Aspie women in the workplace?

[louk296]

I am an NT partner to an aspie female who also has extreme social phobia, and severe anxiety. She has not had a proper job before and is afraid of entering a long term and repetitive social situation at the workplace, due to childhood traumas (hardcore bullying in boarding school for over 7 years, evil stepmom, mom who's undiagnosed but probably also an aspie). Hoping to hear your story about how it was when you first entered the workplace, and any experiences/stories would be welcomed!

 

[Pats]

It's hard making a commitment being at the same place at the same time day after day. I worked, but didn't have a choice. Hated every minute of every day of it, but did it anyway. Late in life I learned about my diagnosis and learned just how severely dysfunctional I was in occupational and social settings. Oh well, got through this life despite all that.
Be patient and understanding with her - bullying happens in the workplace, too.

 

[louk296]

It's hard making a commitment being at the same place at the same time day after day. I worked, but didn't have a choice. Hated every minute of every day of it, but did it anyway. Late in life I learned about my diagnosis and learned just how severely dysfunctional I was in occupational and social settings. Oh well, got through this life despite all that.
Be patient and understanding with her - bullying happens in the workplace, too.

I am sorry you had to go through all that without a diagnosis / understanding of what you were experiencing! I am not at all pressuring her to work, am happy supporting both of us but it is more of her desire to challenge herself, wanting to 'do life' as she puts it, but feeling inferior and afraid at the same time!

 

[Progster]

I used to work as a teacher, but found that the job and work environment didn't suit me, so I became a private tutor, one to one only. Offices and other such workplaces can be difficult places for a person with ASD to work and fit in, I would suggest that she consider self-employment or distance/home working.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh, I guess I should not respond, since I cannot offer any hope.

I have several issues going on and cannot go out to work either and waiting on some news from the government, to see if I can get some financial aid.

I would LOVE to be in the work force, but it creates a horror picture for me, as I have tried in my younger year's to work and it was a complete nightmare. If, it was just about doing the work, fine, I could deal with that, but inevitably it is about socialising too and I am so bad at that, that it makes working very hard for me.

However, the good news is and sure you have already found out, that there are many aspie women in the work force.

Being an aspie does not stunt ones from working; it is when other issues are included.

I have: ptsd, social anxiety; agroaphobia, severe anxiety and my therapist has said that, due to all these things going on, no workforce, would be willing to hire me, even under the disabled label.

My husband is being superb about it all and does not judge me in a negative way, because of not being able to go out to work.

 

[Bolletje]

I used to work as a medical doctor in a regional hospital. Due to many factors that turned out not to be a good fit, although I’ve never enjoyed a job as much as that one and I miss it dearly.
These days I work as a medical doctor for a government organization. It means better hours, better pay and less stress.

 

[Monachopia]

Your partner sounds similar to me in some ways - extreme social anxiety, generalised anxiety, bullying etc... I have had two jobs for a year at a time in retail. They did somewhat help with the social anxiety aspect because it made me go out there and socialise and realise it's not so scary. Exposure sometimes is the best therapy. But it doesn't necessarily work for everyone. When I quit those jobs I reverted back to my socially anxious self. As Aspies, we can adapt to situations we're forced into, like @Pats so valiantly did. I admire her very much.

Part-time work might be good for your partner. Full time work is completely overwhelming and might tire her out mentally at least at first. Also something that isn't mind-numbing. I quit my retail jobs because I was bored and wasn't learning anything new anymore, even though I was about to be promoted a second time.

It's great that she wants to work and experience life, but start small, maybe do some volunteering to see what it's like. I did that for quite some time before I started paid jobs.

 

[OrangeSquash]

When I started here (aged 21), and at my second job (30ish), I tried desperately hard just to fit in and go un-noticed as much as possible. Gradually I become comfortable in the environment and with the people it contained.

At my day job, I am the proverbial square peg, round hole. Most of the time I just try to go unnoticed and fit-in. Sometimes, (usually when we are light of managers) I just be me. Although nobody here knows of my self-diagnosed situation, I find my colleagues here fairly accepting of me at both ends of my energy levels.

At my second job I now feel like I am accepted perfectly for who I am and what I bring to the organisation.

 

[Juliettaa]

I have worked for the same (large) employer for decades, and have moved around to several departments.

I never 'fit in' socially, but I'm not there to socialise, I'm there to work

In some offices, it didn't suit my colleagues that I didn't want to go out with them socially or join in any of their social office events and consequently I've experienced bullying. The impact from these bullying episodes was pretty horrendous. At the time, I was undiagnosed too so I had no idea what I was doing 'wrong' by saying no thank you.

I have learnt a lot about human behaviour and can now easily see how some of the NT's in my workplace are two faced, passive aggressive, sulky, bullies. I don't allow them to get to me. I am polite and professional but give them nothing on a personal level.

I find it hard to be around people and after 1-2 days in the office I'm mentally drained by the politics. I'm fortunate that I can work from home, within reason as and when I need to. I'm also fortunate that I work part time. My well-being is more important than money. I know my limitations.

Perhaps your partner would benefit from therapy to address the past traumas before starting work. Getting to know yourself is priceless.

 

[Ronin82]

I have a long and fragmented work history due to PTSD and undiagnosed Asperger's, so I can chime in here. I'm finally working a job that fits me, but its taken me YEARS and lots of experimentation to find it! I'm working in an industry I'm wired to do naturally, working with animals (limited people contact), and while it is draining working full-time, I really don't have a choice. Since I work in a behavioral health facility, my idiosyncrasies are generally more accepted than at other NT work places. My issues are no secret, so people know I have challenges, but my work speaks for itself. I love my horses, and this group is willing to hold my hand to help me further my career in the industry of animal-assisted therapies. I'm nearly 40 now, and this is the first time I feel like I might have a chance of long-term employment as well as advancement opportunities, and I even (mostly) fit in socially!

As others have stated, it takes practice, going slowly, and finding your niche. Good luck to her!

 

[Pats]

It's good she has such a supportive husband.

 

[tducey]

I'd be patient with her. In my experience I've found people who believe in me at work has been great for me. The same could apply to this person when she's given the chance.

 

[hatfullofrain]

I didn't get on very well with typical office jobs. I do not recommend them for aspie women. The social dynamic of working with NT women is just such a minefield.

I'm a lot happier in more technical fields. I did admin for scientists, both male and female. That was one of the best jobs I ever had. I fit right in. Everyone was more obsessed with their projects than social rules.

I work in IT now and I have my own projects I work on. Very little need for interaction with colleagues. It suits me. My bad throat has even healed up now I'm in a job where I don't have to talk a lot. I was ill for months in my last job.