Anybody Else Overthink About Your Validity Within The Autism Community?

[Joshua the Writer]

For me, it seems that I am decent at socializing as long as I am within a small group of people. For some reason, my brain registers this as a sign that I am not Autistic and I was improperly diagnosed, despite me being diagnosed as Autistic by a professional and having many other symptoms.

However, whenever I start to have that kind of thought, I end up questioning if I am actually Autistic or not and then I end up making myself feeling invalidated.

 

[Major Tom]

Considering I was diagnosed both as a child and again as an adult, also the length of each diagnostic process, I don't doubt it in the least. That's on a professional level. Then weighing in all my symptoms and what I go through on a daily basis, it just reinforces the fact. To really accept your diagnosis, you have to drop all of the stereotypical ideals of what autism is. It manifests differently in all people, even though we do share some commonalities.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

Considering I was diagnosed both as a child and again as an adult, also the length of each diagnostic process, I don't doubt it in the least. That's on a professional level. Then weighing in all my symptoms and what I go through on a daily basis, it just reinforces the fact. To really accept your diagnosis, you have to drop all of the stereotypical ideals of what autism is. It manifests differently in all people, even though we do share some commonalities.

Yeah. Maybe I am still struggling with internalized ableism. I know I felt that way when I was younger, as well.

 

[Fino]

I'm pretty sure a large number of autistic people are decent at socializing in small groups.

 

[Au Naturel]

Since it is a spectrum disorder, ND traits blend seamlessly into the NT. There is no clear line. There are lots of people who have just a touch of autism and whether they get diagnosed as such is up to the whim of the diagnostician.

I doubt if I have "validity" in much of any community. That's the curse of the Aspie. I've stopped worrying about that. I figure if I happen to be getting on well there are probably people there who share at least one of my interests. Otherwise, I'm out of there.

 

[Progster]

Yes, I feel that way often, too. I often worry about whether my diagnosis is accurate or valid. I can cope quite well socially if it's just one person most to the time, it's groups that I find hard, and I'm doing a job with a lot of interaction with other people, though I do struggle with various aspects of it.

I have to keep reminding myself of the reason why I was diagnosed in the first place, the various problems I had, of the way I felt at school and at uni, all the problems I had with employment, the crisis and the depression I went through.

 

[Thinx]

This is the problem of having a neurology that's subject to medical diagnosis, and it's similar to the problem for any person in a minority group or who is significantly different from the norm. This is what is meant by the idea of 'having a stigmatised identity '.

There is social pressure to conform to norms, and if we are in a minority group, or perhaps multiple minority groups, we experience the social stigma of not conforming, and we feel somewhat compelled to stigmatise ourselves, for example with the view that everything about us must be bad if we are in a stigmatised minority group. It's like the phenomenon of internalised homophobia.

This is despite that we know on some levels that the majority group is not perfect or lacking in downsides, that everyone has a mix of capacities and strengths and challenges. But people who conform to the norm face less stigma, and have less pressure to doubt that they are OK people, despite that they may have problematic traits or weaknesses in some areas.

So, because you can do something adequately or well, you doubt you are autistic. Because everything about you should be dysfunctional. I am sure we all struggle with this once we recognise ourselves as autistic or are diagnosed as such. We at the same time have to keep explaining autism to others. It's a challenge in itself.

I watched the first 2 episodes of The Good Doctor last night, and despite that they have chosen an unusual type of autism, I thought they illustrated quite well this type of issue, where the young man is continually misunderstood and stigmatised whereas the status hungry medics and their arguably inefficient and unethical norms are accepted and thriving.

It's not a convincing story because despite his unorthodox brilliance one just can't see him getting through all the challenges he would face. But it certainly is a great What If story, and that's what minorities need to bring us into the world as valid beings. Wakanda Forever!

 

[Neonatal RRT]

For me, it seems that I am decent at socializing as long as I am within a small group of people. For some reason, my brain registers this as a sign that I am not Autistic and I was improperly diagnosed, despite me being diagnosed as Autistic by a professional and having many other symptoms.

However, whenever I start to have that kind of thought, I end up questioning if I am actually Autistic or not and then I end up making myself feeling invalidated.

Well, I went for some 50 years thinking I didn't have a problem with communicating in small groups,...blissfully unaware of what an absolute "hack" I was at it. Now that I pay attention to it, I realize that others around the conversation table politely ignore me (sharing photos on their phone to others, but not me), when I do speak my timing is off and I am stumbling over someone else, or are bringing up topics already discussed, or laughing obnoxiously when it didn't warrant it, or sitting quietly just listening (present but not engaged). Worse, I can start monologuing about one of my special interests when I have, in some convoluted way, brought it up during a conversation,...and that's when people tend to leave the conversation.

I am not saying that is your situation. As others have said, communication issues can vary greatly within "the spectrum".

 

[OkRad]

I have given up on ever fitting it or being seen as valid or worthy ANYWHERE. In fact, I am startled and surprised with someone treats me with dignity.

 

[Streetwise]

Well, I went for some 50 years thinking I didn't have a problem with communicating in small groups,...blissfully unaware of what an absolute "hack" I was at it. Now that I pay attention to it, I realize that others around the conversation table politely ignore me (sharing photos on their phone to others, but not me), when I do speak my timing is off and I am stumbling over someone else, or are bringing up topics already discussed, or laughing obnoxiously when it didn't warrant it, or sitting quietly just listening (present but not engaged). Worse, I can start monologuing about one of my special topics when I have, in convoluted way, brought it up during a conversation,...and that's when people tend to leave the conversation.

I am not saying that is your situation. As others have said, communication issues can vary greatly within "the spectrum".

From what I know if very young men with the label high functioning autism it's not communication that's the problem it's arrogance

 

[The Pandector]

Maybe I’m the outlier in this. As I’ve aired elsewhere, I self-diagnosed this year at 68 yo. There is not a doubt in my mind that I am on the spectrum.

On the other hand, I don’t know if there’s another human on the planet who thinks I am. For most it seems, the very fact that I make the 'claim' leaves either my stability or my integrity in question.

Please take no offense, my friends, but even in this forum I see so many people’s official diagnostic stats displayed with each posting and wonder if I’m not a bit of a 2nd class citizen even among my own.

As I’ve read so many others relate, when I finally owned autism my entire life came into focus from toddler to retiree. And as I continue to see and own more, that focus gains clarity. What I don’t need is to spend $10s of thousands and precious years sucking around after the agreement of a professional or anybody else. I wish they believed, but don't wish it that badly.

Before I settled in these pleasant waters, someone somewhere answered my concerns in this regard. Close paraphrase, ‘If a rational and informed person thinks he has autism, it’s a safe bet that he does.’ Don’t know if this would pass muster around here, but those words encouraged me to continue down the path that has led me to my present state of blissful enlightenment.

"Shalom," said the Protestant.

 

[Au Naturel]

Well, I went for some 50 years thinking I didn't have a problem with communicating in small groups,...blissfully unaware of what an absolute "hack" I was at it. Now that I pay attention to it, I realize that others around the conversation table politely ignore me (sharing photos on their phone to others, but not me), when I do speak my timing is off and I am stumbling over someone else, or are bringing up topics already discussed, or laughing obnoxiously when it didn't warrant it, or sitting quietly just listening (present but not engaged). Worse, I can start monologuing about one of my special interests when I have, in some convoluted way, brought it up during a conversation,...and that's when people tend to leave the conversation.

I am not saying that is your situation. As others have said, communication issues can vary greatly within "the spectrum".

I think you just described the story of my life.

 

[Au Naturel]

This is the problem of having a neurology that's subject to medical diagnosis, and it's similar to the problem for any person in a minority group or who is significantly different from the norm. This is what is meant by the idea of 'having a stigmatised identity '.

There is social pressure to conform to norms, and if we are in a minority group, or perhaps multiple minority groups, we experience the social stigma of not conforming, and we feel somewhat compelled to stigmatise ourselves, for example with the view that everything about us must be bad if we are in a stigmatised minority group. It's like the phenomenon of internalised homophobia.

This is despite that we know on some levels that the majority group is not perfect or lacking in downsides, that everyone has a mix of capacities and strengths and challenges. But people who conform to the norm face less stigma, and have less pressure to doubt that they are OK people, despite that they may have problematic traits or weaknesses in some areas.

So, because you can do something adequately or well, you doubt you are autistic. Because everything about you should be dysfunctional. I am sure we all struggle with this once we recognise ourselves as autistic or are diagnosed as such. We at the same time have to keep explaining autism to others. It's a challenge in itself.

I watched the first 2 episodes of The Good Doctor last night, and despite that they have chosen an unusual type of autism, I thought they illustrated quite well this type of issue, where the young man is continually misunderstood and stigmatised whereas the status hungry medics and their arguably inefficient and unethical norms are accepted and thriving.

It's not a convincing story because despite his unorthodox brilliance one just can't see him getting through all the challenges he would face. But it certainly is a great What If story, and that's what minorities need to bring us into the world as valid beings. Wakanda Forever!

The reverse also happens, when the individual blames society for all the ills of their life. The entire world gets stigmatized by the person in question or even a social internet bubble built up of like-minded people. That's how some can be radicalized into terrorism.

There's a pop psychology concept known as transactional analysis. It looks at how one feels about themself relative to others. "I'm not ok - You're ok" describes the default feelings of the self-stigmatized individual. "I'm ok - You're NOT ok" described the default state of the person who blames the world. "I'm ok - You're ok" is the ideal state we should be striving for.

"Ok" doesn't mean I trust you with my credit card. It means I honor your validity as a human being and do not preemptively judge you to be lacking, even if your life experience is completely different from mine. "Otherness" is irrelevant. Common humanity trumps any differences between us. Ideologues of all political persuasions take advantage of "I'm ok - You're NOT ok" thinking to drive wedges and polarize, even to create terrorists. It is also the thinking that creates school shooters.

Now, we cannot affect the actual "ok-ness" of another person. They might well be an axe murderer. We have limited influence over whether another person thinks we are "ok." They might think you are an axe murderer. We also have to understand there may be moments where we are not "ok" and we need to shift our behavior.

The default state we live in needs to be "I'm ok - You're ok - until I see evidence to the contrary. And even then I refuse to hate you. I will merely oppose you and reluctantly accept that you feel as you do." Believing that you are "not ok" as your default assumption leads to despair and depression and insisting everyone else is "not ok" leads to paranoia and rage.