on you tube that can help me do just that. My specific reproductive system has never been a barrier to learning how to save a lot of money on D.I.Y

The above is what I do because either, I want to do it or it's a task that needs doing and someone has got to do it... might aswell be me if I want it doing properly eh?

I've never 'followed the crowd' and have been labled as many things by others but all that matters to me is that I remain 'Just me' doing the things I want to do and getting done the things that need to be done.