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Are you attracted to Aspies more than NT's?

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Daughter of a King

Active Member
Ok, so this is so weird. I am a self-diagnosed Aspie w/ an Aspie son(diagnosed)and most likely an Aspie daughter.
Ever since coming to the conclusion that I have AS, I am looking at my life and past relationships and nearly everyone seems to have AS!!
My ex husband did, so did my ex boyfriend.

I got along differently with both, my ex husband we did not get along well. He was anti-affection, anti-love, and drowned himself daily with beer.
My ex BF on the other hand was very attentive and affectionate and we connected on a deep level. We loved just hanging out together and watching movies, or long deep conversations about life. The only reason I broke it off was there was a large age gap between us.

I have no "best friend". Per se, and most of my friends are merely acquaintances that I can talk to but don't really have a relationship with. These are all women from my support group (not for Aspies) at church.
One gal I hVe befriended and feel very comfortable with has PDD-nos, Tourette's, and BPD, and we get along fabulously!

Anyone else share this attraction to neuro diversity vs neuro-typicals?
 
I am attracted to highly intelligent females, not worried if they are aspie or not. Having said that, aspie females are, on the whole, highly intelligent so I guess I would lean that direction. I know I have dated aspies prior to being diagnosed myself, but now I am single so I guess it doesn't matter ;)
 
Daughter of a King said:
Thanks, Harrison, let's take that one step further... Your closest friendships, Aspie or NT? Do you naturally feel more at ease around other Aspies?
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My closest friend is an aspie as was my dearest love, and yes, I feel happier around my own people. NTs are fun for a short stint but I lose the plot after a while trying to keep up with the ever changing banter.
 
Id rather be with an aspie, NTs screw u over, i think aspies are more respectful to one and another :)
 
Yes, especially as I always fall for personalities, as opposed to simply relying on looks. Interestingly though, I can also be attracted to NTs, who have grown up with someone on the spectrum, as they seem to mimic some of these traits in part; much like how I tend to mimic NTs. I agree with Harrison too; intelligence matters, either way.
 
aj said:
Id rather be with an aspie, NTs screw u over, i think aspies are more respectful to one and another :)
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Let's try not to generalise here please. I know some very loyal NTs, who have been very good to their Aspie partners, and also know Aspies who have been bad lovers. Being one or the other doesn't neccesseraly dictate being good or bad.
 
Vanilla said:
Let's try not to generalise here please. I know some very loyal NTs, who have been very good to their Aspie partners, and also know Aspies who have been bad lovers. Being one or the other doesn't neccesseraly dictate being good or bad.
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Sorry im sure theyre some nice NTs but all my relationships with them was bad, im just giving my opinion
 
I have a friend with ME and may be becoming friends with my neighbours; one has dyslexia, the other OCD. I've had two relationships, one with an NT, which was awful, the other with a lovely lady with OCD. I haven't actually met anyone, other than my sister, with Aspergers.
I'd say I appear to be able to maintain relationships with people who're 'different', or understand difference, but, to this day, NT's baffle me!
I think a large part of the problem is that I don't know how or where to socialise, so just don't meet many people.
I would like to try a friendship/relationship with another Aspie, someone who understands, though the complication there is that Aspies are as different from each other as NT's are
 
I have similar attraction to people who seem to have a thoughtful, 'non-mainstream' attitude and/or beliefs, generally. Right now and for a long many years I have kept my life peacefully simple by having no friends or intimate partners.
But I have to admit and this is partly because I'm an artist, that I have attraction to handsome people as well as unusual countenances. If it wasn't socially inappropriate, (because it involves staring) I'd draw sketches and portraits of most people.
 
I don't know about aspies vs. nt's in relationships, as I don't date to begin with. When it comes to guys I'm attracted to, i generally don't go for mainstream. Even with close friends, the one or two people I held as close friends growing up were 'different' from everyone else for their own reasons. Me always having felt different (and outcasted) I guess I just gravitate towards people who I feel like are okay with that and would understand it. Aspie, NT, I don't care. In terms of friends, guys I've liked, etc. i'd say its moreso based on personality than aspie vs. nt. If i feel comfortable and at ease with the person, I guess I should say. My one best friend is an NT but has OCD, if that counts for anything. I think we were so close despite everything going on because we could talk to each other and we understood each other when no one else did.
 
At least now I understand why I always tended to be drawn towards people who are "different" in some way. Now I actually like knowing why. :)
 
Vanilla said:
That's fair. Just be mindful of the NTs on our site :)
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Thank you, Vanilla.

I don't see why it matters whether a person is an Aspie or an NT. It should only matter how that particular person treats you and if they have the qualities that you're looking for. I don't think any relationship with anyone is going to be roses all the time. Loyalty and trust are biggies for me and I have found (at least on this site anyway) that a lot of Aspies appear to have these qualities, but I'm an NT and I have these qualities too, so I'm sure there are some great NT guys out there that are loyal and trustworthy as well. I still think it all goes back to good communication and I, as an NT, would be able to get along with an Aspie better if I knew they were an Aspie - but that's just me. If I were to date an Aspie now, I would know some very important things like I can't be sarcastic, I won't get much eye contact, I'll be carrying a lot of the conversation, they'll need some time alone, etc., and if I really liked the person I would work around those. It goes the other way too. NT's are VERY DIFFERENT and if that person meant a lot to you (as an Aspie) you would have to work around that NT's need to talk a lot about nothing, make a lot of eye contact, don't always say what they mean, etc. That's why texting and earplugs were made. You just need to find the right person that will put up with your quirks. (I could swear that Waldo is Aspie - he has all the signs - and we're still together!) :confused:
 
Looking back at the people I've been closest to or had the strongest feelings for during my adult life, it's been about 50/50, some were AS and some were NT. In the past 5 years (the second half of my twenties), the only persons who let me become genuinely close to them were Aspies, although there is an NT whom I currently feel a lot of affection for. In the 5 years previous to these past 5 years (in the first half of my twenties), the people I was closest to were all NT.
So it has changed. I think that is because when I was younger I had more of an ability to become close to whoever circumstances placed me close to. And they were mostly NT (statistically the majority). Even though I was pretty weird and quirky, they were nice people who accepted me.
In later years, external circumstances have not been good about keeping me in the same vicinity as people for significant periods of time (my longest lasting job was one where I was around different people every day) so the only way a friendship could form was if there was sufficient "friendship chemistry" for both me and them to want to keep in touch. That was combined with the fact that I've become far more emotionally reclusive as I've gotten older.
I'm really quite socially isolated now. But I stay in touch with my Aspie best friend, once every few months I will be able to visit that Aspie family I was close to, and I enjoy the company of my NT physical therapist (although it's a firmly professional/medical-type relationship-no contact outside of therapy, and nothing during therapy that would be misconstrued).
I went on a few dates with non-Aspie who had ADHD, but I couldn't stand it, because he expected the conversation to be non-stop and I just couldn't talk that much.
Sometimes I wonder whether NTs need non-stop conversation, or whether it's just that they feel awkward if there's silence.
That sums up my social life.
 
I can't really say if all of my past relationships involved Aspies or not, but I was always attracted to what my brothers would call, "crazy girls" because they seemed different and a bit eccentric :D I've always had a knack of attracting them lol

To me, they had personality and were fun to be around as well as interesting to talk to. I also never really cared for looks as I was girl-crazy back in my teen years.

Actually, I'm still the same way as I look at dating as meeting interesting people in my life, and I met quite a few of them :D

Maybe it's a mixture of Aspies and crazy people I'm attracted to since I'm both lol
 
Yes, I have a distinct attraction to neurodiverse over neurotypical individuals. When I was young, I used to feel "odd" or eccentric people were more like me, like they were kindred spirits. I understood them better, and vice versa. They were also nicer people. I didn't come into contact with them very often back then. It wasn't until much later I realized I was an "odd" person myself. It's not something I really think about though, it just happens that way.
 
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