Article on Social Difficulties that accompany AS

[Ste11aeres]

I think that, for a neurotypical, this person has an excellent grasp of AS. This article's not bad. The other articles on this site are also good, and perhaps even more helpful to most of us, since we probably already know what's said in this one.
How Asperger's Syndrome / High-Functioning Autism Affects Adults | www.succeedsocially.com

 

[Judge]

Thanks for sharing. Just another one for me to bookmark. A relatively simple, but practical explanation of AS. The sort of thing I might refer to an NT to for better understanding. Especially regarding those of us who were not diagnosed at an early age.

 

[Ste11aeres]

The sort of thing I might refer to an NT to for better understanding.

Yes, a good use for such an article.

 

[Nitro]

Great read Ste11aeres,thanks for sharing...this was a great way of explaining it

 

[Grumpy Cat]

As an NT person, that article was very enlightening. I've been on the site for awhile now, but with the emails I receive and the posts I read I can't tell that anyone is having any difficulties with thought processes that the article explains. I read everyone's thoughts on the problems that they have communicating and I have seen some really, really big words that I have to look up for the meaning , but other than that its very difficult as an NT person to know what it's really like being around an Aspie. It's very hard for someone like me to understand how difficult "small talk" can be for an Aspie when it comes so easily to me. And the eye contact, I keep wondering why that is so uncomfortable when it's so natural to me.
I'm trying to keep in touch with an Aspie right now by texting and we've hit a little snag. I'm wanting to text more because I'm used to keeping in contact with my friends everyday - it keeps me feeling "connected" to that person. However, I was just told by them (after I asked) that they would rather me not text so much. This made me very sad cause it was like they weren't interested in hearing from me anymore (we talked almost everyday for over 3 months and I had gotten used to hearing about their day) and now I was supposed to change that. I guess I was bombarding them with too many texts and they said they didn't always want to talk. I'm trying not to text until I hear from them, but it's very hard because I lose the "connection" feeling of them being a close friend to where they are now starting to fall into the category of an acquaintance and I don't know what to do about that. I don't want to lose the friendship and have explained my feelings and what my needs are when it comes to communication, but it seems we haven't figured out a solution yet. I said I would just wait for them to contact me and that way I'll know that then they want to talk to me. It's getting kinda lonely on my end.

 

[Judge]

I guess I was bombarding them with too many texts and they said they didn't always want to talk.

Angie, for what's it worth, I see your challenge is not to take this too personally. Not easy, I get that too.

If we have some control of our environment, I suspect many of us Aspies will attempt to "ration" the amount of total social interactions we deal with in a somewhat short time frame. I know I do. Even very positive social interactions might not always be so welcome simply because at times people may be attempting to contact us when we are socially overwhelmed over other issues.

In your case I know that puts you at a disadvantage because we're likely not to convey to people that we are socially overwhelmed unless the point is pushed. If the friendship is valuable to you, be patient. Things may improve with time and more understanding.

Your posting is appreciated though, as it gives us greater perspective from what this appears like from the NT perspective.

 

[Christy]

I guess I was bombarding them with too many texts and they said they didn't always want to talk.

I liken it to getting toothpaste out of a tube. Every day you take just a little more but because there's plenty left over you don't think twice about it. But as time goes on, there's less and less left until one day you realise how much effort you have to use to get that little bit extra out so you can brush your teeth that day.

It's like that with my reserves for socialising (or even communicating) with people. It's okay and exciting at first, but over time it creeps up on me how much energy it's taking. I can keep squeezing just a little more out each time, but I get to the point where it's just too hard. At that point I disappear until my reserves are replenished through A LOT of alone time.

Unfortunately in the meantime people have gotten stroppy with me for the lack of contact, or I fear they have, so often I don't then reach out to reconnect with them.

Angie, I suggest you leave them to contact you, but from time to time make an excuse to keep in contact just to let them know you still want to be their friend. This could be a one line text or email to say you were thinking of them and you'd like to catch up with them if they're so inclined. Something friendly and light but leaves it in their court to take you up on it.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Angie, for what's it worth, I see your challenge is not to take this too personally. Not easy, I get that too.

If we have some control of our environment, I suspect many of us Aspies will attempt to "ration" the amount of total social interactions we deal with in a somewhat short time frame. I know I do. Even very positive social interactions might not always be so welcome simply because at times people may be attempting to contact us when we are socially overwhelmed over other issues.

In your case I know that puts you at a disadvantage because we're likely not to convey to people that we are socially overwhelmed unless the point is pushed. If the friendship is valuable to you, be patient. Things may improve with time and more understanding.

Your posting is appreciated though, as it gives us greater perspective from what this appears like from the NT perspective.

I liken it to getting toothpaste out of a tube. Every day you take just a little more but because there's plenty left over you don't think twice about it. But as time goes on, there's less and less left until one day you realise how much effort you have to use to get that little bit extra out so you can brush your teeth that day.

It's like that with my reserves for socialising (or even communicating) with people. It's okay and exciting at first, but over time it creeps up on me how much energy it's taking. I can keep squeezing just a little more out each time, but I get to the point where it's just too hard. At that point I disappear until my reserves are replenished through A LOT of alone time.

Unfortunately in the meantime people have gotten stroppy with me for the lack of contact, or I fear they have, so often I don't then reach out to reconnect with them.

Angie, I suggest you leave them to contact you, but from time to time make an excuse to keep in contact just to let them know you still want to be their friend. This could be a one line text or email to say you were thinking of them and you'd like to catch up with them if they're so inclined. Something friendly and light but leaves it in their court to take you up on it.

Thank you both for responding. All my friendships mean a lot to me and I take them very seriously. I consider this person a close friend and will remain loyal. It's difficult because in NT land when you start talking less with someone it means the friendship is fizzling out. Then (as an NT) we start wondering what we did wrong. I'm just going to have to be patient like Judge said because I don't want to lose this friendship just because we have different ways of communicating.

 

[Judge]

I generally don’t use it for idle communication like I would e-mail. However, it just dawned on me why I dislike it. It’s a distraction or interruption to my routine.

Good point, Sportster. That can fundamentally be HUGE for us Aspies. At work or even play our focus can potentially be so intense...

Maybe e-mail is the way to go as he mentions...

 

[Saragrl]

It’s a distraction or interruption to my routine. The cell phone goes “ding” and I feel compelled to stop what I’m doing to respond.[/FONT]

So true, all my friends will write lots of one word texts instead of a sentence. So my phone blings like 5 times in a row and I lose concentration. At that point I have been known to put my phone on silent and throw it across my room.