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Featured Are you ever the target of bullying but don't understand why?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Frostee, Nov 4, 2019.

  1. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    I post on Reddit frequently and am constantly abused by posters from a particular subreddit that I was banned from. This subreddit (NI) is heavily biased politically, I was chastised on there for my views. I was banned because every post I made had an extremely negative comment rating.

    I have a number of stalkers who follow me about and ridicule me. I have blocked these people but they continue to create accounts so I can't get away from them.

    They have all found my social media and YouTube accounts. Every single video that I have posted is downvoted by them. If you look here: Winter snow - Owen

    Here are two stalkers: Ribeansontoast (u/Ribeansontoast) - Reddit

    lie-detective (u/lie-detective) - Reddit

    an example of their abuse: It's been a slow day in work : northernireland

    A few of these posters laughed and mocked my worries that I had last night (thread about my fathers temper).
    Are there any 24 hour Petrol stations near Coleraine? : northernireland


    I just want to discuss this as I don't know how to handle these people and I cannot comprehend why they have it out for me. They seem intent on punishing me.
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2019
  2. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I'm having a little trouble understanding the examples given. Are these questions you posted that were deleted and the comments are the abuse you're referring to? Did you make more than one account and they figured out it was you?

    I wonder if it would be a good idea to just not go on Reddit. It doesn't seem like a particularly kind crowd.

    I could be wrong, but I feel as if many of the words you use are a little strong. "Bullying," "abuse," and "stalking," are all things I've experienced and I'd give anything for it to have been this instead. Maybe I'm just being silly about it, I can't tell.
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2019
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  3. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    Lie Detectives posts are all dedicated to following me around. He always comments on threads I create and details them.

    The meme is a meme mocking me.

    What is there to misunderstand? I am confused.
     
  4. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Well, now I understand that one, which, as far as I can tell, is simply him responding to you. One post you roll your eyes at someone. Do you feel innocent? And you feel those posts are abusive? Maybe others will agree but I can't see it.

    I don't see a meme.

    Either way, I was referring to the second two where there's a deleted post and then lots of comments.

    One thing that would help prevent misunderstandings could be to edit your original post to include your usernames so people don't have to decode who is who, although I think I've figured it out.
     
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  5. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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  6. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Okay, a couple of things I want to say here.

    First of all: I find it hard to quite understand what is going on in that thread. Are you this Smithyweather person on there? Or is that not your account? Which one is you? I apologize if the answer is obvious... sometimes I dont spot the obvious. Sometimes things that should be easy to grasp just fly over my head.

    Not just that, but the whole thread of comments and responses is just... it's very confusing.

    Humor me with a bit more detail, if you would?


    It's best not to consider Reddit to be a single entity.

    Think of it as a series of completely disconnected forums that, for nothing resembling a reason, happen to be linked to the same central hub.

    One individual forum may be full of jerks. Go to a forum about a whole different topic though, and you might find that it's NOT full of jerks. You wont know till you go there.

    The forum being shown here looks *very* expansive. Simply titled "northernireland". I find that more "generalized" forums tend to be alot more toxic than forums more focused on very specific things.
     
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  7. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

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    I like ya frostee, but I don't pretend to know or understand the backstory.
     
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  8. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    Yes I am. The links are to users whom follow me about continually, derailing my threads and so on. There are a number of users who mock and ridicule me without request.
     
  9. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    I think it would be a mistake to generalize from bad forum experiences to your place in the world, generally. Social media can be very toxic. Not only is it wise to simply walk away from online crap, but it's wise not to allow it to make you feel bad.

    I'm a reader of Reddit (rarely) but am not signed up for an account. In general, it doesn't feel like a site where I would gain either insight or emotional support.
     
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  10. jared mills

    jared mills Rookie

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    if every aspie in the world was a target of someone's bullying,we either be withstood of it or we physically combat it :rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage: !
     
  11. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I don't believe true bullying is understandable. In other words it's not done for a valid reason. By it's nature it is a form of aggressive behavior that the bully does for some self serving reason. The receiver is just the victim.

    I haven't read this particular conversation(s) as online discourse, particularly in places like Reddit is often banal, but if you are having problems it is likely trolls, one of the online form of bullys. Best to just avoid these types altogether and not give them any response when they do appear. Be sure however, that you are not contributing to creating confrontations yourself, or else the problem will follow you.
     
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  12. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

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    The group mind/group think thing is powerful, it can hurt you.
     
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  13. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Well. I did a bit of digging here, and I think I understand what is actually going on.

    Now before I go any further, I need to make something very clear here. I do not speak with anger or vitriol. If you've seen enough of my posts on this site, you probably already know this. Nothing I say is an attack.

    If you understand that, then let's keep going.

    Again, I did a bit of digging. Reddit tracks posts and general behavior on each account... not exactly hard to do. Certain patterns quickly became apparent.

    This situation has nothing to do with "stalkers", not in the way you're thinking of it. Dont get me wrong, some of their actions are certainly problematic, but it's not the core of the issue here.

    I'll be blunt: The core of the issue is the things you say to others, and the fact that you dont quite seem to grasp the gravity of whatever it is you've said or done. Something quite venomous is said, but the fact that it IS venomous seems to go unnoticed by you. Unfortunately for you, everyone else does notice, and it seems that over time you gained some... notoriety on that forum. Which suggests that this has been going on for quite awhile. I suspect now, considering all of this and your many posts on this forum (which also display certain patterns), that this doesnt just apply to your words, but to your actions as well (as in, stuff not done online). This may tie into why your father got so very angry. Not that he was correct in doing so... he should have controlled himself. But still.

    There's a bit more to it than just that... again, I dug fairly deep here... but that's the basics.

    The point is, you speak and act without moderating what you're saying or doing. There seems to be a genuine lack of control here, but also, a lack of understanding the potential impact and effects of your actions, while at the same time not quite listening to those who give some form of feedback. That part may be some of why you seem to have trouble in understanding WHY a given situation is happening to you. There's a high chance that the reason for any given situation is right there, but somehow, you arent seeing it.


    Here's the thing though: These behaviors arent exactly uncommon, when it comes to those on the spectrum. This is EXACTLY the sort of stuff alot of us arent any good at.

    But if you want to stop getting into these situations, and if you want more control over your life as a whole, you're going to have to work on this issue. Instead of wondering why someone is attacking you in a given situation, it's time to start analyzing your own actions as well.

    And you know what? That's what THIS forum is for. If you want to start dealing with this issue, you're in the right place, to get help. But you have to really listen, and not assume that anything is an attack. Nobody on this forum would do that (well, nobody I've seen, anyway). But even though we try to help, we cant fix things for you. If you want things to change, YOU have to make the change. That's how it works.


    And that's it. That's the situation.


    Now, as for Reddit itself... I'd strongly suggest destroying whatever accounts you're using there. They've simply gained too much traction. Hit a certain point of infamy in a place like that, and it simply wont wear off, period.

    But also... there's certain places you should seriously be avoiding. Dont go into political subreddits or topics, for instance. Or places where arguements are sort of guaranteed. Stick to more "calm" topics for now. But again, with a new account. Try not to post too often, and dont do the "ask for help" posts on there. I suspect that those who already dislike you will spot you simply based on you making that type of post. When you want to ask for assistance with something online... use this forum instead. Remember: This forum, the entire site, exists for that reason. Reddit does not.

    Again, nothing I say here is meant as an attack. I am simply trying to bring the actual problem to your attention. After all, if you dont know what the problem is, how can you fix it?

    Myself and others can certainly try to help you, here on this forum, but again: in the end, it has to be YOU making the changes. You CAN do it, if you put your mind to it.
     
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  14. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    Bullying is something I've gone through. It's not fun. I wonder if our disability makes us more suscecptible to being bullied.
     
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  15. Kirsty

    Kirsty ND

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    Most of my life in the workplace, yes.
     
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  16. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    Yes I was bullied throughout most of my time at school. Made my life miserable and drove me to attempt suicide. If snarky comments on the internet were all I had to deal with then I'd have been very grateful TBH.

    There's a simple answer to your issue, leave Reddit. The awesome think about social media is that you can opt out when it become a negative environment. Don't cross post your social media accounts (i.e. don't post your youtube videos on forums like you have done here and on Reddit), it means people don't actually have to stalk you to find you on other sites. If you post links to your videos on a site where you are disliked you are basically asking them to down vote you.

    A quick look at your account history on Reddit shows people accusing you of trolling, being bigoted, and insulting other users, (your posts seem to be deleted so can't check how true that is, but I'm going to assume it is as people generally don't target people they don't know for no reason) so adjust your behaviour online to not make yourself a target. If you wander around forums waving around a sign saying "I'm an A$$hole, please retaliate", people will oblige.
     
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  17. WildCat

    WildCat and his scatterbrain V.I.P Member

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    Nobody (especially on the internet) is under any obligation to give you what you want to hear. If you say something offensive or perceived as offensive, expect to get it thrown back at you. It doesn't even have to be offensive at all...step out of line with the group consensus for example, and that's enough to draw wrath towards you. Whatever, humans are weird.

    The way you've divulged your personal life to a bunch of anonymous people can trigger harassment also, but at least here you won't get a mocking meme or even a subreddit in your honor. Kudos to whoever shut both of those down by the way...that's some of my faith in humanity restored. Be sure to thank them when you get the chance. Or not.

    As for Reddit, the good news is that you can create a different account and, assuming you don't repeat what led to all of this, get away free. Better to go on and leave though or simply browse if you cannot handle it. From what I've found, Reddit is a mixed bag of internet (and everything that comes with that) in its finest glory. I don't post on Reddit but do browse every now and then, and I treat it as a "look, but don't touch" type of thing.

    Please know my intent isn't to be rude to you at all, I'm simply giving my 2 cents here. I'm sorry that you had to go through this and more and, yes, I have also been the target of bullying which still puzzles me and others here I'm sure, but if you want things to improve then you need to start looking for solutions.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2019
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  18. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    Misery -Thank you for taking the time to do this.

    Frostee - this was a very unbiased helful remark and guidance to help YOU understand some issues you maybe having. If people are constanly throwing up around you , (getting angry), you should start looking at your actions, it could be that you are the cause, but because you have your spectrum sunglasses on, you are unable to understand your actions and how it contributes to others perception around you. You can change your actions and this will result in better reactions and you will feel less targeted. Try it, what do you have to loose? Misery was super helpful here and delivered this info in a very postive format, l really hope you understand the effort that people are trying to help ,(not attack you).

    We really want to see you move forward in your life and get out of the funk you are in. You need to see about yourself that you can be a healthy functioning adult holding a job and having good relationships but you may need to tweak yourself a bit. Before you type or speak your mind, ask yourself, if l say the first thing that comes to my mind, ask will this upset my father, my boss, my best friend? Then ask yourself, why do l need to upset people? Do l really need to do this?!?
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2019
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  19. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    I dont know about everyone else, but I always think this is one of the worst parts about being on the spectrum. We have/produce a problem, we dont see that problem. Others point it out... often more than once... we still dont see the problem. Just cant grasp it sometimes.

    Sure happens to me sometimes. Even if I know it happens at times, I'll still get thwarted by it anyway.
     
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  20. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

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    mm lack of guile stuff can really annoy people.
     
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