An apparent depression was what got me at the therapists office earlier this year, where down the line it became clear to him my depression could be related to me being on the spectrum.
I can manage fine with, well.. "being me", it's where there is the obligation and ettiquette of parttaking in social activities where it's apparently frowned upon on how I indulge on those things, where it gets ugly. My way of coping with everyday life, just to not go mental, which keeps me in line. But in situations like college, employment and even talking to people when at some place, it revolves about social ettiquette and acting "like everyone else" which is what got me to realize I have apparently quite some problems with blending in. And in my life I've had quite some encounters where the emphasis was beyond "don't do anything crazy and everyhing is fine". It went as far as me expecting to give up my personal interests to an extent and "enjoy" what everyone did. It makes up for more not "understanding" because I'm really someone who doesn't like stuff that's just a "surface interest". If I were to enjoy soccer, I'll likely play it myself or read up about players and make analysis about games for example.
So yeah, it's where personal interest, personal integrity, perhaps traits even, along with a possible diagnosis, makes up for a odd cocktail, which deems people unfit to be around with for most.
I can however say... it's not that I'm not able to have friends or relationships for that matter. I do have some, well.. "friends" and had relationships in the past. With friends, as well as relationships, I've heard (and I do believe people are honest about it) people say; "you're one of the people for whom I'd go an extra mile because you're such a nice dude to know"... it's not to brag or anything, but it's people I've known for a long time, I rarely had fights with friends to the extent where he had an unsolved dispute and just went "well... f this, I don't want to see you again"... but i think it's those people who spend time for me to well... "prove myself". Apparently I need some time to get to know and all, and that's something that's lacking with a lot of people or situations. Come to think of it, it feels like befriending me requires the same mindset as I have about having interests, and thus needs to go beyond just surface.
I am seeing however, that even with friends, the older they get, the less time they can to spend with me, due to jobs, relationships and stuff like that. It's no obligation for anyone to spend x time with me, but it sure makes me feel more lonely. Here's an example about time to illustrate, and it's something that happened quite a lot in the past. The longer we talk (a friend and I) the more in depth the subject becomes. We rarely lose track of the subject, we only lose track of time, up to where I had 18+ hour conversations about a single subject, and those are deemed the most interesting experiences people had with me. I can compare it to a dervish I guess. But since time is an issue for a lot of people due to other commitments, I have a serious problem in settling in when there's only a short amount of time...
So I can attribute loneliness to some a problem in practical application.
As for thinking "life is not worth it"...
I've had a couple of situations where that thought crossed my mind. They kinda revolved around relationships, but that's in those situations the person I'm spending most time with is my significant other. The entire well.. "cultivation" to grow interpersonal relations just is a more time consuming process with me and I kinda feel well.. "robbed" of my time if those relationships somehow end up being a failure, as I am well aware that people don't have unlimited time to well... "grow" a friendship or anything with me.
Hope it kinda makes sense to anyone who spend time reading this...