So I have had to study a lot and didn't really socialise much.
I can't even recall what has been happening in terms of autism recfntly, it's been a lot, because there is s lot of relearning to do. Obviously I went out with this friend group again and had a meltdown again because we were on a busy street and they asked why I'm wearing earphones, which made me feel ashamed, even though they're generally friendly and I don't think they would mind if I kept them on. I don't know, I need to be more assertive, I'm wasting so much health on things like that, on feeling ashamed that something that seems invisible to others makes me straight up melt down. Then I felt completely stupid when someone asked if it's because of neurodiversity. Well, I have no clue how other people perceive for example the noises, I'm not in their heads. All I know is that they bother me a lot. I don't really know how to untagle all that. I get questioned why I don't make enough eye contact or what I'm looking at. I want to just be left alone with how I behave. I don't seem to look autistic to others or like someone from whom to expect unusual behaviour. But I'm not good enough at behaving like others do and come across as all kinds of things but not what I'm actually experiencing. At least I got to tell that I hate jacuzzi... Idk, I need to do something about all that.
I can't even recall what has been happening in terms of autism recfntly, it's been a lot, because there is s lot of relearning to do. Obviously I went out with this friend group again and had a meltdown again because we were on a busy street and they asked why I'm wearing earphones, which made me feel ashamed, even though they're generally friendly and I don't think they would mind if I kept them on. I don't know, I need to be more assertive, I'm wasting so much health on things like that, on feeling ashamed that something that seems invisible to others makes me straight up melt down. Then I felt completely stupid when someone asked if it's because of neurodiversity. Well, I have no clue how other people perceive for example the noises, I'm not in their heads. All I know is that they bother me a lot. I don't really know how to untagle all that. I get questioned why I don't make enough eye contact or what I'm looking at. I want to just be left alone with how I behave. I don't seem to look autistic to others or like someone from whom to expect unusual behaviour. But I'm not good enough at behaving like others do and come across as all kinds of things but not what I'm actually experiencing. At least I got to tell that I hate jacuzzi... Idk, I need to do something about all that.