Asperger and kids

[Ste11aeres]

I don't understand why she is so distressed about the possibility of a kid having aspergers/autism when she doesn't find your own Aspergers to be an impediment to being with you.

 

[OkRad]

What would you regret more in the end of your life, as you lay dying? Never having kids and playing it safe? Or having kids and having to live day by day.
Remember, most parent love their kids, even the disabled ones, more than their own life and all their posessions. That should tell you something about what matters in life.
However, I know people who decide not to have kids, and they are happy too. So it is just a choice eveyrone has to make.

 

[WereBear]

I don't understand why she is so distressed about the possibility of a kid having aspergers/autism when she doesn't find your own Aspergers to be an impediment to being with you.

Yes, there needs to be a discussion of the difference between LFA and HFA, at least.

 

[pjcnet]

What would you regret more in the end of your life, as you lay dying? Never having kids and playing it safe? Or having kids and having to live day by day.
Remember, most parent love their kids, even the disabled ones, more than their own life and all their posessions. That should tell you something about what matters in life.
However, I know people who decide not to have kids, and they are happy too. So it is just a choice eveyrone has to make.

Very true and look at my parents, they had 2 autistic children including myself who was first suspected as low functioning followed by my brother Daniel who is still very low functioning with suspected brain damage, yet they still decided to have my brother David who was also low functioning and even back then when autism wasn't officially recognised as a possibly inherited condition, my parents must have still been aware that there was a very high risk of their 3rd child, David being autistic too. In the OP's situation however there's only really a greater risk of having a child who is on the higher functioning end of the autistic spectrum and there's still a good chance that even this won't happen.

 

[granolaturtle]

I understand that view and respect people's decision to not have children - but it's important to know that no one is guaranteed to have no disabled children. The most neurotypical neurotypical in the world can still have a nonverbal autistic child. Conditions like down syndrome or dwarfism can be very random. And a neurotypical, able bodied child can become disabled through outside chance, accidents or illnesses.

I don't know if we should think of genes or disability as something we "inflict" on people. (unless someone is really horrible and intentionally hurts someone) And I don't even think it's necessarily a good goal to try to eliminate disability as a society. How we view disability can greatly contribute to how well disabled people adapt, grow and learn, even with the limitations a disability can give someone. Even the severely disabled aren't completely defined by their deficits, but also their contributions and personality.

Providing frameworks of accessibility and acceptance will not only help disabled people, but also literally everyone else as they grow up and age or experience injuries or illnesses. Our bodies aren't perfect, our minds aren't perfect and they certainly aren't going to stay healthy forever.

If the time comes that I ever feel ready to have children, even biologically, I'll have that conversation with my partner and we would make that decision together - but either way I won't feel guilty about my genes.

 

[Kathos]

There is a lot of high functioning autism in my family, on my side and my husbands, and its been the cause of some very challenging childhoods for the older generation. That said, when my nephew was born we knew early on that something wasn't right and sure enough he was diagnosed with Aspergers before he turned 2. He spent about 2 years going through extensive therapy (ABA) - almost 6+ hours per day. The therapists came to his house and provided intense play therapy, speech, social therapy, occupational and physical therapy etc.. to help him get a good start in life. He is 11 years old now and a star baseball player, at a gifted private school with plenty of friends so I would say the therapy worked.
Please note the therapy was free and covered by government programs (check your local regional center) and/or private insurance. There are so many programs and so much support for kids on the spectrum, none of which existed when I was a kid. The outlook is entirely different and extremely positive for the younger generation.
These programs are available across the US, my other nephew in Illinois was diagnosed last year, he lives in a very small rural town and was also able to get ABA and speech therapy at his home.
The key is to be proactive and if you suspect an issue begin the testing ASAP because the best therapy happens before the age of 3 when you can take advantage of Regional Center services. After age 3 it's your local school district that services your child.
I hope this eases your girlfriends fears. It's not easy to parent a child on the spectrum, but now a days you are not alone. There is support all around in the form of a professional army of therapists, and these kids often have as bright a future as any NT.

 

[Kathos]

I also wanted to add that the health and welfare of the mother while the baby is in the womb and postpartum is paramount. As the father I would do everything in your power to make sure the mother is eating a very high nutrient dense diet (similar to the diet they recommend for kids who are on the spectrum) and LOW STRESS for the mom. Ignore the literature that says the child is protected from mom's stress hormones and will take what nutrient they need from the mother regardless of how she eats. I'm not saying this will prevent your child from having autism, but if your chid is born with autism and you do not do this, at some point you might read the literature and wonder if it could have made a difference. I believe much of autism is genetic but there is also a nurture component that you can control so I believe it is worth looking into.

 

[Mr Allen]

In the extremely unlikely event my Parents get any more Grandkids from me, I'd be worried about the same thing as the OP, would any offspring from me also be Aspie?

Although to be fair there's no history of AS on either side of my own family apart from a late Uncle of my Dad's who had all the symptoms, couldn't look after himself, had no social skills and hated the world and everyone in it, but he was never formally diagnosed, yeah he was a funny old bloke Uncle Les.