I've always loved science from as young as I could read, it was one of the few things I would happily read as a kid, in part I think as it satisfied the desire to know how my world works (and far more interesting than "Janet and John go to The Park"). But I was never much good at math, especially complex abstract math. So although I've made a lot of connections and ideas about how the universe works, I'm unable to prove any of it (even to myself).

A lot of things I've worked out myself (or at least believe I have) have also later been corroborated (or at least agreed as possible) by professional scientists, but without the framework of math that provides a common methodology others can independently apply, it all seems to be of little worth beyond personal satisfaction and knowledge, which is most frustrating.

I suspect the math side may be down to a total inability to internally visualise anything at all. Most of the more interesting topics have such complex mathematical abstractions, on the page they are pretty meaningless to me. But many of the concepts they model seem much easier to grasp as long as I can make the logical links that connect their parts to create the whole.

I vaguely recall my confusion when first starting math at school (simple arithmetic really), and the teachers telling us all to close our eyes and imagine four oranges, and then imagine eating two of them, and having two left over, and I'm wondering what the heck they mean by this. What's all this thinking of oranges and eating them. The answers obvious, 2, why all the weird stuff with oranges? And what even *is* 'imagining four oranges', what does that mean?

Now I know most/all of the kids would actually be able to 'see' these oranges internally, and maybe even smell and taste them too, but that's only benefit of hindsight, a *lot* of hindsight. And looking back I think a lot of the later much more advanced math topics were also reliant on internal visualisation to grasp the concept of what the math was describing. At least I assume so anyway, most of it meant little to me at the time and I presume that's why, at least in part.