T/A? "I'm Ok, You're OK" was required reading in Psych 101 in the mid 70s. It didn't leave a lasting impression with me personally. Haven't thought of it in decades.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I'm_OK_–_You're_OK
It sounds very interesting, but do you have any specific examples of how this works?
I am no expert, and am just learning about it now, but I’ll try and give you an idea of it…
Transactional analysis has been around since the 60’s and has been successfully used as a tool by therapists for all manner of difficulties. It uses the theory of “Ego States” and the part they play in human interactions. It tells us that we all carry around 3 different ego states: The Parent, The Adult and The Child. Parent and Child are learned behaviours and values and remembered experience, and hark from our past. When we are merely concerned with the present, we are usually in the Adult state, and it's quite formal, unemotional and business like. Interactions between people are called “Transactions” and, as the name implies, are elements of cost and benefit, expectation and reciprocation. It can get pretty complicated, and I don’t want to get it wrong, so I’ll stick to the things that really stick out in my experience.
When a person begins an interaction in one State, there is an unspoken, psychological level expectation of which Ego state they are engaging in the other person. For example: The Employer, asking for a report to be completed, might be in the Parent Ego State. They will be expecting compliance from their employee (Their Child Ego State). If the Child does respond, (Yes, I’ll do that right away) the transaction is complete. Everything happened as expected. This works for Parent to Parent, Adult to Adult, Parent to Child, Child to Parent etc.
The greatest insight of this new version of TA, for me, is that Aspies seem remain almost entirely in the Adult State (formal, factual and firmly in the present). Because of our neurology, we cannot usefully access the Parent and Child states, our implicit memories - remembered childhood experience, and our learned values and behaviours intuitively. When you add this into the previous interaction you’ll get a “crossed Transaction”. The Parent is expecting a response from a compliant Child, but gets an Adult response instead: e.g. “Does this now take priority over the other one you asked me to prioritise?” The Parent Ego State might misinterpret this as rudeness from a petulant Child, or they may feel undermined because they’d forgotten about the previous request… and this leads to misunderstanding and confusion. At this point, I remember thinking: “Jeeze! That’s my entire career! This is why I’m dismissed as “difficult” and have been passed over for promotion despite being really good at my job.”
Aspies are largely ignorant of all the past experience and history NTs bring to interactions. AND SO ARE NTs. Neither party is to blame. And – if both parties can be made aware of this difference, WE HAVE A BASIS FOR MEANINGFUL COMMUNICATION. NTs can step into the Aspie world and Aspies into that of NTs.
There are lots of ways this can be used – An instant tip, that I felt I could put into practice straight away, was the ‘close the transaction first, (with whatever Ego State is required) and then engage the Adult. For Example: “I need this report by the end of the day!” (Parent) response: “OK, I’ll get on it straight away.” (Child) Transaction closed. New Transaction: “Is there another deadline for the report you asked me for yesterday?”(Adult) Response: Oh, yes, I’d forgotten – this one takes precedence.” (Adult) Transaction closed. Everybody is happy.
This is just a taster – It works. It makes sense. I feel better for it. Many of the therapists I have encountered on these training courses have become very excited by the development. I had resigned myself to never being understood in any real sense, but with this, I feel genuinely hopeful.