Seven
Active Member
Hi everyone,
This is my first time posting on this forum, and I’ve been debating whether or not to start this thread for a few weeks – I’m looking for some words of advice, but also thought this could be an opportunity to have an interesting discussion on how ‘groups’ of friends in general tend to think.
Here’s my position: I’m a 17 (nearly 18) year old high school student currently in my final year, and have a few good friends who tend to socialise in their own little tribe which I’m largely excluded from, mainly because of the other people they’ve made friends with over the years. For the six-odd years I’ve been at my school I’ve felt somewhat invisible, that is, not a person most people my age can be bothered to speak to. There are a few people I’ve tried, or at least wanted to, become friends with over the past year because they’re very intelligent, and more importantly, interesting people who incidentally ‘hang out’ with the friends I mentioned above. At the very least I’ve just wanted to have an interesting conversation with them, but for quite some time I’ve never found myself able to speak to them, and lately (since the beginning of the final year) I’ve had no opportunity to do so whatsoever. The main obstacles I’ve thought of are the fact that they are teenage girls in a very small school and are consequently much harder to approach for someone like me (a socially awkward male aspie), and also because of the recently introduced gender specific common rooms. The issue with this is that no one actually leaves these rooms at lunch, and consequently I don’t have the opportunity to approach them in the first place. I can’t stand Facebook, but I joined about a month ago so I wouldn’t be left ‘out of the loop’ if people wanted to plan social events. I can’t try to talk to them through that medium either, since they won’t even accept my ‘friend’ requests.
To be clear, I'm not interested the small talk as so many teenagers seem to be obsessed with, but actual conversations about interesting subjects like history, current events, ideas, etc. The girls I mentioned are actually three particular people, and I think I have the potential to really engage with them on an intellectual level. The problem is they all happen to be extroverted social butterflies, ironically this makes it very hard for me to approach as a consequence. I've been told everything will be better in university, where I'll be with like minded, intelligent and interesting people who also study History. I accept this, but the problem of making acquaintances with reasonable like minded people in the 'one size fits all' environment of Year 12 is actually an interesting topic for a thread. This is a rare opportunity, which I feel is being wasted. It doesn't help that after six years of school, these people are already attached to the relationships and 'groups' they've formed over the years, meaning they quite possibly don't have room what they would consider a newcomer in that I've only just found the confidence to actually voice my ideas in group environments like classes which has actually made them notice I exist in the first place.
There was one event that prompted me to start this thread – just last week one of the very people I’ve wanted to become acquaintances with organised what people my age would call a ‘party’, which naturally I didn’t even hear of until the following Monday. The funny thing is, most of the people in my form seem to have been invited. That made me very angry at the time, but I was told that they probably don’t see me as the type of person to enjoy such a thing – I could be perceived as too ‘sensible’ and ‘uptight’. There is also the issue of the tribal nature of human interaction – if I’m not part of that tribe or boat, they wouldn’t notice if I fell overboard, so to speak. Yes, I tried to make friends with one person, and I wanted to replicate the hour I spent with her and my friend at the coffee shop – both people are incredibly insightful and intelligent, and it was the deepest, most interesting discussion I have had with someone my age! Unfortunately, I tried to do this by asking her if she wanted to go and walk around (insert trendy area here), with the idea that we would have the opportunity for a similar conversation as we sat at a coffee shop or a restaurant. It’s typically that she interpreted it in the wrong way, evidently thinking I had some kind of romantic interest in her. She declined with the excuse that she didn’t enough time to do it, so taking her words by face value, I asked her again a week later. She said the same thing, and hastily walked down the corridor.
So now I come to this forum asking if there is anything I can possibly do to stop being invisible to these people? I’m not interested in just complaining about my teenage ‘problems’, because I’ll be the first to say they really DON’T matter in the scheme of things. I’m just interested if there’s anything I can do about it. It’s also a good opportunity for a discussion about how we aspies can tend to be left out by other people socially.
So is it a lost cause? Should I even bother considering can forget about it all once I leave school in half a year's time? The problem is that it is just deeply frustrating considering there is so much potential for deep, thought provoking conversations.
Any thoughts?
This is my first time posting on this forum, and I’ve been debating whether or not to start this thread for a few weeks – I’m looking for some words of advice, but also thought this could be an opportunity to have an interesting discussion on how ‘groups’ of friends in general tend to think.
Here’s my position: I’m a 17 (nearly 18) year old high school student currently in my final year, and have a few good friends who tend to socialise in their own little tribe which I’m largely excluded from, mainly because of the other people they’ve made friends with over the years. For the six-odd years I’ve been at my school I’ve felt somewhat invisible, that is, not a person most people my age can be bothered to speak to. There are a few people I’ve tried, or at least wanted to, become friends with over the past year because they’re very intelligent, and more importantly, interesting people who incidentally ‘hang out’ with the friends I mentioned above. At the very least I’ve just wanted to have an interesting conversation with them, but for quite some time I’ve never found myself able to speak to them, and lately (since the beginning of the final year) I’ve had no opportunity to do so whatsoever. The main obstacles I’ve thought of are the fact that they are teenage girls in a very small school and are consequently much harder to approach for someone like me (a socially awkward male aspie), and also because of the recently introduced gender specific common rooms. The issue with this is that no one actually leaves these rooms at lunch, and consequently I don’t have the opportunity to approach them in the first place. I can’t stand Facebook, but I joined about a month ago so I wouldn’t be left ‘out of the loop’ if people wanted to plan social events. I can’t try to talk to them through that medium either, since they won’t even accept my ‘friend’ requests.
To be clear, I'm not interested the small talk as so many teenagers seem to be obsessed with, but actual conversations about interesting subjects like history, current events, ideas, etc. The girls I mentioned are actually three particular people, and I think I have the potential to really engage with them on an intellectual level. The problem is they all happen to be extroverted social butterflies, ironically this makes it very hard for me to approach as a consequence. I've been told everything will be better in university, where I'll be with like minded, intelligent and interesting people who also study History. I accept this, but the problem of making acquaintances with reasonable like minded people in the 'one size fits all' environment of Year 12 is actually an interesting topic for a thread. This is a rare opportunity, which I feel is being wasted. It doesn't help that after six years of school, these people are already attached to the relationships and 'groups' they've formed over the years, meaning they quite possibly don't have room what they would consider a newcomer in that I've only just found the confidence to actually voice my ideas in group environments like classes which has actually made them notice I exist in the first place.
There was one event that prompted me to start this thread – just last week one of the very people I’ve wanted to become acquaintances with organised what people my age would call a ‘party’, which naturally I didn’t even hear of until the following Monday. The funny thing is, most of the people in my form seem to have been invited. That made me very angry at the time, but I was told that they probably don’t see me as the type of person to enjoy such a thing – I could be perceived as too ‘sensible’ and ‘uptight’. There is also the issue of the tribal nature of human interaction – if I’m not part of that tribe or boat, they wouldn’t notice if I fell overboard, so to speak. Yes, I tried to make friends with one person, and I wanted to replicate the hour I spent with her and my friend at the coffee shop – both people are incredibly insightful and intelligent, and it was the deepest, most interesting discussion I have had with someone my age! Unfortunately, I tried to do this by asking her if she wanted to go and walk around (insert trendy area here), with the idea that we would have the opportunity for a similar conversation as we sat at a coffee shop or a restaurant. It’s typically that she interpreted it in the wrong way, evidently thinking I had some kind of romantic interest in her. She declined with the excuse that she didn’t enough time to do it, so taking her words by face value, I asked her again a week later. She said the same thing, and hastily walked down the corridor.
So now I come to this forum asking if there is anything I can possibly do to stop being invisible to these people? I’m not interested in just complaining about my teenage ‘problems’, because I’ll be the first to say they really DON’T matter in the scheme of things. I’m just interested if there’s anything I can do about it. It’s also a good opportunity for a discussion about how we aspies can tend to be left out by other people socially.
So is it a lost cause? Should I even bother considering can forget about it all once I leave school in half a year's time? The problem is that it is just deeply frustrating considering there is so much potential for deep, thought provoking conversations.
Any thoughts?
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