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Aspie Women & Masculine Brains

Desiree W

Desiree W

Well-Known Member
Girls who are autistic have more 'masculine' brains, scientists claim | Daily Mail Online
extreme male brain theory of autism – Woman With Asperger's

I find these articles to be fascinating and make a lot of sense. As far as gender identity goes, I refer to myself as a gender non-conforming woman. I’ve dealt with gender policing most of my life. I preferred hanging out with men and masculine women throughout the years. My thought processes are often like that of a man’s. Even now, I don’t feel like I relate to most women except on a physical level and having certain emotions.
I commented on a video a while back and mentioned I was tomboyish. A guy asked why would a straight woman want to act like a man? I was taken aback, so I didn't respond. It’s not like I just woke up one day and decided to act like a man... I don't know. Now, I'm wondering if it's the high testosterone or Aspergers or both as the reason of not fitting in.
 
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I'm just now realizing that I could've posted this in the Autism Science Discussion area. :oops:
 
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Desiree W said:
Girls who are autistic have more 'masculine' brains, scientists claim | Daily Mail Online
extreme male brain theory of autism – Woman With Asperger's

I find these articles to be fascinating and make a lot of sense. As far as gender identity goes, I refer to myself as a gender non-conforming woman. I’ve dealt with gender policing most of my life. I preferred hanging out with men and masculine women throughout the years. My thought processes are often like that of a man’s. Even now, I don’t feel like I relate to most women except on a physical level and having certain emotions.
I commented on a video a while back and mentioned I was tomboyish. A guy asked why would a straight woman want to act like a man? I was taken aback, so I didn't respond. It’s not like I just woke up one day and decided to act like a man... I don't know. Now, I'm wondering if it's the high testosterone or Aspergers or both as the reason of not fitting in.
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Desiree, I'm pretty much the same way, though I'm pretty girly-girl in appearance. My thought processes are much more similar to the thought processes of guys. I prefer to be engaged in activities rather than emotion-exploring discussions. I have a hard time relating to typical women and do much better when interacting with masculine-ish women. One thing that's especially interesting to me is how exposure to testosterone in the womb might impact or cause these kinds of traits. I have a twin brother, so I suspect I was exposed to more testosterone in the womb.
 
I am a very femmine woman and yet, do not associate at all with my own sex. I too get on better with chaps and I think it has to do with the lack of spite or competitive nature etc. I just don't do that.

Women talk about make up and although I occasionally do wear a bit, I do not wear it at home and never do lipstick.

In ladies toilets, you will see me darting in and darting out again. It is a PETRIFYING experience.

I rather talk about life as it were and find that most women are not interested in that.

Even as a child, I felt I was different from my peers. I just never feel comfortable with my own sex. But again, I am very much a female as in wearing skirts and dresses. Oh and the only "make up" that truly interests me is nail polish. I love my nails and enjoy painting them, but in traditional colours and cannot deal with long fingernails and wonder how women can do housework with them lol
 
I've never really thought about it before, but I'm not sure how much would be ASD related and how much would be related to higher than normal testosterone as I have PCOS. I wouldn't have said I was particularly a tomboy, as I always wear makeup and relatively feminine clothes, but I've never in my life been one to love overly feminine clothing, think dresses and overly fussy clothing.
 
I am. very stereotypicaly girly in some way i.e love painting my nail and have always been into dolls. However I have always been better at stereotypically male subjects like maths.
 
I've been called a "man in a skirt" more than once, by different, unrelated people.
I did like make up, just like I like drawing, and I clearly dress feminine, but almost in a stereotypical way, like I'm playing a part or something.
That being said... as far as I recall, I was never really conscious of my status as a female. I mean, as a kid I knew I was a girl, but I was very much into sports, usually better at it than most boys, and I did not shy away from a fight or climbing trees, ropes, whatever. I also had a collection of Barbie dolls and HotWheels, I think I just enjoyed whatever I enjoyed regardless of the gender associated, and luckily my parents never had a problem with that, never felt the need for me to conform to whatever was expected and, if I'm being honest, pretty much raised me according to that logic.
As an adult, yes, I'm more naturally at ease with men than women, but the caveat is that most of them end up thinking I'm flirting with them when I am absolutely not. But because I can't tell those signs apart from non-flirty signs, it does get me in that same "male friend professing his love" situation over & over again. I also tend to get along better with people who have a scientific background, which is fairly odd given that sciences --as they were taught, at least-- were not exactly my forte, and that I'm this language & arts-loving person.
People at work have been confused with my demeanor and sense of humor on more than one occasion, usually because they call it a masculine behavior. I've been asked to act more like a woman (not more like a lady, just "woman"), and I just went "What???". Seriously, what does that even mean? Now, in the company where that happened, the women were like a vast pool of each and every stereotype you could think of, we had the cryer, the mom, the hysteric-who-can't-stand-the-pressure, the pretty girly with blonde curls who sheepishly smiled, and so on. The men? It seems I had more guts than most of them, you know, the whole series of traits typically associated with/better accepted in men, such as being outspoken, decisive, no-nonsense, etc. (OK, and the raunchy humor, because you can get away with that in Europe without being sued)

Now, back to the science we were discussing: one thing is coming to my mind, which is the correlation between exposure to testosterone in the womb and higher chances of being left-handed. Are many of us left-handed? Not that it will prove or disprove anything, but it's just a thought.
I know for sure that I had a hormonal imbalance most of my life, and that my mother does as well, so I'm very tempted to buy into that theory. Thank you for posting this!
 
Oohh...cool topic. My testosterone levels are normal but I have never been what one would consider 'girly'. I prefer activities rather than sitting around talking about boys and make up trends and shopping - and yes, I am aware this is stereotyping women grossly but for the sake of the argument I'm going with it.

I loved my racing car toy, animals and Voltron. Barbie could stay in her beach house for all I cared. I did not dress in princess clothes; wasn't interested and they would have snagged on the trees anyway. I preferred sporty things, fishing, climbing trees, movies and reading.

My HFA mimic abilities have allowed me to appear as the 'cool chick' in a group by not buying into the bitchiness of girls or the need for drama. I say what I mean - no underlying need to decipher the 'hidden' meaning as I'm not interested in mind games. I seem to get along better with males but I too have found myself on the receiving end of unwanted attention from 'friends' which has left me blindsided and also then sans friend. I find it difficult to relate to most women and find conversations strained and uncomfortable a lot of the time. I have been told that women find me threatening... that I'm too secure in my own person and do not require validation and might 'steal' their ****** husband/boyfriend ... which is funny as I'm pretty shy and non-confrontational and not interested in their hubby, but I'm single so that's enough. Apparently.

As an adult, I think I now enjoy dressing femininely but after researching how females with HFA mimic, I wonder whether I am just now more adept at mimicry and convinced myself that I like to do it. I wasn't interested in make up or fashion until I started work in an office and had to 'compete' with other women, so there may be the answer... I read fashion magazines until I thought I 'had this' and haven't picked one up since.

Not sure I buy into the whole 'female brain-male brain' position. Reckon how we interpret stimuli etc is based on what wiring was set up at key points in life and as methods to cope and understand the world around us as we saw it. ASD or not, nature and nurture play their part. Too many variables to draw conclusions, but it does make for an interesting discussion.
 
Lady Penelope said:
My HFA mimic abilities have allowed me to appear as the 'cool chick' in a group by not buying into the bitchiness of girls or the need for drama. I say what I mean - no underlying need to decipher the 'hidden' meaning as I'm not interested in mind games. I seem to get along better with males but I too have found myself on the receiving end of unwanted attention from 'friends' which has left me blindsided and also then sans friend. I find it difficult to relate to most women and find conversations strained and uncomfortable a lot of the time. I have been told that women find me threatening... that I'm too secure in my own person and do not require validation and might 'steal' their ****** husband/boyfriend ... which is funny as I'm pretty shy and non-confrontational and not interested in their hubby, but I'm single so that's enough. Apparently.
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Oh yes, this, so much this! I've rarely related so much to something.
Well, come to think of it... It seems I could get along with women... if they're on the spectrum like me ;)
 
Katleya said:
Oh yes, this, so much this! I've rarely related so much to something.
Well, come to think of it... It seems I could get along with women... if they're on the spectrum like me ;)
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You might be onto something... maybe we just need to find ASD women and we'll have a female friend! Or at least a better shot at it :rolleyes:
 
Actually, I think I had one a few years ago. And it was awesome while it lasted, so yes, 10/10, would recommend ASD women as friends. But would virtual friends do? That's all I can handle at the moment.

I wonder if other unconventional women, not necessarily ASD, would be good friend-matches, too. Does anyone have a telling experience?
 
This would explain some of my own experience. I think my more masculine ways put off adults from the time I was a small child, and then continued on through adolescence. I decided to learn how to become more feminine in my twenties - I learned how to put it on, and maybe transformed in some ways just through habit from practice. But it was very much something I learned to do. I did not realize that apparently most people actually strongly or naturally identify with a particular gender. I don't have a strong natural identification with either - I just knew that my biological sex was female, and so I learned how to act and look like one. I really only did this because I saw that it could grant me power and acceptance - which would get me more comfort and more power, lol! People treated me much better, I was able to get what I wanted more often. In contrast, when I didn't seem feminine, I received much poorer treatment, and I really wanted to avoid that. I still don't relate to most females very well. It's not that I relate to men either - but there's less of a problem with them. I do think there are stereotypically female elements in me, just from the hormones of course - but if my mind is more masculine, that would explain where I'm at on that spectrum.
 
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The only female friend I've ever had that I truly enjoyed being with wasn't ASD, but, she was masculine in her demeanor. Physically we were both tall and strong women. She had many of my same interests, science, medicine, parapsychology, we liked the same movies and music. We were just comfortable together. She was a forensic toxicologist. She wasn't asexual, but, she was the dominent in her relationships with men.

I could never relate to women or women's groups either. Always related to guys and their interests, humour is raunchy. I can relate to how this gets us into troubles also when they get romantic ideas or someone's wife/girlfriend gets jealous.
I was definitely a tomboy. Dad called me his boy named Sue. We enjoyed fishing and boating. I was living on a small farm by the age of 5 with my parents at grandma's house in the Ozarks. It didn't have electric or indoor plumbing. Wood stoves, icebox, a well, we cleaned our clothes on a scrub board and used a hand turned wringer. I was cutting wood for the stoves with an axe at 6 yrs. Hoeing and sowing an acre vegetable garden with Dad. She had a root cellar, canned and did a lot of cooking fresh from the garden outside in a black kettle. We had a smokehouse and chickens. Most people wouldn't even think of living like that today.
We moved to a city 120 miles away when I was 7.
I still got along better with the boys in school. I didn't like girlie things. The dolls, playing house, dress-up, tea parties, etc. Those are all things that are pre-preps though for the maternal instincts which never happened either.
I just did the things I liked never caring if it was girlish or boyish. I feel neutral I guess, but, I always wished I had been born a boy. This led to a lot of being made fun of in puberty. Yet I grew up to mimic very well on stage as I was a model through my 20's. But as far as what gender I identify with? Physically a woman with male ways and a neutral soul. I see people as people. I would have a world without gender if I could.
 
But how much of this is because of societal gender roles? There's still very few ways male brains differ in reliable studies. This has gone back and forth so often. Males do better with maps; no wait, when we redid that study, women did just as well! And so forth.

When I was growing up in the SouthEastern US, I might as well have been raised by wolves. There, women were supposed to be "girly," not that bright, passive, fluffy brained, and obsessed with shoes and shopping. While I liked reading books and didn't care what I wore as long as it was comfortable. And the South had a name for that, too: bluestocking. But it wasn't a compliment. I wasn't "supposed" to be that way.

When I grew up and moved to NYC, it felt like home. There, women were outspoken, bold, and could be smart if they wanted. I fit in much better there.

A lot of it is gender roles. After all, art and reading and such are often thought of as "girly" and yet almost all of our art and literature was written by men... because women weren't allowed!

I don't think we have any idea about what is male and what is female.

In addition, a lot of those Southern girls got married and had children and often had a useless husband (because he wasn't allowed to be his real self, either.) And suddenly, with lives at stake, she'd get a job, juggle finances, and manage complicated things.

It's all a mess and I'm not going to contribute to it by believing the Daily Mail. If anything, our experiences show we don't conform like NTs. But that, I think, is all :)
 
I'm HFA and have a masculine brain and it's 3cm bigger than the average female and 1cm larger than the average male. I have never felt my gender fully and think more logically than emotional most the time. Only hormones makes me more feminine, like someone else mentioned in this thread. I just let nature do its cycle and manage it best I can with herbal remedies these days.
 
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I'm usually one of the guys too. I do have an increasing number of female friends, but they're all pretty atypical too :D
 
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